Set Me Free (NN1/Felix)

[nintendonut1]

(Jumping a little ahead, after "Near-Endless Grief"

Theme for the thread: listen.grooveshark.com/#/s/Weather+Storm/J46qe )

On days when he was feeling his worst, a small flight around the eastern end of the island usually did wonders for his heavy heart. This time around, however, he had swept through the Bonsai forests at least three times now, invisible to any suspicious bystanders, but it did little to qualm his overall bereft state of mind.

It did feel good to get out of his bedroom, though, to escape the claustrophobic clashing of negative energies, for the wind to blow through the loose locks of hair that peeked from under his bandana, his wings fully stretched and riding the same winds. These sensations he usually took for granted he absorbed, and some of his destitution left him. But it was not enough. He knew where he needed to go. And so he swept up the koi river and entered holy territory, touching down in the Angel Spring with a slight faltering from a lack of recent practice.

He stood perfectly still for a few minutes, eyes shut and hands resting on his sternum, trying his best to take in the environment around him. Naturally, the warm, safe aura around him was soothing, like a lukewarm shower, but… his heart was put at ease… partly.

It was like… a part of himself was missing. An empty hole in his soul that couldn’t be filled no matter where he went or what he had exposed himself to.

His brow narrowed in inner frustration, and without opening his eyes, he took a few, very certain steps forward until he stood before the mighty spring. He then lowered himself slowly down to the ground, settling into the meditative posture Otto had once taught him, and went still again. Maybe that… missing part wasn’t missing, maybe it was just buried deeply and he needed to open it up. It was unlikely, but worth a try…

…he was just tired of the pain. He wanted that piece of emptiness to be filled again… to feel whole again.

[Felix Falora]

Felix was aching. It wasn't his body. No wounds had been left on his skin ever since the curse had been put on him. However, it was this place. He found himself in the Bonsai Forest, the Koi River, and near the Angel Spring. A voice guided him here, but it was like the holy energies were attacking him, and as well they should. The traitor's skin felt like it was on fire and he was breathing hardly as he tried to make his way through to the actual spring. Tears were falling down his face as he struggled through each step. Never had Felix looked weaker, even when he was once weak. This was truely rock bottom for him, unloved, hurt all over, and weaker then he had ever been before. He nearly fell over, but he could feel a presence. It was familiar and yet... it couldn't be.

Working to keep himself from falling, he broke into a painful trot as he made his way quicker towards the spring. The light flashed and scorched his skin, or so it felt, but he finally made it through and looked at the angel sitting there with a look of utter despair. He immediately spread his wings, and though it felt like every muscle of his body was screaming with agony, he managed to flap his way up towards the one he once called his beloved and landed right behind him, wondering if his presence would bother the one cheerful angel.

[nintendonut1]

Eddward was startled out of his meditation before he could get too far into it, by more than just the audible sounds of a pained landing beside him. Something about this being's aura seemed to contradict everything this spring stood for; darkness, sin... and pain. So much pain. Pain that felt familiar, a similar pain to the one he was in, a feeling of... not being whole.

It didn't take long for him to put two and two together. But half of him was still hit with initial shock when he opened his eyes and beheld his once beloved beside him.

"...ah...ahhh...!" Instinctually, Edd stumbled to the side, leaping up to his feet, his knees still shaking slightly. He remained still, facing the broken angel. What was he to do? He wasn't ready for this! Not so soon!

Okay... okay, deep breaths. Assess the situation.

One thing was certain, this was not the angel that had embarked from the House of Blue Leaves in a fit of spite. No, the anger and spite were gone from his aura; all that was left was despair, and a grim resolve he could not identify. Was this... his punishment? Good lord, the fruits of his Lord’s justice were unpleasant to behold.

Eddward was tempted to forget about everything and take him back home, to heal, just as their first encounter… a venture back to the older days, when he could be depended on again, to be… loved again. But, of course, things were never so easy. Not anymore.

Felix had never been punished to this degree… and their God would not have gone this far if it was not warranted. This was done with all intents and purposes to teach Felix a harsh lesson. And to betray that purpose would be traitorous of his Lord’s will.

And… he hurt him. Eddward had to make sure Felix understood that. He may have been idealistic to a fault and easily compassionate, but he was not about to trampled on. It was time he… well… in layman’s terms, grew some balls.

Still… seeing Felix crumpled on the ground, clearly in pain, was more than Eddward could take. Part of him felt vindicated, to see Felix just as broken and miserable as he had been earlier… but he was not about to lower himself down into spite himself. Just because they both had to face reality didn’t mean he had to be bitter and hateful.

He ventured a shaky hand out in offering; whether Felix would take it to help himself off the ground or not, was his choice. He chose his own words carefully, firm, but not terribly harsh. "Before you say anything… if you’ve come to ask for my forgiveness… you have yet to earn it."

[Felix Falora]

Felix managed to pick himself and saw his lover looking at him. To his surprise, it was not in hate or anger. He had been expecting that so much and fearing it that not getting it caused him to feel a surge of hope... shot down immediately by Double D's next statement. He frowned softly. "Well yeah, I guess I could've figured that. But then again, the moment I started treating everyone around me like crap, I was doomed to eventually hit this moment, but I just... couldn't..."

"Everything I had done was for you, and I had hoped so hard that it would never come to this, but karma just had to intervene. I was so frightened of losing you that in the end I drove you away out of my self-caused anger. When I finally realized what I did, I just couldn't take it, I..."

"I nearly lost the will to live, I'll admit, but God's wrath, yet also his love, was too great for death. He did not let me die. Instead he cursed me to another journey of repentence. In order to gain your forgiveness, I have to bear both of our fears. I must go through the world alone. The grim resolve you feel is his curse upon me. Even our... no... I have no right to call them my friends anymore. Your friends feel it though. Everyone does. Those who feel apathetic still do, and those who are just plain evil still hate me of course, but I thought even you would hate me. Trump came after me and he said that Trevor and the others had sent him. Even Masahiro came back to torment me, a stab in the chest to realize that all this anger was in vain, wanting to rip my wings off because I ruined everything for him and... apparantly your friends disowned him as well."

"We're both torn and broken. My drive to protect you and keep you safe, thinking only of you... led to me hurting you, you who gave me everything. Now we both have nothing and there is one thing I was told to do, one thing to help things somewhat. In order to help the healing process, we have to start all over. Leave each other and move on. I'm not sure if those are the proper terms, but... well what else could this be like."

Felix looked at Edd sadly. "From now on, your soul name is your own. No longer are you Ddwen to me and no longer am I Lillx to you. As far as life has to be concerned for this to work, you are Edd to me and I am Felix to you. And until and unless we ever get close enough to earn the knowledge of our soulnames back... never again shall we remember them."

[nintendonut1]

Eddward remained deathly quiet as Felix spoke. It was comforting to learn that despite what he had done, Felix was no mindless monster and had realized that what he had done was wrong... it felt good to have his hopes confirmed, but it still did not warrant forgiveness. And he was glad Felix was not begging for it, that would’ve been nothing but a heartbreaking situation.

His assumptions were confirmed as Felix went on about God’s punishment… but as he went on, addressing things that Edd was not aware of, his silence broke in disbelief.

“Wait… Masahiro’s… alive?” he choked out, eyes blinking rapidly as they began to sting. “And they sent…”

It was enough to get him to break down all over again, but… the aura of this place kept him calm, and he took a deep breath and approached the issues rationally.

Alright… Masahiro was revived. Not surprising considering it was the first time. It probably took longer due to the degree of the brutality his body faced. It was the disowning bit that threw him for a mild loop. Why—wait, of course. If he had seen Masahiro in his earlier fractured state, to see the ‘source’ of their troubles all for naught, surely he would’ve lost his mind completely. And the others were well aware of that when they sent him away. It was considerate of them, but Eddward knew that this potential separation had been seeded long before this recent conflict. And… oh, poor Perceval…

He placed reuniting the two lovers at the top of his priority list after this; Percy and Masahiro were both innocent of blame as far as he was concerned, and they in no right deserved his pain too.

As far as sending Trump to kill him… well, Trump was psychotic. His memories of that fateful day were a blurred nightmare, but he remembered Trump coming in after the dust had cleared and spouting… the insane things he usually spouted. He probably took their dismissal as the go-ahead to attack Felix. If that wasn’t the case, well… a calm, firm chat with them would straighten things out. There was no sense in jumping to conclusions.

Lost in these thoughts, most of what followed passed through his ears; it was all things he had already known before, and that Felix was only confirming as a mutual understanding. It was the mention of his soulname that jerked Eddward from his thoughts. Immediately, he grew breathless. “Y…you mean…”

Hit with a sudden cold shiver, Edd drew in a deep staggered breath, clutching at his chest emotionally. The little Lillx he felt fluttering around earlier… he felt it springing into the air in joy, like the releasing of a caged bird. And what came back to him in replacement… it filled the hole right up. The missing piece of Ddwen had returned to its rightful place, which is exactly what he had hoped for and more.

Coming back to himself, Eddward found blissful tears rolling down his cheeks. He was whole again.

After soaking in the sensation, his heart automatically drawing in more of the positive energy around him, his gaze came back up to Felix, and already much of the dullness in his eyes had left them.

“…believe me, Felix,” he spoke in a still quiet, but more relaxed voice. “I’ll be looking forward to the day when we can be reunited. Even as we cut our ties, I will never lose the hope that you’ll redeem yourself. You’re often easily corruptible, but I still believe in your strength. And as foolish as this may make me sound, you’ll always be a major part of my life that I’ll never be able to fully let go.”

His small smile faded as grim reality settled in. “…you have a long, grim road ahead of you. Many sins you need to repent for. And I cannot share that path with you.”

A small smile regained. “Even so… for the time being… thank you… for setting me free.”

[Felix Falora]

Felix could see that Double D was collecting himself now that they were themselves again. Giving him back his true name, whatever it was, was a good idea. He saw the boy's smile return, even though he could tell he was still hurt, and it made him feel somewhat better inside. The pain on him lessened now, probably due to the little shift in allegiance he took, but it was still there and it was wracking him to the point he found it hard to keep quiet.

"I'm glad I could relieve you of some of your pain," Felix said softly. "I just want you to know that, even through all of this, I still care for you. But now I must go. The spirits of this place despise me as well. Pain is scorching my body even as I speak. Edward... I will not make you promise to wait for me. For what I've done to you, I cannot blame you if you seek comfort and love from another. But know that, no matter what happens, I'll always care about you."

[nintendonut1]

Eddward nodded deeply. "...I understand." He halfway ventured a hand to rest on Felix's shoulder, but retracted it, assuming that his light energy would also cause him discomfort.

"...go on ahead and leave, then," he calmly replied. "I've said my peace. There isn't any reason to endure more pain than you have to."

He breifly wondered if that was appropiate to say, but he let it go, venturing another listless smile. "...as I will always care for you... Felix." He tried to remember his soul name and found that he could not. Good. "I... wish you the best you can make of this."

[Felix Falora]

Felix listened to Edward's last words and nodded. Then, with a powerful flap of his wings, he managed to get himself into the sky and far, far away from the spring. His memories of the times he spent with Edward would always be with him at least. No matter what happened, he would always have those.

[nintendonut1]

Eddward watched him go quietly, his once soulmate embarking on a long and difficult journey. Still, he meant everything he had said, and would pray for his safe return someday.

He spent a minute or two lingering in the spring, absorbing the positive energy easily now and lifting his mood considerably. As the sky darkened, he remembered he had a home to return to, and some friends to put at ease and inform that... he would be alright.

With that, he took flight and went in the opposite direction of Felix, returning home.

(..and returning to the Grief thread XD)