A little more about me

[pieandchips]

You think you had a bad childhood? Well FUCK YOU, all you people and your prancing around like nothing else. You didn't have my shitty childhood. Seriously, my mom practically kicked me out of the house before I even hit 13, and I never even met my dad. My only friend until I was 10 was this gigantic asshole who lived next door to me who was always beating the shit out of me and ALWAYS 1-upped me at every opportunity. It's not like I had a choice either. I grew up in this REALLY small village with only like 50 people in it. I shit you not. My entire adolescence was just moving around from place to place trying to get along with people who didn't even want me.

Think that's the worst? One of my only friends was this weird Asian guy who only kept me around because he thought I could help him get laid. My other friend was actually kinda nice. She was this cute ginger chick, while flat as a board, was a total nymph. She was fucking sadist, because she enjoyed hitting me A LOT and told me how much she loved getting wet.

But dear god, the bane of my existence was this adult couple that I could not for the life of me avoid. You know those types of couples that are absolutely sickening? Wear matching outfits and finish each others sentences and shit like that? Yeah, that. But the worst of the bunch was their cat, who was AT LEAST twice as annoying as they were. The thing would not shut the fuck up. Like I said, I kept moving from place to place getting into fights with other kids and even adults sometimes.

...

And the only thing that kept me going was my dream of becoming a Pokémon master.

[nintendonut1]

You think YOU'VE got it bad?

I'm surrounded by fucking idiots. The whole damn neighborhood. Some of them are nice, maybe, but their sheer stupidity makes me want to scream. One guy in particular, sometimes I wonder why I hang out with him. All he cares about is himself, and getting rich quick. He's insulted me and my (sweet but also rock-stupid) friend on numerous ocassions, and whenever we get into tight spots, it's NEEEEEVER his fault, oh, god forbid. He even had us all running away from home once. Of course, part of that is because no one's parents are ever fucking home on this block. They hadn't even known we were gone.

The only redeeming features about this ass-tard is that we kind of share the same name and when I get involved in his scams, I get a take of the jawbreaker money afterwards.

[B gal]

YOU THINK YOU GOT ISSUES?!?!?!

My brothers always break the rules. Every single day. Worse of all, they always get away with it. I always tell my mother about this, but she never believes me. She takes forever to come home, and by the time she does, whatever the hell they were doing magically disappears as if it never bloody happened. And when it does stay, I get the blame for it and end with the trouble. And the only person I ever loved that actually showed some fucking sympathy to me has a demonic BITCH of a little sister that keeps beating the ever loving manshit out of me because I interfere with "her precious relationship with being his favorite girl." Well, screw you bitch. At least I'm not breaking any god-damn incestuous pedophilia laws, you sick fuck. I practically at the edge of going into the insane asylum.

And my pet platypus keeps running off somewhere everyday, mostly when my brothers start planning the rule breaking. I mean, what gives?

[DanteMGalileo]

You think you guys have it bad?

My best friend can't help but break every rule there is. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. And almost invariably, the rest of our group gets dragged into whatever mess he got himself into. Oh yeah, and it sometimes feels like I'm the only normal person in the group strange thought as it may be. One of them feels the need to punch everything that moves and has serious anger management issues. Rich boy, for some reason I will never comprehend, is attracted to that bitch, and keeps trying to get into her pants. Another one is sane, if not overly uptight. If he had a backbone, we wouldn't be in half of our fucking messes. Oh yeah, and I found out just recently that he has no sweat glands and thus goes insane whenever it's too hot. His twin sister is always fighting with him, though... I'll admit she's the one that I probably have the least to rant about. We also have this hippie girl in our group, she's completely oblivious to everything, and I swear she's high.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that I'm surrounded by bendy-lined people and unnatural wildlife and shit all the time?

[pieandchips]

Also, you haven't heard about the shitty-ass job I got later. Honestly, it was fucking unbelievable. I'll just try to sum it up with the people I work with.

First, there's this supermodel wannabe chick. Hot as all fuck, but she's as useless as she is hot. She's constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup or some shit. This girl is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs of anyone else over her own. Honestly, she's as dumb as a box of rocks, and I'm surprised she's smart enough to remember to breathe.

The next chick is the complete opposite. She might be one of the smartest people on the planet, and her career opportunities are endless, yet she works here with us. But this bitch is UGLY. A 0 on a scale from 1 to 10. I'm not sure she showers, much less shaves down... there... I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we pass by a hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd is this fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he's baked before work, after work, and I'm pretty sure after work, too. He probably hasn't been sober at any point in the last 10 years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things work, he brings this big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from second hand smoke. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, and we have to make constant stops to McDonald's and Burger King every SINGLE FUCKING DAY.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

[nintendonut1]

You guys ever been to summer camp?

I went once. GOD, it was awful. All of the kids around me were either psychotic or painfully boring. The camp consuleurs consisted of a German asshole, a preppy dancer, and this short fat guy who I could've SWORN was out to kill me. He was batshit crazy. And I was convinced the janitor, chef, and forest ranger were all the exact same person. It was fucking creepy.

Nobody went out at night because there was nothing preventing the bears and cougers from tearing you a new one. You could also forget about the lake (I swim like a goddamn rock anyway), because of the stories lake monster attacking you. I went to check it out, and at first all I found were two kids making out and I figured for a moment that "monster" was a metaphor for "losing your virignity." THEN his gynormous creature leaps out and ATTACKS me! I barely managed to get away! What the FUCK!? Has this camp passed ANY state law inspections?! Do the consoluers and other campers even CARE!?!

No. Because they sit around watching TV all day. Well, that's just fucking swell.

Did I mention I'm a psychic?

[tsifan]

Well I guess after reading all of these... I don't have it THAT bad...

I mean, I guess I have it bad a little. I mean my bros are really stupid I swear to god. Especially the one with the eyepatch, I don't give fuck if that eye's out or shit at all. My oldest brother's just a complete douchebag, but I think he's a pedophile or something. It's so creepy how he just towers over that one girl, I mean she's cute and all although I think she's a bit young. The girl he's always fawning over is always embarresing him, it's almost always worth following along just to watch him get beaten by her. Although shortly after the douchebag just beats me up or something around that.

That girl's interests weirds me out though, she's just like always trying to rape that other guy. It's kinda creepy how much bondage items she carries on her, what more he's out of her species. That's where shit hits the fan really, I think that other guy's got bondage fetishes or something since lately he's like. So protective and close of her.

Then again that would explain my brother, maybe that's why he's always stalking that girl. Creepy. Lately there's been a shitload of people like that one girl though, but more commonly it's our species. I'm not running after and weird chicks like that, but I swear to god my one-eyed freak of a brother sure is. The girl he's looking at? She's a great musician and all, but SHIT her lips are just FREAKY. They're so goddamned big it scares even ME.

I guess it isn't that bad overall though.... compared to you guys of course.

......God, this mouth mask is so annoying. I hate it when I have to spit.

[DM: Dersite Merchant]

Okay, form the looks of things, you guys have had it pretty bad yourself... some even worse than me. But my life wasn't exactly cake either!

My parents were always working, so they were never really there for me. Sure, I had Grandpa around to watch over me and encourage me to develop my gifts. But he could only be part of my life so often; other than that I was all alone. I never had a single friend; everyone either tormented me or ignored me. The one time I had made friends, I had to bribe them with false promises of VIP movie tickets.

After awhile, I just decided to hole myself up in my basement lab to work on my science projects by myself. No one paid me any mind until a group of crazy half-human mutants broke into my house to kidnap me and force me to build stuff for them. Those friends I bribed before? They came to bust me out, but mostly just so I'd fix their broken teleporter pad. The girl has grown very lovely since I last saw her and very talented with her gifts. She's a wonderful person who deserves someone who she can codepend on and respect her wishes. I respect her and would do anything for her, but she doesn't want me. No, she wants that money-loving bad boy with the muscle car. Uggh...

Maybe I was better off staying cooped up in my lab. Then again, I did help save the world...