Post by Felix Falora on Oct 14, 2009 16:16:16 GMT -5
So this is what it's come to, hasn't it? It isn't fair, it isn't right, and I'm sick of it. I always lose friends for many reasons, whether it be they find out secrets about me that I didn't want found out or whether I screw up majorly and suffer for it, but I hate it. Well this time... this time it's my best friend who I thought would never leave me. She was a great girl, kind, sweet... I thought I could trust her with everything. All my secrets, all my dreams... everything. But... no. I was wrong.
Sitting in the cafeteria today, one of her friends came up to me. He told me to fuck off and stay away from her. That's what I heard it as anyways. I don't like it when people try to say things nice to you, to try and make you feel better. I can understand why some people would take it better, but this... he might've well as just told me to fuck off. He said she was scared of me, that she didn't like me, and that she wanted me to back off and stay away from her forever, that we were no longer friends and that she couldn't stand me. I didn't want to believe him, but then her sister came and told me the same thing.
"Stay away from my sister. She doesn't want to be your friend anymore."
That's it... that was my last real-life school friend. I have no one else to be with at Higgins anymore, no one I can show my true face to. I'm just an empty shell now, someone who has to hide behind a mask towards everyone and everything to preservere his life... only now I don't even know why I should do that. Why not just come out to everyone now and see how many guns will be trailed on me? "How dare you be anti-Christian? How dare you be a faggot? How dare you not respect the gangster code? How dare you be every little thing we expect Louisianians not to be... smart, intelligent, and looking for a brighter future? Die... die for not wanting to waste your life away selling dope on the street. Die for wanting to be a knowledgable, commiting member of society."
At least if they kill me, I won't have to deal with the pain of losing every single friend I hold dear to my heart anymore. I hate it and I'm beginning to see more and more why I hate people... because even those you trust just might fuck with you in the end.
Sitting in the cafeteria today, one of her friends came up to me. He told me to fuck off and stay away from her. That's what I heard it as anyways. I don't like it when people try to say things nice to you, to try and make you feel better. I can understand why some people would take it better, but this... he might've well as just told me to fuck off. He said she was scared of me, that she didn't like me, and that she wanted me to back off and stay away from her forever, that we were no longer friends and that she couldn't stand me. I didn't want to believe him, but then her sister came and told me the same thing.
"Stay away from my sister. She doesn't want to be your friend anymore."
That's it... that was my last real-life school friend. I have no one else to be with at Higgins anymore, no one I can show my true face to. I'm just an empty shell now, someone who has to hide behind a mask towards everyone and everything to preservere his life... only now I don't even know why I should do that. Why not just come out to everyone now and see how many guns will be trailed on me? "How dare you be anti-Christian? How dare you be a faggot? How dare you not respect the gangster code? How dare you be every little thing we expect Louisianians not to be... smart, intelligent, and looking for a brighter future? Die... die for not wanting to waste your life away selling dope on the street. Die for wanting to be a knowledgable, commiting member of society."
At least if they kill me, I won't have to deal with the pain of losing every single friend I hold dear to my heart anymore. I hate it and I'm beginning to see more and more why I hate people... because even those you trust just might fuck with you in the end.
