Post by pieandchips on Jul 19, 2009 5:27:36 GMT -5
A long time ago…
On a website far, far away
*Star Wars theme begins*
f*** THAT! I ain’t trying to review that because all of the translations I’ve downloaded so far SUCK! Instead, I’m digging into the remake, Shadow Dragon (DS)!
Shadow Dragon is the second remake of the very first game (the first remake of course, being Monsho no Nazo (Mystery of the Emblem)), and Gosh Darn it’s as close to a remake as you can get without just putting the first on a DS cartridge and slapping on some new graphics. How do I know, you ask? I downloaded the first game with a translation patch. Unfortunately, the translation was so bad that I went through TWO f***ING MISSIONS before shutting down my emulator. However, after comparing those with the first two missions of Shadow Dragon Hard Mode Level 3 (I’ll get to that shortly), they’re pretty damn faithful.
What I like about Shadow Dragon is that it’s essentially Baby’s First Fire Emblem (hell, it IS the first Fire Emblem) and is a good stepping stone for those new to the series. It features a normal mode that includes a brief tutorial campaign, but it also has FIVE f***ING LEVELS OF HARD MODE. But I digress. It features all of the original characters with spiffy new names. For example,Zihark, I mean, Joshua, I mean, Guy, I mean Rutger NABARL is now Navarre and Gerik, I mean Raven, I mean Dieck OGUMA is now Ogma. I, however, believe that Marth should be called Mars.
Speaking of which, the new characters, while breathing a bit of new life into a twenty year old game, SUCK GIGANTIC DONKEY BALLS (most of them). Many of them you can only get if you’re stupid and you let a big chunk of army die. HOW DOES THAT WORK?! You sacrifice a good character to get a bad one? WHAT A RIP-OFF!
Anyway, relative to the rest of the series, the story is pretty damn simplistic. It can be pretty much summarized as: “You are Marth. There is the Dark Dragon, Medeus. Go kill him.” There’s no shocking plot twists or switcheroos or none of that BS. Well there are a few, and apparently people actually CARE about spoilers
Hmm… What else is there to say? Uh… Some gameplay mechanics like rescuing are gone. Also, you can change a character’s class at a base with a few notable exceptions. I never bothered to use it, though, because such a system is for the weak-minded and can’t work with what they got like in the later games.
8.5/10
Okay, next game!
The black sheep of the series, Fire Emblem Gaiden (contrary to what fans say) isn’t that bad of a game. It’s sorta like Zelda 2 from that perspective. Also, the translation isn’t half bad, so I would recommend downloading an NES emulator and the game or just have me email you one.
What I like about the game is that it introduced elements that would be used later in the series, like branched promotions and a world map (Sacred Stones), or three-level promotions (Radiant Dawn). I don’t understand why everyone else hates it. Is it because it’s different? Well, I guess that’s the same reason nobody bought Psychonauts, but come on! It’s a great game! It even has a promotional chain that can infinitely gain levels! What’s not to like?!
Granted, it’s more difficult than previous games in the series, but it’s still great fun. At least for retro gamers like me and my dad.
9/10
The first remake of the first game, it’s far better than Shadow Dragon except for one crippling flaw. The translation SUCKS. It had everything going for it too! The original game with updated SNES graphics, new characters, a decent ending and even a f***ing sequel attached to the end of it! A sequel that’s REALLY f***ING GOOD, by the way. It’s all for naught, though, if you can’t read the menus. The story of the first part can still suck a dick and if you played the first game or Shadow Dragon, you already know what it is. But not the second part. However, I guess the translations I got are just bad and there might be better ones out there. If anybody has one, email it to me. PLEASE!
From what I’ve heard though, Book 2 (Part 2) is very spectacular and better than the first half. Hardin, a playable character from the first game, goes batshit for some reason and tries to take over all of Akaneia/Archanea, and it’s up to Marth and his now fiancé Caeda (also a playable character from the first game) to stop him. It would be a great game, but my translation of it sucks.
?/10, because I couldn’t finish it.
Now do I have a LOT to say about this game. It’s probably one of the best of the series. By FAR. Epic story line, two parts (Sigurd’s generation and Celice’s generation), many new, interesting gameplay elements like villages taking more than one hit to destroy and will still hand out gold even if they are attacked, the weapon triangle and special skills. While this game has a lot going for it, it is also by FAR one of the most complex games I have ever played.
One of the most f***ED UP and most annoyingly unnecessarily confusing parts of this game is the Love System. When two characters are paired up, they pass their pretty much everything on to their children in the next generation (Part 2). Why is this so f***ed up you ask? BECAUSE IT MAKES NO DAMN SENSE! Why not just use support conversations, huh? It’s far less complex! All you need to do is just put two characters next to each other for a set number of turns and then maybe they get married at the end and perhaps even get busy. Of course, all of that usually occurs after the game is over. Actually never mind what I said about the Love Points bullshit. It actually does sorta make sense now that they should be getting married and plopping out a kid or two before the game is over.
WARNING: BIG SPOILER ALERT. THIS IS THE EMERGENCY SPOILER BROADCAST SYSTEM. THIS IS NOT A TEST. NEXT IS A BIG SPOILER FOR THE GAME.
Pretty much everybody I cared about died during the Battle of Barhara in Chapter 5. That was a very shocking moment. Well at least they all come back (sorta, in the guise of their kids) in the second half.
SPOILER COMPLETED.
While we’re on the subject of the Love System, why don’t we touch on the Jealousy System? How does that sound, class? You wanna learn about the Jealousy System?
Kids: NO!!!
TOO BAD YOU LITTLE BASTARDS! YOU’RE LEARNING ABOUT THE JEALOUSY SYSTEM!
The jealousy system is the REAL big thing in this game that doesn’t make sense. Say there are two female characters and one male character. One female is standing right next to the male, while the other female is standing next the first female. The second female gets a small share of love points accumulated between the first two. I don’t know, I never really understood it because I started with Fire Emblem Blazing Sword and am used to support conversations, but whatever.
Also, one more f***ED UP thing in this game is the Holy Blood system. It’s got something to do with growth bonuses, but I don’t know. I mean good GOD, you need a f***ing degree in Advanced Fireemblemtology to get the basics of all this stuff.
9.5/10, because of a few confusing gameplay elements.
Now, in between the first generation and the second is the next game in the series. Thracia 776.
The last game ever on the SNES (it was released in f***ing 2000! The GameCube was going to be released the next year!) is also the hardest game in the whole series. Ya wanna know why? It’s not because of the story or the missions. It’s because of the Random Number Generator. It’s what decides if you hit or miss or if you critical or not. It also affects many other things.
But, this game adds some new staples to the series, like Fog of War, the Rescue command and Gaiden chapters. However, it brings one very, VERY retarded element to the table. Fatigue. If a character does something, they gain fatigue points. If their fatigue points exceed their HP, they can’t participate in the next chapter. Yes, it’s realistic, but annoying. I don’t want to use different characters! I want to stick to what works! Storywise, it follows the adventure of Leaf, full name
Leaf
Faris
Claus
(No relation to Twig Bartz Lucas, though). Anyway… What can I say, it’s just what goes on during the first and second generation.
Stay tuned, because this review is a two parter!
Next time: FE6-10, the fanbase, the series as a whole and something that inspires a type of rage that's even more furious than Brooklyn Rage.
On a website far, far away
*Star Wars theme begins*
AWESOME REVIEWS
Episode Whatever: Fire Emblem (the whole damn series)
Apparently a long time ago in a universe far, far away, there were the various universes of Fire Emblem. They were known as Akaneia (or Archanea if you’re American or stupid), Barensia, Jugdral, Thracia, Elibe and Tellius. Originally peace-loving continents, one day they all went to war. But this isn’t a bad crossover fanfic, is it? No! It’s a review! It’s a review of the games themselves, the series as a whole and the fandom surrounding it. And it’s up to me, your friendly neighborhood geek Pieandchips666 (or PAC for short) to rip in to each one by one with a rusty shiv. So without further ado, let’s begin with Fire Emblem One: Ankoku Ryu to Hikari no Tsurugi (Dark Dragon and the Blade of Light) (NES).
f*** THAT! I ain’t trying to review that because all of the translations I’ve downloaded so far SUCK! Instead, I’m digging into the remake, Shadow Dragon (DS)!
Shadow Dragon is the second remake of the very first game (the first remake of course, being Monsho no Nazo (Mystery of the Emblem)), and Gosh Darn it’s as close to a remake as you can get without just putting the first on a DS cartridge and slapping on some new graphics. How do I know, you ask? I downloaded the first game with a translation patch. Unfortunately, the translation was so bad that I went through TWO f***ING MISSIONS before shutting down my emulator. However, after comparing those with the first two missions of Shadow Dragon Hard Mode Level 3 (I’ll get to that shortly), they’re pretty damn faithful.
What I like about Shadow Dragon is that it’s essentially Baby’s First Fire Emblem (hell, it IS the first Fire Emblem) and is a good stepping stone for those new to the series. It features a normal mode that includes a brief tutorial campaign, but it also has FIVE f***ING LEVELS OF HARD MODE. But I digress. It features all of the original characters with spiffy new names. For example,
Speaking of which, the new characters, while breathing a bit of new life into a twenty year old game, SUCK GIGANTIC DONKEY BALLS (most of them). Many of them you can only get if you’re stupid and you let a big chunk of army die. HOW DOES THAT WORK?! You sacrifice a good character to get a bad one? WHAT A RIP-OFF!
Anyway, relative to the rest of the series, the story is pretty damn simplistic. It can be pretty much summarized as: “You are Marth. There is the Dark Dragon, Medeus. Go kill him.” There’s no shocking plot twists or switcheroos or none of that BS. Well there are a few, and apparently people actually CARE about spoilers
Hmm… What else is there to say? Uh… Some gameplay mechanics like rescuing are gone. Also, you can change a character’s class at a base with a few notable exceptions. I never bothered to use it, though, because such a system is for the weak-minded and can’t work with what they got like in the later games.
8.5/10
Okay, next game!
Fire Emblem Gaiden (NES)
The black sheep of the series, Fire Emblem Gaiden (contrary to what fans say) isn’t that bad of a game. It’s sorta like Zelda 2 from that perspective. Also, the translation isn’t half bad, so I would recommend downloading an NES emulator and the game or just have me email you one.
What I like about the game is that it introduced elements that would be used later in the series, like branched promotions and a world map (Sacred Stones), or three-level promotions (Radiant Dawn). I don’t understand why everyone else hates it. Is it because it’s different? Well, I guess that’s the same reason nobody bought Psychonauts, but come on! It’s a great game! It even has a promotional chain that can infinitely gain levels! What’s not to like?!
Granted, it’s more difficult than previous games in the series, but it’s still great fun. At least for retro gamers like me and my dad.
9/10
Fire Emblem Monsho no Nazo (Mystery of the Emblem) (SNES)
The first remake of the first game, it’s far better than Shadow Dragon except for one crippling flaw. The translation SUCKS. It had everything going for it too! The original game with updated SNES graphics, new characters, a decent ending and even a f***ing sequel attached to the end of it! A sequel that’s REALLY f***ING GOOD, by the way. It’s all for naught, though, if you can’t read the menus. The story of the first part can still suck a dick and if you played the first game or Shadow Dragon, you already know what it is. But not the second part. However, I guess the translations I got are just bad and there might be better ones out there. If anybody has one, email it to me. PLEASE!
From what I’ve heard though, Book 2 (Part 2) is very spectacular and better than the first half. Hardin, a playable character from the first game, goes batshit for some reason and tries to take over all of Akaneia/Archanea, and it’s up to Marth and his now fiancé Caeda (also a playable character from the first game) to stop him. It would be a great game, but my translation of it sucks.
?/10, because I couldn’t finish it.
Fire Emblem Seisen no Keifu (Genealogy of the Holy War) (SNES)
Now do I have a LOT to say about this game. It’s probably one of the best of the series. By FAR. Epic story line, two parts (Sigurd’s generation and Celice’s generation), many new, interesting gameplay elements like villages taking more than one hit to destroy and will still hand out gold even if they are attacked, the weapon triangle and special skills. While this game has a lot going for it, it is also by FAR one of the most complex games I have ever played.
One of the most f***ED UP and most annoyingly unnecessarily confusing parts of this game is the Love System. When two characters are paired up, they pass their pretty much everything on to their children in the next generation (Part 2). Why is this so f***ed up you ask? BECAUSE IT MAKES NO DAMN SENSE! Why not just use support conversations, huh? It’s far less complex! All you need to do is just put two characters next to each other for a set number of turns and then maybe they get married at the end and perhaps even get busy. Of course, all of that usually occurs after the game is over. Actually never mind what I said about the Love Points bullshit. It actually does sorta make sense now that they should be getting married and plopping out a kid or two before the game is over.
WARNING: BIG SPOILER ALERT. THIS IS THE EMERGENCY SPOILER BROADCAST SYSTEM. THIS IS NOT A TEST. NEXT IS A BIG SPOILER FOR THE GAME.
Pretty much everybody I cared about died during the Battle of Barhara in Chapter 5. That was a very shocking moment. Well at least they all come back (sorta, in the guise of their kids) in the second half.
SPOILER COMPLETED.
While we’re on the subject of the Love System, why don’t we touch on the Jealousy System? How does that sound, class? You wanna learn about the Jealousy System?
Kids: NO!!!
TOO BAD YOU LITTLE BASTARDS! YOU’RE LEARNING ABOUT THE JEALOUSY SYSTEM!
The jealousy system is the REAL big thing in this game that doesn’t make sense. Say there are two female characters and one male character. One female is standing right next to the male, while the other female is standing next the first female. The second female gets a small share of love points accumulated between the first two. I don’t know, I never really understood it because I started with Fire Emblem Blazing Sword and am used to support conversations, but whatever.
Also, one more f***ED UP thing in this game is the Holy Blood system. It’s got something to do with growth bonuses, but I don’t know. I mean good GOD, you need a f***ing degree in Advanced Fireemblemtology to get the basics of all this stuff.
9.5/10, because of a few confusing gameplay elements.
Now, in between the first generation and the second is the next game in the series. Thracia 776.
Fire Emblem Thracia 776 (SNES)
The last game ever on the SNES (it was released in f***ing 2000! The GameCube was going to be released the next year!) is also the hardest game in the whole series. Ya wanna know why? It’s not because of the story or the missions. It’s because of the Random Number Generator. It’s what decides if you hit or miss or if you critical or not. It also affects many other things.
But, this game adds some new staples to the series, like Fog of War, the Rescue command and Gaiden chapters. However, it brings one very, VERY retarded element to the table. Fatigue. If a character does something, they gain fatigue points. If their fatigue points exceed their HP, they can’t participate in the next chapter. Yes, it’s realistic, but annoying. I don’t want to use different characters! I want to stick to what works! Storywise, it follows the adventure of Leaf, full name
Leaf
FarisClaus(No relation to Twig Bartz Lucas, though). Anyway… What can I say, it’s just what goes on during the first and second generation.Stay tuned, because this review is a two parter!
Next time: FE6-10, the fanbase, the series as a whole and something that inspires a type of rage that's even more furious than Brooklyn Rage.
