Wish Corruptor

[zerowonder]

Granted, but, once again, you implode from shear awesomeness and die. You were also sued by Chuck Norris for being too awesome. At least when you died you left three women pregnant with awesome babies who shall grow to become demi-gods and continue your legacy.

I wish the ending of Twilight went a little something like this:

[42zombies]

Granted, but Blade is powerless before Edward Cullen. None of his vampire-hunting techniques work before this poor excuse for a vampire.

Also, Chuck Norris is overrated.

I wish for a sword that could kill Chuck Norris.

[zerowonder]

Granted, but the sword is stolen by Bruce Lee who conquers the world with it.

I wish all rappers were mute.

[DanteMGalileo]

Granted, but since you muted all rappers, you are mobbed and killed by any fans rap may have.

I wish that I could jump into the world of any video game and be a speedy character.

[nintendonut1]

Granted, but you're like Sonic on the Green Hill Zone stage; you run RIGHT OFF THE FREAKING STAGE AND DIE.

I wish I didn't need to take summer school.

[42zombies]

EDIT: NN1 beat me to the punch.

Granted; you don't need to take summer school because there is no more summer.

I wish I had a baby with an awesome prehensile tail that I could put in a circus so he could make friends with clowns.

[shiftyPotentate]

Granted, but as the child grows up, it realizes how different it is from normal humans and considers itself a freak. And also, it realizes how different it is from you, and, concluding that you did it to them, kills you and then itself.

I wish I didn't have to go to work today for free.

[42zombies]

Granted, but since you didn't do whatever your important job is, your entire place of work falls apart. The economy slowly falls apart at the seams; the world comes to ruins and turns into a Mad Max-style dystopia. In desperation, a few lone survivors prey to God for help. Bu their call is misheard-- instead of summoning angels, they call upon the Old Ones from beyond the stars! They come to reclaims our flesh and our bones which they birthed before the universe flared up! Mankind is doomed!

But it's okay. You still got paid.

I wish I had a video camera. THAT WAS ALSO A SWORD.

[DanteMGalileo]

Granted, but the kid across the street from you gets jealous of your sword-camera and kills you, taking your sword-camera afterwords.

I wish I didn't have final exams.

[zerowonder]

Granted, thus you never pass high-school, are never able to get a descent living. You run yourself into debt and you attempt to hang yourself in your cruddy apartment but the ceiling collapses and crushes you instead.

I wish technocracy would come to power.

[nintendonut1]

Wow. Granted, but I don't even WANNA know what's gonna happen. That's got... bad news written all over it.

I wish people wouldn't hate me because I'm a liberal Californian.

[DanteMGalileo]

Granted, but now everybody takes you seriously, so they don't know when you're joking around.

I wish there was such a thing as a snooze alarm on a cat that wants breakfast at four in the morning.

[shiftyPotentate]

Granted, but the mad scientist who was able to come up with such a device or creature eventually dreams of things beyond strange modifications on already existing animals and instead pursues world domination, ending up as the end of all mankind. The only things left are the snooze-alarm cats.

I wish the MythBusters would let me join their team.

[42zombies]

Granted. You're Buster.

I wish I knew what 'fucking A' means.

[tsifan]

Granted, but the true meaning somehow burns into your mind. every single goddamned day you remember it over osmethign else you need to remember. It annoys the SHIT out of you forever when you're trying to think of something else. And now it's a nuisance for life

I wish, that I wasn't so goddamned lazy and would work on art and/or fanfictions I have in mind.