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Post by mugenginga on Mar 5, 2010 23:35:32 GMT -5
(OOC: This thread WILL be fading to black at some point. It'll likely reach the outer edges of PG-13, possibly lower edges of R, before then. This is using ratings assuming (as I always do) boy love/shounen-ai relationships are as unobjectionable as "het" ones.
Translation for the title is "In This Collapsing World..." (roughly) and is based on Ryoji's unofficial theme song. You can find it on animelyrics under its romaji title in the J-Pop section if you're curious.)
Ryoji had been more calm on the walk back. He'd been smiling more, and overall he was more relaxed. It seemed a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and in a way he was almost back to his old self. Of course, when one considered the likely (and indeed, actual) reason for all it, Ryoji was probably managing to depress Minato with the change in attitude.
Ryoji had no idea Minato had realized he had made the choice to leave that night. The choice was, when the dressings were removed, to let himself die. A sort of suicide if you would, and that was almost the calm he had. The cheerfulness was Ryoji's insistance he not worry Minato anymore, but had it not been for the whole mess leading up to it there would have been no way to tell Ryoji wasn't really back to his human self. Even then, it was as much how well Minato knew him as the evidence. Ryoji refused to drag Minato's emotions down in this last day they'd have together.
The scarfed teenager was holding the bag they'd gotten from the Wild Duck at the Mall. He was reminsicing over events during that two or so months before Ryoji had first realized who he was. Before he'd faded into the Dark Hour, before he'd become what he would likely be before the night was out. Really, looking at Ryoji an outside observer would be hard pressed to realize the hell the two teenagers were going through, at least under the many layers of their surface.
They'd be at the apartments before long.
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Post by Firebreath Fishslap on Mar 6, 2010 0:20:50 GMT -5
Minato was trying to smile for Ryoji. Trying, because he had realized back at the arcade why Ryoji was so calm, so happy now. The guy had been crying back there, and now he seemed more like the Ryoji before the other day, before Izanagi had goaded him into finding the information he needed to remember.
Tonight. It would be tonight. And knowing Ryoji, he'd probably try to do it in the way that would cause the least amount of pain to him. Just... let himself go while he was still in the apartment, let Death do the walking. Dammit, he hadn't even lasted until the new moon. It had been a mistake to take Ryoji to the arcade.
Minato wanted to give Ryoji some good memories for the last time he'd be in control of his own body. This... would probably be the last time he'd see Ryoji as Ryoji. He'd probably end up chasing Ryoji to Tartarus and getting killed for it, too. But he'd still do it, because he was stubborn like that.
The two of them were approaching the apartment's entrance. It seemed strangely empty, though there was a sense of something having happened there earlier that day. Minato shrugged and started up the stairs to their floor. He didn't want to accept what was going to happen. He just couldn't.
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Post by mugenginga on Mar 6, 2010 0:40:27 GMT -5
Ryoji was not unaware Minato was forcing himself. That was another reason why he had to leave. Minato refused to kill him. That strength to stand up to the inevitable that Ryoji had never had. He refused to accept that the world was ending. Ryoji wondered if it was denial, although of a different sort than last time. Last time, S.E.E.S just couldn't understand things were coming to an end. That fear of the end was as much born from a hollow hope as from the knowledge itself. This time, it would be because Minato had stopped it once before. Maybe he'd lost that ability, but it was possible Minato thought it could still be stopped.
Not a bit of that showed as Ryoji continued to dominate the conversation. The only breaks were the occasional smile and nod from Minato. The rare averted glance, but Ryoji chose not to focus on that. He had to go, and in a way it was a relief. Once he was gone, maybe it would be enough to kick Minato over into acceptance. Less than a month was not time for the cycle of grief to complete in most people, but he could hope.
Where would Minato be when the end came, anyways? Denial? Anger? Bargaining? It seemed he was straddling two of them at the moment. Because there was no denying that they were both suffering some depression. It was ironic. Ryoji knew he was far closer to acceptance than any of them would likely get the chance to be. Minato would probably be in denial... Ryoji hadn't forgotten Minato telling him he couldn't not chase him. Trying to stop the inevitable like that was denial. At least Ryoji wouldn't have to deal with it when Minato realized it was hopeless.
They'd reached the Apartments, and Ryoji's cheerful chattering had covered up all his thoughts. As Minato headed up the stairs, the last parts hit and Ryoji looked away and frowned. Damn it. It was still hard, even if he'd made the choice. He reminded himself this was it and swallowed before turning back to Minato. The blue haired teenager hadn't notice his moment of hesitation, and he was grateful. Nyx had told him he needed to accomplish whatever he wanted to do that morning. Ryoji took in a deep silent breath and ran up beside Minato thanks to the tall stairs and made a joke about Aigis and laughed. He wouldn't have the chance to do everything he wanted, but wasn't that better for Minato? It sounded so right and so awkward at the same time, but they loved each other. No need to make things any more painful for Minato than they already would be.
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Post by Firebreath Fishslap on Mar 6, 2010 1:09:05 GMT -5
Minato had managed to tune Ryoji out most of the walk home, but for some reason, as he had walked up the stairs, he found an inability to actually tune Ryoji out. As such, he actually heard the off-color joke about Aigis and gave it a suitable response besides a nod or a smile. He managed to get a laugh out this time.
He walked up to the door and frowned at it before putting his hand on the door and turning the knob. Damn, he'd forgotten to lock it. He had been shaken up enough that he had forgotten to lock it on the way out. Of course, there was always the possibility that Anpu had picked the lock, but Minato found himself doubting that.
As Minato walked into the small, sparsely furnished apartment, he was going over even more things in his head. They just didn't have a lot of time. Time was of the essence. Only a few hours until night fell. Only a few hours after that until the Dark Hour. And when the Dark Hour came upon the world, when Tartarus' pull became even stronger, Minato knew that was when it would happen.
They just didn't have enough time for Minato to do all of the things he wanted to. He looked back toward Ryoji. If he wanted to do anything risky, now was the time.
He took a deep breath. "Ryoji..."
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Post by mugenginga on Mar 6, 2010 1:24:06 GMT -5
Ryoji's smile threatened to split his face as Minato had laughed. That was far better reaction than he had dared to hope to receive. Maybe Minato would be alright in the time he had left, after all. Or maybe it was stress. One of those situations where you either laughed or cried. Ryoji's smile went back to normal levels as Minato reached the apartment door. No, at least part of it was genuine.
He noted Minato's frown as he turned the handle and pushed open the door. Was he upset over not locking it? Well, they had been dodging each other pretty badly this morning. Even if not locking it wasn't a big deal, as it didn't seem to be in this complex, it would be a reminder of things. He gave a grin to let Minato know the door wasn't a problem and followed the blue haired teenager into the apartment. He was about to ask something when Minato stopped. He didn't turn around, just turned his head enough that Ryoji could see one of his eyes. It was pained.
Minato had trailed off after saying his name, as if he wanted to say something that he was afraid would get a negative reaction. Ryoji looked away, the fact that Minato had paused meant it was probably a doozy. He hesitated and tightened his grip on the fast food bad he was still holding. He wondered if he wanted to hear this. After a moment he turned back towards Minato, who was still holding the pose from before and seemed to be waiting to be told it was okay to continue.
"...yes?"
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Post by Firebreath Fishslap on Mar 6, 2010 21:59:33 GMT -5
Minato had been afraid for a moment there that Ryoji wouldn't listen to what he had to say. Or shrug it off and say that whatever it was wasn't important right now. He took a deep breath. He had to say this right now.
"...We don't have a lot of time left, do we?" Minato asked. It went beyond the obvious fact that the Fall would be happening soon. He looked away from Ryoji for a moment. Finally, he looked back up at Ryoji and began to speak again, taking a step forward as he did so.
"There's some things I want to do before you go, Ryoji... And I don't know how much time I have to do them. Ryoji, I..." He took another step forward. "I just want to use the time we have left... the best we can, you know?"
He stopped walking toward Ryoji as he awaited a response. He was anxious. They felt the same way about each other; why was this so hard...?
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Post by mugenginga on Mar 6, 2010 22:12:15 GMT -5
Ryoji shook his head as Minato asked his question. He paused when he realized what Minato was implying. Did he know...? He opened his mouth to say something, anything to put Minato's fear at rest. It would have to be a flat out lie, but he didn't want Minato to suffer any more than he had to. However, Minato continued before he could get any sound out. He looked concerned, but not exactly worried. He was looking Minato in the eyes now, trying to figure out what the blue haired teenager was implying.
He wanted to do things. Like what? He broke his eye contact as Minato mentioned that he didn't know how much time he had to do them. Until that night, but he couldn't figure out what Minato was talking about. He caught Minato move towards him again out of the corner of his eye. The other teenager continued speaking, and then stopped. There was probably two full steps left to close the difference. Ryoji spoke without returning his gaze to Minato.
"What do you mean...?"
Ryoji didn't dare to think Minato was implying what had occurred to him as he took another step towards him. If Minato really was thinking that, he'd had chances before. It wasn't like Ryoji had objected to the previous advances. They always ended the same way. Minato calling himself an idiot, Ryoji trying to push things forward by insisting he wasn't, Minato pulling back even more in response. He swallowed hard and reached up with his free hand to tug at his scarf. Damn the thing was hot sometimes...
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Post by Firebreath Fishslap on Mar 6, 2010 22:30:23 GMT -5
Minato gave a nervous smile as Ryoji tugged at his scarf. It was likely that the other teen didn't realize it, but Ryoji was actually blushing just a tad bit. Minato finally decided to close the distance and pulled Ryoji close to him.
"You know what I mean..." Minato said. He looked away from Ryoji for a moment, which looked a tad bit awkward due to how he was hugging the other teen, but he looked back toward Ryoji soon enough.
"...I don't want to lose you. I don't... but I know I don't have a choice," Minato said. "So please, just grant me this one last selfish request... Ryoji."
He moved from the embrace to placing his lips on Ryoji's own. To hell if he was moving a bit fast. Ryoji would be leaving tonight, that was all but guaranteed. He was gonna enjoy that time they had left, dammit. To hell with everything.
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Post by mugenginga on Mar 6, 2010 22:57:41 GMT -5
(OOC: We've reached high PG-13, possibly low R. Due to some research of other threads, we figure we can get pretty far before having to go all behind the scenes. Blame Double D and Felix if you have issues. XD)
Ryoji's blush increased just a tad as Minato embraced him. He gave a very slight startled gasp, feeling like an idiot for doing so. He probably looked like such a girl right now, but he found himself not caring as Minato spoke again. The other teenager's voice was quiet enough that had Ryoji not been in Minato's arms, he knew he would have missed it. Ryoji attempted to look Minato in the eyes, but it was just then that Minato turned away. How they'd missed bumping each others' noses he wasn't quite sure.
He looked a bit pained as Minato told him he didn't want to lose him. Minato didn't want to lose him, and at the end of the day he didn't want to go. But he knew he had to, and that thought was passing just as Minato admitted he knew the same thing. Minato then all but begged him to grant his selfish request. Ryoji said nothing, but he had no intentions of fighting it. Selfish? Probably, but if that was the case they both were. Minato whispered his name before placing his lips on Ryoji's own.
He'd had his eyes closed for half a second and had begun to relax when he felt Minato's tongue push past his lips and into his mouth. His attempt at a gasp came out as a muffled "ngh!" noise as his eyes popped open. He didn't know why he hadn't expected that with the direction they both knew things were going, but he definently hadn't. Minato must have expected him to pull back or something, because the embrace tightened in response to the startled sound. He closed his eyes again right after, putting his hands on Minato's shirt and grabbing a bit of fabric between both fists. The pull was a vain attempt to try and close the nonexisting distance between them.
Maybe it was selfish, but he wanted this. He had to go tonight, Minato probably knew that with how he was acting. So it was their last chance, and dammit if it was wrong, or fast. They wouldn't have another one, after all...
(OOC: So Yeah. If You Know What I Mean. That is all. *fade out* - FF'll continue after a time jump later.)
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Post by Firebreath Fishslap on Mar 7, 2010 1:14:41 GMT -5
(OOC: If You Know What I Mean indeed.
Time skipped to a few hours later.)
Minato had gotten redressed a little while afterwards and was now lying in bed next to Ryoji. He was half-asleep, only half because he knew he had to be awake for this. He looked over toward Ryoji, then back toward the door, then toward a clock on the wall. It couldn't be that long... dammit, he didn't want to accept this. What was that that they said about the five stages of grief? Denial being the first? Well, he was certainly pretty damn far into it.
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Post by mugenginga on Mar 7, 2010 1:28:07 GMT -5
Ryoji had taken a quick shower after they'd gotten up of the floor, letting Minato get in after him. He'd gone into his head quite a bit in the shower. He was grateful it had happened. The only thing he had left to regret was something he couldn't change. His own clothes hadn't been cleaned yet, but he had arranged them while Minato was in the shower and tucked them under the couch. Minato probably knew, considering his actions earlier, but if he didn't... on the chance he didn't he wanted to be discreet. He had put the clothes from before back on after getting out of the shower himself. They were still clean after all.
He'd hesitated about sharing the bed with Minato. Not because of any aversion to the idea, but because he didn't know if he could get out of bed without disturbing Minato. He hadn't planned on falling asleep at all, but he was still a bit sore after the shower. The tiredness wasn't unpleasant, but it had meant he was asleep in five minutes. He was still asleep at 11:50 PM when Minato was glancing between him and the clock, wondering how long it would be. At 11:54, Ryoji twitched awake.
He gained control of his senses quick enough to fake being asleep, but there was little chance it actually fooled the awake Minato. He kept his eyes closed as he rolled over, looking a bit stiff as he held his arms close so they wouldn't hit Minato, whose approximate location on the bed he knew. He opened one eye to check how solidy Minato was asleep only to find the blue haired teenager looking at him. He averted his glance.
"...I didn't know you were awake," he said, his voice soft.
Dammit, if Minato was awake there'd be no chance to get out without him knowing. After that attempted bluff, Minato wouldn't buy an excuse of the bathroom. And he'd fallen asleep before the Dark Hour, even for his understandable tiredness it would be suspicious. Ryoji said nothing, but Minato would have to work if he wanted to make eye contact with Ryoji's averted gaze.
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Post by Firebreath Fishslap on Mar 7, 2010 1:53:09 GMT -5
Minato looked pained as Ryoji opened one eye and looked at him. Dammit, he had been right. It was too close to the Dark Hour; the fact that Ryoji had been sleeping before was suspicious enough. The fact that he was waking up now all but confirmed things for Minato.
"It's almost the Dark Hour. I wanted to make sure you were okay," Minato said. He still wasn't outright stating what they both knew. It was just too painful for him.
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Post by mugenginga on Mar 7, 2010 1:59:41 GMT -5
Ryoji kept his gaze averted. He didn't have to go tonight. If he didn't, he might be able to sneak out the next night. He found himself adverse to the idea almost immediately. That would be deceiving Minato more than he'd already planned, and it wasn't fair to the blue haired teenager. Ryoji pushed himself up and swung forward into a sitting position. He still wasn't looking at Minato. He pushed his hand through his frizzed hair. He'd fallen asleep while it was wet. His cowlick still stood up, the thing was awfully stubborn.
"You wanted to know how much time we had earlier, right...?" Ryoji said.
If his voice was any quieter he'd be whispering. If Minato knew, or even suspected, that would be as good as admitting it. Then again, Minato might make him say it outright. 11:57PM. He wanted to be out of the apartment before the Dark Hour was half over, but at this rate...?
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Post by Firebreath Fishslap on Mar 7, 2010 7:47:05 GMT -5
Minato's expression didn't changed from the pained look. That confirmed it. Ryoji was asking him that now because he was nearly about to leave. And he was so surprised he was awake because... he wanted to leave without him knowing. That had to be it.
"....Yeah... though I've kind of already got an idea," Minato said. He tried to make eye contact with Ryoji again. "...You don't have to do this, Ryoji."
If that wasn't denial, nothing was. But Minato was seriously believing that there was a possibility that Ryoji could defy his purpose. That he didn't have to make everything end. It was a slim possibility, but he had to hope, couldn't he?
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Post by mugenginga on Mar 7, 2010 9:01:10 GMT -5
Minato managed to succeed in his attempt to make eye contact. It was only for a moment, as Ryoji pulled back and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He did have to do this, but he couldn't blame Minato for not understanding. Souji might, but of all of the people Minato knew now he was probably the only one. Maybe Bakura if he understood the situation right. Ryoji was Ryoji, sure, but the body was Nyx's. A shell to transition from one stage to the next.
"I don't have a choice. I'm Mochizuki Ryoji, I might even qualify as human, but that's just... that's just a mask," Ryoji winced at the metaphor, "I've told you before, knowing things are going to end is painful. Even if I had your strength to deal with that, it won't change the end result. And Minato... if I fight it too much longer I might end up changing into that thing right in front of you some night. You can't tell me watching that would be better than watching me leave like this."
The teenager didn't listen if Minato tried to object. He stood up and adjusted the scarf. It had tightened in his sleep. No matter what Minato said, he was convinced about that last line. The closest comparison he could give of that shift would have been those old werewolf movies. If it looked half as painful as it felt, even with him in full acceptance of it, it would be torture for anyone that cared about him. He kept his back turned as he spoke again, over running Minato's own words if he had to. Ryoji winced a bit as the light outside changed to that green tint as the the Dark Hour hit. He took a step towards the door and paused before looking at Minato. He seemed calmer, even with the lingering pain.
"I wanted to spare you even this, having to watch me leave. But I think I'm glad I didn't get the chance. At least this way... I can say goodbye. It's more than most people get when they lose someone."
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