Post by pieandchips on Sept 19, 2008 17:37:15 GMT -5
Urgh, it's really hard to come up with good review material that's original and funny while at the same time still being informative in this day and age, but I'll try my best here. Maybe if I make flash type reviews and post them here on dA and maybe on Newgrounds or YouTube. I don't know, all I'm saying is that this review won't be as funny as the others because a lack of good material. So with out further ado, BOINGO BOINGO WHOOPSY KNICKERS.
Awesome Review: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Back in the days of glam metal, Saturday Morning Cartoons, fast cars, hot women and um... my parents' late teens and early 20's, I guess, there was a magic box that was released. This magic box was the Nintendo Entertainment System holding such classics as Donkey Kong and Super Mario Bros. In 1987, there was a game released by the name of The Legend of Zelda. Its monster slaying but NOT RPG gameplay won the hearts of millions. Now why the FUCK did I just type that up if the people (or person) that read(s) these reviews already know(s) this? Because I'm doing the, hold on a second.
Let's see there's the first LoZ, then The Adventure of Link, then Link to the Past, then Link's Awakening, then the Oracle games, no wait... Link's Awakening THEN Ocarina of Time THEN Majora's Mask THEN the Oracle games then there was Wind Waker, no that's wrong too... Oracle games, Four Swords, Four Swo- OH GOD DAMMIT!!! Forget it! There are just too many games in this god damned franchise and just such LITTLE innovation. I mean, it's okay with the Mario franchise because the main series has had plenty of innovation over the years, but Zelda, you can't even figure out which order the games go in story wise! It's so fucking confusing! Would it KILL Nintendo to do a LITTLE bit of innovation for the next Zelda game? Huh? WOULD IT?!
2 hours of ranting later...
Okay... Okay... I've settled down now. This is A game in the Zelda franchise, I ain't sure where it goes, but it's A game. This time around, Link the peasant gets a wooden sword. He let's annoying little peasant boy play with it. Said peasant is captured and Link must rescue him. Apparently, somehow, Link's horse is injured and Little Miss Future PETA Member peasant freaks out and keeps it away from Link. Link coerces Little Miss PETA to give the horse back, but then monsters drop out of a portal in the sky. Then, hours later Link wakes up in a supposedly different dimension as a wolf... Oh joy... There he meets some imp like thing namedThe Great Gazoo Mr. Mxyzptlk Midna. Midna is some Twilight bitch who was transformed into an imp by the supposed main villain of the game Zant. I would go further but that would be revealing spoilers. I honestly don't care about spoilers, but other people do so I'll shut up for now.
All in all, the game really isn't that bad, it's actually very good, it just doesn't do very much differently from previous 3D Zelda games. Sure, there are a few new weapons, but the only major innovation about this is the ability to turn into a wolf at will. Otherwise there really isn't much different. However I would like to recommend the GameCube version over the Wii version, because the Wii controls are a little tacked on and are occasionally very inaccurate. Overall, it gets a 9.5/10. Half a point was docked because of the Wii controls, because I'm trying to judge it as a standalone game, so the innovation stuff is pretty much null and void, and I only included it as filler.
Awesome Review: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Back in the days of glam metal, Saturday Morning Cartoons, fast cars, hot women and um... my parents' late teens and early 20's, I guess, there was a magic box that was released. This magic box was the Nintendo Entertainment System holding such classics as Donkey Kong and Super Mario Bros. In 1987, there was a game released by the name of The Legend of Zelda. Its monster slaying but NOT RPG gameplay won the hearts of millions. Now why the FUCK did I just type that up if the people (or person) that read(s) these reviews already know(s) this? Because I'm doing the, hold on a second.
Let's see there's the first LoZ, then The Adventure of Link, then Link to the Past, then Link's Awakening, then the Oracle games, no wait... Link's Awakening THEN Ocarina of Time THEN Majora's Mask THEN the Oracle games then there was Wind Waker, no that's wrong too... Oracle games, Four Swords, Four Swo- OH GOD DAMMIT!!! Forget it! There are just too many games in this god damned franchise and just such LITTLE innovation. I mean, it's okay with the Mario franchise because the main series has had plenty of innovation over the years, but Zelda, you can't even figure out which order the games go in story wise! It's so fucking confusing! Would it KILL Nintendo to do a LITTLE bit of innovation for the next Zelda game? Huh? WOULD IT?!
2 hours of ranting later...
Okay... Okay... I've settled down now. This is A game in the Zelda franchise, I ain't sure where it goes, but it's A game. This time around, Link the peasant gets a wooden sword. He let's annoying little peasant boy play with it. Said peasant is captured and Link must rescue him. Apparently, somehow, Link's horse is injured and Little Miss Future PETA Member peasant freaks out and keeps it away from Link. Link coerces Little Miss PETA to give the horse back, but then monsters drop out of a portal in the sky. Then, hours later Link wakes up in a supposedly different dimension as a wolf... Oh joy... There he meets some imp like thing named
All in all, the game really isn't that bad, it's actually very good, it just doesn't do very much differently from previous 3D Zelda games. Sure, there are a few new weapons, but the only major innovation about this is the ability to turn into a wolf at will. Otherwise there really isn't much different. However I would like to recommend the GameCube version over the Wii version, because the Wii controls are a little tacked on and are occasionally very inaccurate. Overall, it gets a 9.5/10. Half a point was docked because of the Wii controls, because I'm trying to judge it as a standalone game, so the innovation stuff is pretty much null and void, and I only included it as filler.