Post by Felix Falora on Nov 4, 2010 22:26:19 GMT -5
(Please note I am new to a lot of what I am writing. Critique is still acceptable, but please be civil about it.)
(EDIT: This is no longer my NaNoWriMo project, but feel free to read and enjoy it nonetheless.)
(EDIT: This is no longer my NaNoWriMo project, but feel free to read and enjoy it nonetheless.)
Day 1
September 2, 2008
Tuesday
Dear Diary,
My name is Edward Jackson and from now on I'm going to be keeping a documented report inside you on my days at Saint Peter and Paul's Catholic School. I must say it looked like a nice place. The architecture certainly gave me the idea that I was going to church instead. We walked into the main hall. There was a red carpet stretching across the middle of the ground. Even the inside looked church-look, with its litten candles and the altar at the middle, benches taking either side of the carpet. There was a big stained glass window at the back, behind the altar, and I noticed a doorway there. It was shut. Probably belonged to the principal or something like that. We took our seats in the benches and a man walked out of the back room, dressed in formal attire. He welcomed us to the school, told us that he was going to help us get acquainted with our new student life. I looked at the students around me. A good deal of them looked nervous and flincy. I could empathize with them. Some of them, however, sat there with interest, looking as if they had already been desensitized to this sort of atmosphere. The man introduced himself as Brother Paul, the principal of this school. With an ironic name like that, seeing as it's also the name of the saint, I suppose he would be principal. After the orientation, we would be heading to our classes. He made it clear to some of us new children that schools such as this institute were not like regular public schools. This was a church and a school at the same time and students would be required to come on Sundays to join in service. I smiled softly. The atmosphere was nice, I had to admit. He then told us the usual stories. I heard these from my parents myself. It was some of the Bible stories, how God created everything, basically things you can read in Genesis. After that, he asked God to bless us and sent us on our way to class.
The classes were open and wide. They had a nice atmosphere and their own stained glass windows as well, though not nearly as big as one in the altar room. We had quite a few classes. There was English, Reading, and Spelling in the literature department, but we also had Science, History, and Mathematics as well. Then, of course, there were Bible Study classes, where we studied the King James version of the Bible and interpreted the different passages in our own ideas. These classes would take place exclusively on Thursdays and Sundays though. The rules were about the same as what you'd expect for a school, but there were also the religious aspects as well. For starters, we wore a uniform. In my case, I was wearing formal black attire. I looked like I was in a businessman in my suit and tie. The dress shoes were killing me, but I knew I would eventually adapt. The girls, however... well, there are people that say "God bless Catholic Schoolgirls" for a reason. Their skirts weren't that short, but if it were a windy day, I'm sure we'd have no problem seeing their panties. I can only hope for such a day. Hehehe =w=
Anyway, rules aside, we were introduced to our teachers. They're allowed to wear whatever they want, I suppose, for the women even wore manly attire at times. I suppose they didn't want to get caught in those short skirts themselves. More power to them. Our literature teachers comprised of mostly women, however. Our English teacher was a blonde named Sister Garnet. I didn't get to look at much else other then her hair and face. Her eyes were piercing and I did not want to get caught looking lower. I remember what she did say to a boy who mentioned she had large breasts though. She thanked him for the complement, but then said that if he liked to look there again, he might find a pike where his eyes are. Scared the fuck out of me. The others were nice though. One was a beautiful redhead named Sister Margeret and the other was an elderly lady named Sister Jennifer. Not that I have anything against the elderly, mind you, but... well, you won't see me crushing on a woman who's old enough to be my grandmother. It's a rule of sorts in my personal code of ethics. Sister Margeret teaches Spelling. Sister Jennifer teaches History. Our other teachers were male though. I can only say this much. My Reading teacher looks tough. He calls himself Brother Johnathan. He didn't have much muscle on him, but he still looked like the kind of guy that could snap your neck if you weren't careful. The other two seemed laidback though. Brother Kelly, who looked almost like a girl himself, taught Mathematics. Brother Michael, our Science teacher, definently looked like a scientist himself. And then there was Brother Hector, our Bible Studies teacher. He looked like a Priest, and acted like one too. He spoke of how Jesus died for our sins and how we ought to honor him with our very breaths. He had personality around his speech though. He didn't just say it, but he emphasized it. He was much better then the pastor at my old church anyway. That guy had just been boring.
After all introductions were out of the way, we were left free to socialize for today. Actual classes would begin tomorrow. I could tell that things would be interesting at this place, but I was approached by a male student who called himself Jason Fletcher. Apparantly Jason was leader of the choir and he was looking for new members to sing. He heard from my previous schools that I was an amazing singer and, though I hate to boast, I have to admit that it is what I'm well known for. Nevertheless, though, I told him I'd think about it. Certainly there'd be other clubs I'd consider joining. Jason told me it was alright and we started to conversate a bit. I think I made a friend today, diary, but I'm not sure if he's really my friend or if he just wants me in his club. Well, however it works, we'll soon see, won't we? Anyway, my parents are probably coming to pick me up soon. I'm gonna end this entry here. Until tomorrow.
Day 2
September 3, 2008
Wednesday
Dear Diary,
Today was an eventful day as it marked the beginning of our classes. I got to see how the teachers were, sans Brother Hector of course, and I must say that things here definently are more strict then they were back at my old school. Nobody seemed to care back there how you did things so long as they could grade it. Here, however, the teachers are majorly strict. They want to see good work and students following the rules. I nearly dozed off in English. The threat that Sister Garnet issued for falling asleep in her class was more then enough to keep me awake. The chop to the back of the head certainly helped solidify the fact that I would never screw up in there, even if it killed me, which it would most certainly do less painfully then if I did screw up. Then there was Reading and Brother Johnathan was also kinda scary. I wanted to ask if he was married or related to Sister Garnet, but I didn't. Though he didn't touch me, he made it clear that he would not tolerate any tomfoolery in his class. Brother Kelly was also strict, and his calm demeanor actually freaked me out more then Brother Johnathan's loud voice. Brother Kelly didn't yell. He just used this silent, deadly tone and told us what he'd do if we fell asleep. What really threw me off guard was Sister Margeret. She kept a cheery, bubbly personality when she told us that she would pluck our eyeballs out if we fell asleep. Our teachers are real cynics. Thankfullly enough, Sister Jennifer and Brother Michael weren't as morbid, but they made it clear that they would not take us falling asleep either.
We didn't do much in classes though. The work was just a review of things, to see where we were academically. English, Reading, and Spelling was just a bunch of writing to see how well we could structure sentences, interpret readings, and spell words. Mathematics was how well we could solve problems. Science tested our observations and knowledge on different scientific processes. History was about the easiest as all Sister Jennifer did was give us a bit of a lecture on the rules of the class as well as what lessons we'd do. I guess she didn't have any work planned or figured that History was something that had to be taught from the beginning and onward with no reviews. Nonetheless, after her lecture, we just socialized a bit. I mainly kept to myself to write inside you, Diary, because that would be the fun thing to do after all.
Jason caught me before I could get out of school. He wanted to ask if he could have my number. Seems like he did want to become my friend after all. I let him have it, but let him know that my parents didn't like anyone calling except in the case of the weekends. He agreed to the terms and then went on himself. I gave a soft little prayer to God before heading on to my ride. I know it doesn't seem like I wrote in you much this time Diary, but I hope more things will happen in the days to come. Until tomorrow, Diary. I'll be sure to update often.
Day 3
September 4, 2008
Thursday
Dear Diary,
This school can be pretty boring at times, but
Dear Jackson,
I have read through your diary after having confiscated it and I really must thank you for the flattery. Calling me a cynical, intimidating teacher is the equivalent of calling a normal girl a beautiful angel who's decended from Heaven above as a gift from God. However, I will not tolerate you writing in a manner that is not the work I give you during my class until after you have finished your work in a satisfactory manner. Make that mistake again and I will show you why the students are rightfully afraid of me and why the Seniors are wary in my presence. Also, I'll be sure to warn the girls on windy days not to be caught with you around. I guess I can't ask a young man such as yourself to avert your eyes as that would be the same as asking the Devil to have a heart that's pure and just. But I will not tolerate such perverse actions with the knowledge of your intent. Even if I have to kill your eyesight, I will not have you oogling purposefully on campus. That being said, don't think of me as such a bitch that I'll attack without distinction from purpose and accident, but I trust the girls will punish you for accidents while I will make sure you do not give into your lustful temptatons if it is on purpose.
This is your first warning in my class. It's three strikes and you're out, buddy, so I hope you know what's good for you and don't fuck up again. Diaries are for home writing, not for school writing. Learn the difference.
Sister Garnet.
Day 4
September 8, 2008
Monday
I decided to take Friday off due to the confiscation of my diary on Thursday. I hope the weekend will help sweeten Sister Garnet's mood. Yesterday we had our first Bible Studies class as Brother Hector had taken off the Thursday Sister Garnet taken my diary. As I expected, Brother Hector is serious about his teachings. We began to read the passage of Matthew in the New Testament. It seemed to be one big listing of family members in Christ's generation up until Joseph, at which point Joseph would take Mary in and she, despite being virgin, would have our savior as her first born child. We were expected to explain the second half of the story with our own interpretation on it. Thankfully he did not expect us to keep a record on all the people that were "begotton." If he had expected that, I think I would've had to have been exorcised. The amount of screaming that would've receeded itsself from my throat may have given me the visage of a possessed or lost soul.
The other classes were... actually quite boring. I may have to skip some days if nothing eventful happens on those days. I would hope to be able to at least write about some interesting things and not just about how Dickinson was one of the greatest mystery writers of all time or how we learned about the Pythagorean Theorem in mathematics. Well I guess it's a good thing we haven't gotten that far just yet. I don't think I'd be able to take the pressure. Honestly, diary, I didn't come in thinking it would be a piece of cake, but I never imagined that the teachers would be so tough... or crazy, in Sister Garnet's case. If anybody needs to be exorcised, it's her. I never suspected anyone could scare so many people so easily, but when I saw her look towards me while I was writing inside you, she just had this sadistic look in her eye. Luckily my work was done satisfactory enough to her, so she didn't take you again, nor did she attack me. I was afraid, with the look she had, that she really would shove a pike through my chest.
Jason called me during the weekend. I was actually quite surprised that he did so, figuring he'd be too afraid to call considering the strictness of my parents. My father had answered the phone before me and, according to Jason, had scared the other boy shitless with his loud, strict voice. Pops is a cop, you see... I did not mean to make that rhyme, looking at now. Either way, he's a very strong man and I'd hate to be the lawbreaker that fucks with him. There's no way I'd ever be that stupid, which is why I'm doing as well as I am now. My mother's no slouch either actually. She's a lawyer, but her business is with civil cases, not criminal cases. She says she can't stand the idea of being a lawyer for criminal cases as it would mean trying to defend criminals even if they were guilty of charge. After all, that's what she'd be getting paid for, and she would never want to go against her duties, but at the same time, she wouldn't want to go in favor of the law being skewed. Lawful Neutrality can bite me sometimes, but that's why I prefer a Neutral Good standpoint.
I had friends who played Dungeons & Dragons back in Elementary School.
Anyway, Sister Garnet did mention to me, even though she didn't take you, Diary, that if I brought you tomorrow, she'd confiscate you again, so I'll have to wait until Wednesday. I'm really sorry that I have to leave you behind yet again, but I fear the things that woman might put me through.
Day 5
September 10, 2008
Wednesday
Something actually happened today. Sister Garnet saw me writing in my diary, but she didn't yell at me. I know I gave her satisfactory work and what not, but I figured she just had it out for me. However, she just grinned. For some reason, that freaks me out more then just if she had been in her usual mood. To be fair, though, I think she got a sadistic kink from Sister Margeret's irritation. Apparantly, something bad happened to the poor redhead because she was nearly in tears during all of Spelling Class. I asked her about it, but she just told me to sit down and write in you like I always do after I'm done with my work. I'm making a note of all of this as of right now because I need to understand how Sister Garnet and Sister Margeret are connected before I say that Sister Garnet is just the incarnation of evil. Anything is possible, after all, and the possibilities are endless. Nevertheless, I must be on guard.
Brother Kelly was also on edge today, though in a more subtle way then Sister Margeret. He wasn't near tears, but I could tell he was sad by the tone of his voice when he spoke. It didn't sound as calm as it usually did. His voice almost sounded strained, as if he was trying to speak. I told Brother Paul about this, but he said that the problems of the staff were not mine to worry about and that I had more pressing issues to worry about. I did mention Sister Garnet's smug attitude, however, and he told me he'd ask her about it, but it was none of my business and I would not need to know unless Sister Garnet herself told me. Though what they say makes absolute sense, it still irks me to no end. My curiosity cannot just be tossed aside, after all, and I do want to find out.
I ran into Jason again. He mentioned that, on the 22th of September, we would be choosing clubs to place ourselves in. It was supposedly going to be a very high stress day, but with the conversations we've been having, I have found myself learning more and more towards the choir. I did like to sing, after all, and it would be nice to be in a club with an actual friend and not just somebody I have no idea about. So I told him I'd probably join and he nodded and said he'd be happy to have me, thanking me for considering it. Then he left, said something about being in a hurry to gather all the preparations. What a weird guy.
Day 6
September 15, 2008
Monday
My mother kept my diary on lockdown until today. My mother told me it was not good to write about people in such a thing after she went snooping through it. Doesn't she have any idea about the meaning of privacy? After she read the letter Sister Garnet wrote, she chewed my ass out. Then there were the profanities, my bored attitude through the classes, my perverted thoughts about the schoolgirls with their extremely short skirts... hehehe, in a way, it's irritating. At the same time, I found her reactions hilarious. Her eyes nearly popped out of her skull when she read the first passage involving the girls. My dad also read the diary thanks to Mom, but he never mentioned the girls and, when he pulled me away for a private chat, he mentioned that he was the same when he was a kid. Nevertheless, though, Mom was pissed, so I have a lot of information to cover. Back at Thursday, I made a new friend, a female friend of sorts. Her name was Naomi LeGaulle and she was one of the female students there. Let me tell you, she is one of the greatest beauties ever. She's also interested in the choir and saw me getting close to Jason, so she wanted to know how choir might be. I had no idea, but I invited her to join it with me and she was happy to do so.
I have a chance with this girl and I don't intend to blow it, but at the same time, I have to watch myself carefully. So far, she's only shown interest in being just friends. I have to pace myself accordingly, so as to come off with just the right amount of forwardness at the right timing. If all else fails, maybe she has a couple of lady friends that are interested in me. I'll have to check that out later, but until then, I'll just see how close I can get to Naomi.
The only class that has remotely interesting material is Bible Studies class, but that's only because Brother Hector has some interesting qualities about him. As I said before, he speaks with enjoyment in his voice. He's not just teaching the Bible, but he seems to live it... well, not every single passage in it, of course. We started a new little thing. Apparantly the first of Matthew had been to show us how Jesus would come to the world, born from the virgin Mary. But he seemed to do a sudden jump and moved on to speak about a random couple of verses from a different story during our review. Kings 18 was brought up and the story of Baal, how Baal worship used to involve hookers and whore until Elijah showed them the power of God and had them slain. Apparantly God had a bit of a temper because Baal isn't worshiped today, as far as I know. Still, whores are dirty creatures. Any woman that chooses to be one deserves whatever's coming to her. At least that's my opinion. Watch somebody call me sexist over it, men who partake in whores deserve karmic payback as well.
Jason and I kept up communications, of course, and rather well considering how my parents were taking him. My father, for some reason, said something seemed off in his voice. I didn't understand what he was saying, so I didn't question it. My father often liked to say weird things to make it sound like he knew somebody when he really had no clue what someone was like. Even if he didn't like it, I'd probably still be visiting Jason at school. Maybe even at his house if we really got close. On the other hand, he was happy to hear that I was taking an interest in Naomi. He had been worried I would turn out to be gay. I'm glad I'm not gay because, if I was, I'd never hear the end of it from them. I don't have any major opinion on it myself, but I know that it's a touchy subject when it comes to any domination of Christianity due to the words against it in Leviticus, which we're actually supposed to study one of these months. Well... if God says it's a sin, then I suppose I'll have to try and turn as many homosexuals as I can back to God's path when I'm able to.
Still, that's neither here nor there. I'm sorry, Diary, it's just that I feel more comfortable about writing about things inside you then just... thinking about them too much. We'll get to that issue if it ever springs up, but I doubt we'll ever find gay people inside St. Peter and Paul's. Either way, Sunday was review on the differences between how things were before and after Christ. To me, it seems like God was more wrathful before Christ then he was after. As if Christ's death had calmed him down, made him realize that we humans could have more then just evil feelings, even if it seemed we did not care about him at our current states. We were always tempted, of course, and the Devil's shadow would hang over us, loom like the shadow of death, which is practically was. It was our eternal death, God giving us none of his good graces if we dared to align ourselves with the Prince of Lies. I don't know who would be foolish enough to align themselves with the incarnation of evil, but if all the criminals in the world aren't a basis to start with, then perhaps I'm just as idiotic as some of the people I've condemned.
Sadly not much has happened today. I noticed people are starting to work really hard in getting ready for Club Day on the 22th of September. One more week and I'd be able to join Jason and Naomi in singing in a heavenly choir along with many other hopefuls. Still, though, something seemed odd about all of this. But, Diary, a lot of things always seem odd. I'll always be here to document them though. Don't you worry about that.
Day 7
September 18, 2008
Thursday
Nothing interesting happened the last two days. Naomi, Jason, and I just did some socializing together. That was all. It was pretty interesting to find out, however, that Jason's father is a CEO. Unfortunately, though, his parents were divorced. His father's taking care of him while his mother had custody of his younger sister. That must've been a sad thing to go through. Neither Naomi, nor I, knew the pain of having our parents seperate. Naomi's father, on the other hand, is an architect. Her mother is a librarian. Both of them, according to Naomi, work hard. I can believe it if her grades are any indication of them working her. Straight As in all the tests she's shown me so far. I make an average of Bs and Cs myself, getting As in Bible Studies only because I like the class. Jason has straight As as well. I seem to be the odd one out. Oh well, something may give one day. Perhaps I'll learn to love school... or maybe I'll have a gun put to my head and be forced to actually study one of these days. Who knows? Anything is possible, after all.
Jason did seem weird about the whole invident though. If I were him, I'd be devestated myself. My parents divorcing, leaving each other... but I guess he moved on. He addressed the situation with a smile on his face. Naomi had brought up his mother, wondering why he hadn't told us what she did as well. If he didn't know anymore, it'd make sense that he wouldn't be able to tell us, but Naomi pressed on until Jason just chuckled and threw the metaphorical baseball out of nowhere. It was a really cunning move on his part; shut Naomi up really fast as she begged, over and over again, for his forgiveness. I don't know, it seems kind of cruel to me. I told Jason this, though, and he did appologize for causing her to worry, so maybe it's just me after all. Something doesn't seem right about how that smile looked, though, when he mentioned his mother being divorced from his father. It was almost as if he didn't mind the tragedy, as if he set it up.
Or maybe that's just more paranoia on my part. Sister Garnet has been getting to my head lately. She seems ready to attack at any moment. The month's been passing too slowly for me and the thought of having to spend all four years of High School in the same teaching class with this woman really made me want to cry. If I had went to public school, I could've only had to deal with someone like Sister Garnet for just one year, but we had to show our faith to the good Lord above and go here instead. Normally I wouldn't have any complaints, but come to think about it, here's one. Do not stick me with teachers that look like they are ready to pull switchblades out on you! It's not good for my health, it's not going to help my study ethic, but what it will do is drive me one step closer to wanting to kill myself. Actually that might not be a wise move either. When Sister Garnet was asked about the suicide in Romeo and Juliet, she said that it was because both of them were, and I quote what she said directly, "cowardly little bastards who couldn't handle the fuckups in life and decided to make their parents grieve over them because they could!!!" Something tells me I've found the source of Sister Garnet's anger.
I'll confront her about it after Club Day. Maybe me and her could come to an understanding of sorts. I'll tell you later diary. It's just something that I'd never thought I'd bring up again. For now, though-
Edward,
I see you have already angered Sister Garnet. But if you're going to confront her about her obsession against suicide, that would be a very dangerous move. I'm warning you about this for your own safety. As a close friend of Sister Garnet's, I will not break her trust in me and tell you what happened. What I will tell you, however, is that it is very tragic. Yes, she's taking it rather weirdly, turning into the cynical person that she is, but I can at least say that I understand her feelings. Brother Paul and I are doing whatever we can to help her. You ought to mind your own business and just focus on your schoolwork.
Speaking of schoolwork, since I'm writing in this already, I might as well tell you that you'll want to study up on the story of Elijah. We're gonna be getting ready to cover him and then there will be a test. Normally I wouldn't tell you this, but it seems you have a favoritism towards me in this little diary of yours, so I'll grace you with a little extra help. After all, I'm a nice guy... usually. I would like to think I am, anyway, and the spirit of the Lord is within you, so that really solidifies it.
Also, as for your entry regaring your thoughts on September 15th, relax. Homosexuality may be a sin, but it is an unavoidable one for those that find themselves in that orientation. I am sure God has a good place for those who are unable to convert into heterosexuality. I'm more worried about the bisexuals and pansexuals that choose to be homosexual though. The world needs more people to follow God. Otherwise heretics may take over and we'll find ourselves in a world without God. I don't think I need to tell you how apocalyptic that'll be like.
Still, it's good that you're straight yourself. Good luck with Naomi. She's a nice girl, so be good to her. Hurt her and God will most likely punish you very severely.
Brother Hector.
Day 8
September 19, 2008
Friday
Friday. I didn't get a chance to document a Friday before. It's always such a busy day. Everyone's looking forward to the weekend. Everyone always looks forward to the weekend. No school on Saturday and only a Bible Studies class with church on Sunday. Nobody has any qualms about that if it's for God, after all. No one should come to such a school if they want both days of the weekend off. At least, that's how I see it. Jason also sees it the same way. I questioned him about it. I questioned him about a lot of things. But it's like he was just a walking Bible. When I asked him about the whole homosexuality issue, he quoted Leviticus. I still don't understand why that's begun to bother me ever since Dad mentioned it. I guess I should just let it go sooner than later, but until then, I want answers. Maybe my inquisitive nature is going to get me into trouble one day, but until that happens, I'll just not worry about it.
Club Day is next Monday. I had agreed to join the choir, of course, but my mind kept wandering to what other kind of clubs there would be. Sports clubs, artistic clubs, literature clubs... I heard that Saint Peter and Paul's had a wide variety to choose from and, for some reason, it felt like I was being forced to join the choir. I did mention this to Jason, though, and he said I shouldn't feel forced. After all, it's not like he was putting a knife to my throat and saying I should only join the choir. That'd be heresay, after all. Something about the way he said that actually kinda creeped me out. Naomi even agreed with me. I guess we both were thinking about the same thing. The humerous tone he had saying that... there was a trace of seriousness in it, as if to say that he was offended I would even suggest he was forcing me to join the choir. It was just a speculation after all, it wasn't anything to worry about. Besides, this Monday it would be official, so he ought to be happy about that.
Day 9
September 22, 2008
Monday
I won't be documenting in you until our first choir practice. I want to be able to keep the memory fresh in my mind. However, I do have a concern I want to mention today. Jason... again. Jason seemed to pull a whole 180 when I signed up for the choir. He wasn't happy, like I expected him to be. Rather, he asked me if I felt like he was trying to push me into it. Naomi gave him some hassle over it and he acted like he normally does with her. I don't understand what his problem is. I think I should appologize, though, for I obviously struck a nerve without realizing it. Perhaps later, at choir practice, as he wouldn't come near me after that. I've gone through this whole day without seeing him once. After classes, he's just kind of drifted away from me. He'd hang around with Naomi, but leave if I came up to speak to her. She thinks he's being a childish, immature jerk.
Either way, I'm now an official member of the choir. It wouldn't do good for him to be angry at me if we're to have fun with this. Practices are every Wednesday after school. Seems like a fair time as there's usually nothing holding me back from anything on Wednesday. I can only hope that I'll be able to enjoy this alongside both my friends. Otherwise it'll all have been for nothing. Maybe I'll be able to make some new friends as well. Including Jason, Naomi, and myself of course, the choir has a good 50 members. I'll be able to find out how some of them are later, but I doubt I'll ever truely get to find out about all of them. Then again, certainly one thing is common in all of us. The love of God we have to share. This Wednesday, I'm sure that flickering light will show itsself in us all.
Day 10
September 24, 2008
Wednesday
I asked Jason to forgive me yesterday. It took him a while, longer then I would've hoped, but we're mostly friends again. Naomi seemed to have some influence on his decision however. I don't understand why he took it so personally and I asked him why, but he said it wasn't any of my business. I'd like to have told him something, but in the end, I guess it really isn't my business. What I do wonder, however, is why he was so keen to mention that his father and mother were divorced. That wasn't the business of any of us. It was between his parents, maybe him and his sister too, but me and Naomi were let in on it thanks to him. What right did he have to tell us that? I just... want to know to know. I want to know where he gets off being a hypocrit.
We had our first choir practice today. Salve Regina... It was rather heavenly, but hard to sing in the first place. Latin... of all songs he could've chosen and he decided to pull out a song that's usually sing in the old Latin of all things. A dead language... yet I'm expected to be able to speak it. I've never even learned it. I don't know a lot of what all of this means. Thankfully Jason has agreed to help me learn so that I'll be ready. Apparantly a lot of the songs the choir sings is in Latin, not just this one, so if I'm not ready, I'll be a step behind everybody, not just him. To be deathly honest, that would explain why no one else complained when he decided to choose Salve Regina, Oh Holy Mary, as our first song. In fact, they sang along greatly. I was the only one struggling. I guess there's still so much I need to know. Jason explained that priests and bishops sometimes preached in Latin, which is why it was an important language to learn. It was our holy duty. I heard a lot about holy duty, but I never knew that learning Latin was also part of that duty. How foolish of me.
The end of the month is getting closer and closer. We have off on the 4th of October only because of it being a Saturday. I might write on that day as well, even though I only wanted to write on school days. Well... I can't complain. Beggers can't be choosers and I want to document as many holidays as I can as well, so I'll be sure to do that. And that day... will be a very holy day. Hell, I hear that Mass will be held on that day instead of the usual Sunday. I guess it makes sense. We'll get there when we get there though, diary. No need to mention it so quickly.
Day 11
September 26, 2008
Friday
Diary, Jason's been teaching me a good amount of Latin. I think I'll be able to sing Salve Regina well when we have our first choir meetings. Apparantly we're going to be singing for October 4th. Salve Regina will be the big finale, but thankfully we'll be singing mostly English Gospel. I am extremely thankful for that; I don't know what we'd do if we had to sing in Latin the entirety of the Mass. However, I understand that we'll be singing for every Sunday church meeting after that, so we have to go to church even earlier then the usual worshippers. Seems like it'll be harsh, but I can live with the idea of sacrificing more of my time. I'm more worried about Naomi. She's not a morning person. Brother Kelly learned this the hard way when Naomi asked him if he was going to keep jerking her leg or teach her some actual mathematics. He made a bit of a witty comment, I must shamefully admit, but her reaction was to viciously strike hard at his image and remind him he looked like a girl. I thought for sure she'd be expelled then. Thankfully, he took the insult in stride. Apparantly he liked his long hair; it made him feel better. Naomi wasn't pleased by the lack of a negative reception, but I was personally thankful of it.
I wish I could get that kind of treatment from Sister Garnet. She pretty much asked me if I had looked up Naomi's skirt again. When I told her I hadn't, she let me know she thought it was a good thing because if I had, she would've chopped my manhood off. Honestly, why do they always threaten the balls? I know it's a man's weak point, but why not go to the eyes or the heart? For us, it's always the fucking dick. It makes me want to scream. Luckily I was able to control myself and just let her know I'd be sure not to go looking up a girl's skirt anytime soon. She called me a good boy, trying to insult me I'm sure, and then let me be. Yeesh, talk about hellish. Anyway, Diary, the end of the month is upon us. Next choir practice is the 1st of October. I'll be sure to update on you then.
Day 12
October 1, 2008
Wednesday
We didn't practice today. Rather, Jason didn't show up. I wouldn't know why if Brother Paul hadn't explained it to us himself. Someone else had to lead the choir because Jason was dropping out of the choir. Why was that, I had asked him? I soon regretted it. Apparantly Jason's father got a phone call from his mother. They apparantly kept in touch due to their children, but it usually wasn't on good terms, just to speak to the other child. However, in this case, it was about Jason's little sister. She had been murdered just Sunday, while we were at Mass and doing Bible Studies. I found it odd that on that day, we had studied the 10 Commandments. One of them had been "Thou Shalt Not Murder." Brother Hector was still going all around the place and, as unprofessional as it may seem, it gave us a lot of knowledge on many different things at once, which was really helpful.
A bullet to the head. As an only child, I couldn't even begin to fathom the pain Jason must've been going through. We had things going so well and it was all suddenly ripped apart along with what I must assume was Jason's heart. His sister was found dead, a bullet in her skull, and he's allowed to take a week off to attend the funeral. He'll be back next Wednesday. I hope he'll be ok by then. Who am I kidding though? I should pray he'll be ok at all. Losing someone you love... I couldn't even imagine what pain that entails. The only time I've faced death with my eyes is when my pet cat, Sasha, was accidentally run over in the streets. I had been distraught that day, begging God to bring her back. My parents, however, explained to me that death was permanent. I was eight-years-old back then, a foolish child. But I've grown since then. I know that death is an irreversable condition. God takes the souls he so willingly gave us back into his arms. We belong to him, so he has all rights to take us back when he feels like it. Cases where people ought not to have survived, yet did, are cases in which God decided he did not need them back at that moment.
My parents had told me I ought to have been happy that Sasha was going back to God. When I was a child, I had blindly gone along with it. But looking at death now, I've always asked myself this question. If God is taking his souls back, and those souls are going to Heaven, then why do we mourn? Why do we feel despair, sadness, and a want to join them? Is it because we are jealous that they've gone on to Heaven ahead of us, leaving us here to suffer life's torments? Or is it because, in the end, we just want to live life with them, because we love them so much that we always want them with us? Either way seems rather selfish; they have a right to be with God. But at the same time... Jason never got a chance to know who his little sister was except for the calls he had with her on the phone. He was gonna meet her one day and now... the day he meets her, she'll be laying in a coffin, unable to hug Jason or tell him how much she loves him.
What kind of mercy is that? What kind of love is that? Why didn't God let her live? I may be no one to judge his will, but even then the only question I can really ask is why.
Why did you choose to let this happen to Jason, God? Why?
Day 13
October 6, 2008
Monday
It's been nearly a week since we heard that Jason's sister died. He's supposed to come back in two days. To be honest, though, I could hardly blame him if he chose to never come back at all. I think I understand why he was so angry before. He was forced to give up his mother and sister before he could get to know them, so he must hate it when people thinks they're being forced by his hand when all he wants to do is mutually enjoy life with them. It must be frustrating to try and have your friends, only to have things backfire due to their own mentality working against you. But this just made me think of that. Jason mentioned the divorce, then got upset when I speculated that it felt like I was being forced to join the choir, even though I was obviously joining due to my own free will. It seems to be the only logical explanation, but this time I'm smarter about trying to speak my mind. Jason's reaction from me talking to him along with Brother Hector's warning about talking to Sister Garnet have stuck in my mind. This Sunday, at Mass, we all prayed for Jason's sister, that her soul may find its way back to our Father's arms.
Brother Paul decided to put Naomi in charge of the choir. She had experience back then as well and thus made a good fit for it. I was relieved to see that Naomi willingly took the role; I'd hate to have joined the choir just to see it fall, making my efforts all for naught. After all, there were plenty of other clubs I was interested in, but unfortunately I had already set my sight for the club my friends were joining, thus I couldn't have been bothered to join the other clubs. It wasn't anything personal to the other students; it's just the way I am. I've always been that way, ever since Middle School. I tried joining another club once. Not only did my friends decide I was no longer their friend, but I discovered that I hated the other atmosphere. It just didn't suit me. Nothing other then the company of the friends I already made suited me, and since I had lost them then, I hope not to lose them now.
I'm sure Naomi will do a good job running the choir. I just know she will. I can't explain how I know; just call it God telling me if you must.
Day 14
October 8, 2008
Wednesday
Jason didn't come back to school today. It's a shame as I was hoping to talk to him, but I guess it's for the best. An inquistive soul such as myself would've only hurt him. Now Brother Kelly sees me writing and he's coming here. Great, more unneeded extras in my
Unneeded extras? That's a bit rude, don't you think?
I guess this is your diary though, so I probably have no business adding my two-cents to it. However, if you would focus on your mathematics as much as you focus on your worries and thoughts, you might actually pass the class. Sadly, that doesn't seem to be the case at the moment, so I'm just going to take a moment of the time that you're now working to explain something to you, since I'm writing this down anyway and nobody can hear me.
Jason is going through a pain that you cannot understand unless you have lost someone close to you first-hand. It is a pain that cuts deep into the heart, blinding you to reason and logic at times. Jason really ought to be in school, but I don't hold any anger against him for being away. As his teacher, I am dutifully required to understand his pain. However, I understand it not as his teacher, but rather as a person. I have lost my own family before as well. But when someone loses their family to illness, who can you blame?
Jason will most likely go through hatred, wanting the person who killed his sister dead. He has that luxery, though it may not seem like a luxery. I spent a good portion of my childhood blaming God for my misfortune. I thought He had it in for me, wanting to make me suffer for some unknown sin I had committed. I was foolish back then; many can argue I am still foolish today, but at least I have come to understand that it is not the fault of anyone or anything that my family died.
Their time had come. It had been my time to learn to survive on my own. No one can live forever after all. The Creator decides when we ought to return to him, after all, and it is His right to make that decision. No one can tell Him otherwise, after all, and those that try to are rather... brash. Bold would be more of a compliment.
You were also curious about Sister Garnet, am I correct? She too knows the pain of death. I'm certain you'll notice that she did not laugh at Jason's misfortune. Brother Hector is a kind man, but I think someone ought to confront the poor girl about her ludicrous behavior. You and I should do just that. Tomorrow, I will ask you to accompany me to Sister Garnet's house. The truth will come out there and perhaps we can stop her from being such a bitch, blunt as it may be to say such a thing. Sister Margeret will need some help as well, but I guess she's mellowed down in your eyes as you hardly right about her.
Actually, Sister Margeret is quite the shocker. See, she used to be a Pagan.
Oh, there was the bell. We'll talk more about Sister Margeret later.
Brother Kelly.
Day 15
October 10, 2008
Friday
I was not allowed to bring my diary yesterday due to the intervention Brother Kelly and I had regarding Sister Garnet. We ended up going to her house after school. Sister Garnet and Brother Kelly sat down to talk about things. Brother Kelly tried to convince Sister Garnet that she needed to stop acting the way she did in school because it wasn't kind, it wasn't the way God intended her to act. Naturally, Sister Garnet had told him he could not judge what God wanted of her. I, meanwhile, had stirred on what Brother Kelly had written in my diary when he had said that Sister Garnet knew the pain of death. Eventually I had come out with it, realizing what it was, and asked Sister Garnet if someone close to her had committed suicide. By her hasty response and anger in telling me that it was none of my business, I realized that that was what pained her so much. Brother Kelly urged her on and she got it all out in one sitting.
She didn't like being cynical, apparantly, but she also didn't want to get close to anyone else. Her own sister had committed suicide. Sister Garnet blames her sister's lack of faith in our Lord and Savior, but when Brother Kelly asked the more exact reason for it, Sister Garnet just said that her sister killed herself over depression. A simple negative emotion such as depression can make someone want to die, after all. I knew that from firsthand experience myself, but what teenager didn't? However, Sister Garnet's sister decided to press on into the dark abyss and chose to actually take her own life, thus turning Sister Garnet into a spiteful woman who did not want to befriend anyone else.
I asked her about why she was happy the day Sister Margeret had been extremely upset. She revealed to me that Sister Margeret and herself used to be great friends until Sister Garnet became zealous in her faith as a Catholic, condemning Sister Margeret's faith. Naturally the two split apart, but eventually Sister Margeret had converted to Catholicism. Sister Garnet had thought they'd become close again, but it turned out that the man Sister Margeret had become married to was an enemy to Sister Garnet, thus the two were still at odds. However, Sister Garnet had been happy that day because it was the day Sister Margeret and her husband got a divorce. It seemed too perfect for the crazy English teacher; her best friend loses the husband she hates and yet stays the same faith that she had chosen... her former best friend anyway.
I think it was at this point that Sister Garnet realized the foolishness in her judgements and actions. Her eyes had just widened and her body shook. Brother Kelly said it was time for us to leave and took me home. The lie to my parents was that we had been doing some math tutoring. To my shock, my mother and father, who were usually expert at detecting lies, believed him completely. I didn't know if it was because he was a teacher and they were more likely to trust him or if he had actually lied in some way that had made them believe he was telling the truth. I actually asked him today about it. To my shock, he gave me a solid answer. He told me that, when lying, you had to be able to speak as if you had lived the lie, or were living it in the case of trying to fake sick from school. You had to have the right tone, the right emotions, the right look, the right movements, and more. It was an artform, so if you weren't talented in it, it'd be harder to do. However, and Brother Kelly stressed this the most, only lie if you have to. Brother Kelly wanted to protect Sister Garnet's secret, either that or not make her seem like a creepy couger of sorts, and thus felt he had to lie. I understood his motive truely enough that I figured that even He would let him off the hook.
Jason still hadn't returned. I hope he didn't end up like Sister Garnet's sister. I'm truely worried, diary. I hope everything will be ok.
Day 16
October 13, 2008
Monday
Today was the second Monday of October, henceforth it was Columbus Day, the day we celebrate the founding of our country by Christopher Columbus himself. Oh, but then again, there were Native Americans here before us, but we drove them off as if they were nothing more then swine. All of my bloodline runs back to Europe myself, unfortunately, but Naomi's told me that she doesn't celebrate Columbus Day because she has some Native American blood in her. The only thing that keeps me from believing her wholely is that she is unable to tell me from tribe she has blood from. There were many different tribes, after all, and not knowing your own heritage is pretty sad. As for me, I'm part French, German, and Irish. Supposedly I might have Sweedish, British, and Dutch in me as well, but we never got that far. I doubt the British part would be true anyway, what we me having French AND Irish blood; if blood doesn't dictate that I have unnatural racism towards the English, then I'll be highly lucky indeed.
Of course, as if fate was laughing in my face, this would also be the day that Jason returned. We talked a lot. He had plenty of questions to ask God, but he knew that none of them could be answered wholely. All he could do was accept that there was nothing he could do about it. His sister was dead. Nothing could change that; no amount of praying, crying, or sulking could bring her back to life. It was time to move on. I didn't know what to say to that. It had been a while, though, so maybe he got it all off his chest. Plus it's much better to just let it all go and move on then dwell on the past. I think it's a good thing he managed to move on and didn't just stay in depression, but the way he said he moved on just made it seem to me like he didn't care for a moment there. Either way, he offered me luck with Naomi and the choir and then went about his business. I wondered what was going on with him. He didn't seem like his usual self.
Speaking of people not being their usual selves, Sister Garnet's changed a lot too. Brother Hector was displeased, on one hand, to see that I had not heeded his advice about her. His displeasure was rather short-lived, however, as he had taken Brother Kelly and myself to a nice place to celebrate Sister Garnet's change. She's not a cynical witch anymore. She's stopped threatening student's lives and is actually starting to smile a bit more in class. That being said, she still doesn't act as nice as Brother Hector, but all improvements help. Three cheers for helping someone get closer to the light. Now all I have to do is find out about Sister Margeret. Brother Kelly had told me about Sister Margeret's previous life as a Pagan. Apparantly it ran in the family, but she had a change of heart one day after losing Sister Garnet and began to follow the path of God. Quite a story to hear, even in my opinion; it is always good to hear that the enemy can be conquered in the name of our heavenly Father.
Now the question is... can Jason conquer his demons?
Day 17
October 16, 2008
Thursday
Dear Edward
I bet you're wondering what happened to your diary as I'm writing this. It must be funny to imagine the look on your face. Just be glad I'm not a thief when I return this to you tomorrow. You better read every word I'm writing because these last three days have been weird, which is why I decided to take your diary in the first place. I see you were too shocked by the news Wednesday to write in it that day. As for Tuesday, you must've been bored or something. However, I have some gaps to fill in and I think you'll be shocked about what I have to say, so here it goes. Please don't hate me if your view on Jason is skewed forever.
I will admit that, for your thoughts on Tuesday, not much did happen at school. Jason was his normal self to a certain degree. He didn't seem happy like he used to, but I just blamed that on the loss of his sister. Any normal person would be sad by that. I know he said he moved on, but he's still young like the rest of us. He's obviously hurting more then he wants to believe. So we talked a little, right? Well after I got home, Jason called me. That's where things got a little eerie. Our conversation started off normal enough, but about halfway in, he began to speak of blemishes in the school, imperfect stains that were making it look bad. He was saying that some people just didn't seem to fit in and that God ought to do away with them. He really scared me, Edward, and I told him that. He told me not to worry; he said I fit in. That just made me even more scared, so I told him I had to hang up and did so.
Then Wednesday came, of course, and we found out that poor Sister Margeret was dead. Jason was as torn apart as the rest of us, but Brother Paul mentioned at the funeral that Sister Margeret had been a Pagan in her life before she converted to Catholicism. I guess Brother Kelly and Sister Garnet helped you learn about this, but it brings back to mind what Jason said about "some people" who "just didn't seem to fit in." A Pagan wouldn't fit in a Catholic school after all, right? Could this mean something bad is happening? Did Jason do something wicked? Sure, he acted like he was sad at the funeral, but something tells me he knew about this.
Finally, Jason and I talked today. He said that the loss of Sister Margeret was regrettable, but to think that she had been a Pagan all this time was just shocking. He said that all human life must be treasured and mourned, but now the school could have someone purer teaching there. There's no evidence to prove that it was him; you and I both saw that Sister Margeret seemed to just die of a heart attack and the school won't let anyone perform an autopsy on her due to "spiritual tradition," so there's no way to tell if she was poisoned or not once the body is burned. We're kinda screwed right now, Edward. Jason could come after us next and we wouldn't have anyway of knowing it. At this point, I find his name ironic. Jason is the name of the killer in the Friday the 13th series after all. I wonder if his parents knew just how he'd turn out with a name like that.
I also have bad news for your front that makes me worried as well. You know that mental discussion you had with yourself concerning homosexuality? Also know how you have a crush on me? Well I'm sorry Edward, but I unfortunately don't pitch for your team. I'm a lesbian, to put it bluntly, and I'm not interested in guys sexually speaking. I know this means that I'm technically an abomination against God, I deserve to go to Hell, yada yada blah blah blah. If I knew how to be attracted to guys, I would've chosen to be the minute my mother told me to die in a fire. But I can't switch it, Ed, so I'm sorry, but I can't return your feelings.
I hope you won't be angry at me. But I don't blame you if you are. Just please, for your sake more then mine, be wary of Jason.
Naomi.
September 2, 2008
Tuesday
Dear Diary,
My name is Edward Jackson and from now on I'm going to be keeping a documented report inside you on my days at Saint Peter and Paul's Catholic School. I must say it looked like a nice place. The architecture certainly gave me the idea that I was going to church instead. We walked into the main hall. There was a red carpet stretching across the middle of the ground. Even the inside looked church-look, with its litten candles and the altar at the middle, benches taking either side of the carpet. There was a big stained glass window at the back, behind the altar, and I noticed a doorway there. It was shut. Probably belonged to the principal or something like that. We took our seats in the benches and a man walked out of the back room, dressed in formal attire. He welcomed us to the school, told us that he was going to help us get acquainted with our new student life. I looked at the students around me. A good deal of them looked nervous and flincy. I could empathize with them. Some of them, however, sat there with interest, looking as if they had already been desensitized to this sort of atmosphere. The man introduced himself as Brother Paul, the principal of this school. With an ironic name like that, seeing as it's also the name of the saint, I suppose he would be principal. After the orientation, we would be heading to our classes. He made it clear to some of us new children that schools such as this institute were not like regular public schools. This was a church and a school at the same time and students would be required to come on Sundays to join in service. I smiled softly. The atmosphere was nice, I had to admit. He then told us the usual stories. I heard these from my parents myself. It was some of the Bible stories, how God created everything, basically things you can read in Genesis. After that, he asked God to bless us and sent us on our way to class.
The classes were open and wide. They had a nice atmosphere and their own stained glass windows as well, though not nearly as big as one in the altar room. We had quite a few classes. There was English, Reading, and Spelling in the literature department, but we also had Science, History, and Mathematics as well. Then, of course, there were Bible Study classes, where we studied the King James version of the Bible and interpreted the different passages in our own ideas. These classes would take place exclusively on Thursdays and Sundays though. The rules were about the same as what you'd expect for a school, but there were also the religious aspects as well. For starters, we wore a uniform. In my case, I was wearing formal black attire. I looked like I was in a businessman in my suit and tie. The dress shoes were killing me, but I knew I would eventually adapt. The girls, however... well, there are people that say "God bless Catholic Schoolgirls" for a reason. Their skirts weren't that short, but if it were a windy day, I'm sure we'd have no problem seeing their panties. I can only hope for such a day. Hehehe =w=
Anyway, rules aside, we were introduced to our teachers. They're allowed to wear whatever they want, I suppose, for the women even wore manly attire at times. I suppose they didn't want to get caught in those short skirts themselves. More power to them. Our literature teachers comprised of mostly women, however. Our English teacher was a blonde named Sister Garnet. I didn't get to look at much else other then her hair and face. Her eyes were piercing and I did not want to get caught looking lower. I remember what she did say to a boy who mentioned she had large breasts though. She thanked him for the complement, but then said that if he liked to look there again, he might find a pike where his eyes are. Scared the fuck out of me. The others were nice though. One was a beautiful redhead named Sister Margeret and the other was an elderly lady named Sister Jennifer. Not that I have anything against the elderly, mind you, but... well, you won't see me crushing on a woman who's old enough to be my grandmother. It's a rule of sorts in my personal code of ethics. Sister Margeret teaches Spelling. Sister Jennifer teaches History. Our other teachers were male though. I can only say this much. My Reading teacher looks tough. He calls himself Brother Johnathan. He didn't have much muscle on him, but he still looked like the kind of guy that could snap your neck if you weren't careful. The other two seemed laidback though. Brother Kelly, who looked almost like a girl himself, taught Mathematics. Brother Michael, our Science teacher, definently looked like a scientist himself. And then there was Brother Hector, our Bible Studies teacher. He looked like a Priest, and acted like one too. He spoke of how Jesus died for our sins and how we ought to honor him with our very breaths. He had personality around his speech though. He didn't just say it, but he emphasized it. He was much better then the pastor at my old church anyway. That guy had just been boring.
After all introductions were out of the way, we were left free to socialize for today. Actual classes would begin tomorrow. I could tell that things would be interesting at this place, but I was approached by a male student who called himself Jason Fletcher. Apparantly Jason was leader of the choir and he was looking for new members to sing. He heard from my previous schools that I was an amazing singer and, though I hate to boast, I have to admit that it is what I'm well known for. Nevertheless, though, I told him I'd think about it. Certainly there'd be other clubs I'd consider joining. Jason told me it was alright and we started to conversate a bit. I think I made a friend today, diary, but I'm not sure if he's really my friend or if he just wants me in his club. Well, however it works, we'll soon see, won't we? Anyway, my parents are probably coming to pick me up soon. I'm gonna end this entry here. Until tomorrow.
Day 2
September 3, 2008
Wednesday
Dear Diary,
Today was an eventful day as it marked the beginning of our classes. I got to see how the teachers were, sans Brother Hector of course, and I must say that things here definently are more strict then they were back at my old school. Nobody seemed to care back there how you did things so long as they could grade it. Here, however, the teachers are majorly strict. They want to see good work and students following the rules. I nearly dozed off in English. The threat that Sister Garnet issued for falling asleep in her class was more then enough to keep me awake. The chop to the back of the head certainly helped solidify the fact that I would never screw up in there, even if it killed me, which it would most certainly do less painfully then if I did screw up. Then there was Reading and Brother Johnathan was also kinda scary. I wanted to ask if he was married or related to Sister Garnet, but I didn't. Though he didn't touch me, he made it clear that he would not tolerate any tomfoolery in his class. Brother Kelly was also strict, and his calm demeanor actually freaked me out more then Brother Johnathan's loud voice. Brother Kelly didn't yell. He just used this silent, deadly tone and told us what he'd do if we fell asleep. What really threw me off guard was Sister Margeret. She kept a cheery, bubbly personality when she told us that she would pluck our eyeballs out if we fell asleep. Our teachers are real cynics. Thankfullly enough, Sister Jennifer and Brother Michael weren't as morbid, but they made it clear that they would not take us falling asleep either.
We didn't do much in classes though. The work was just a review of things, to see where we were academically. English, Reading, and Spelling was just a bunch of writing to see how well we could structure sentences, interpret readings, and spell words. Mathematics was how well we could solve problems. Science tested our observations and knowledge on different scientific processes. History was about the easiest as all Sister Jennifer did was give us a bit of a lecture on the rules of the class as well as what lessons we'd do. I guess she didn't have any work planned or figured that History was something that had to be taught from the beginning and onward with no reviews. Nonetheless, after her lecture, we just socialized a bit. I mainly kept to myself to write inside you, Diary, because that would be the fun thing to do after all.
Jason caught me before I could get out of school. He wanted to ask if he could have my number. Seems like he did want to become my friend after all. I let him have it, but let him know that my parents didn't like anyone calling except in the case of the weekends. He agreed to the terms and then went on himself. I gave a soft little prayer to God before heading on to my ride. I know it doesn't seem like I wrote in you much this time Diary, but I hope more things will happen in the days to come. Until tomorrow, Diary. I'll be sure to update often.
Day 3
September 4, 2008
Thursday
Dear Diary,
This school can be pretty boring at times, but
Dear Jackson,
I have read through your diary after having confiscated it and I really must thank you for the flattery. Calling me a cynical, intimidating teacher is the equivalent of calling a normal girl a beautiful angel who's decended from Heaven above as a gift from God. However, I will not tolerate you writing in a manner that is not the work I give you during my class until after you have finished your work in a satisfactory manner. Make that mistake again and I will show you why the students are rightfully afraid of me and why the Seniors are wary in my presence. Also, I'll be sure to warn the girls on windy days not to be caught with you around. I guess I can't ask a young man such as yourself to avert your eyes as that would be the same as asking the Devil to have a heart that's pure and just. But I will not tolerate such perverse actions with the knowledge of your intent. Even if I have to kill your eyesight, I will not have you oogling purposefully on campus. That being said, don't think of me as such a bitch that I'll attack without distinction from purpose and accident, but I trust the girls will punish you for accidents while I will make sure you do not give into your lustful temptatons if it is on purpose.
This is your first warning in my class. It's three strikes and you're out, buddy, so I hope you know what's good for you and don't fuck up again. Diaries are for home writing, not for school writing. Learn the difference.
Sister Garnet.
Day 4
September 8, 2008
Monday
I decided to take Friday off due to the confiscation of my diary on Thursday. I hope the weekend will help sweeten Sister Garnet's mood. Yesterday we had our first Bible Studies class as Brother Hector had taken off the Thursday Sister Garnet taken my diary. As I expected, Brother Hector is serious about his teachings. We began to read the passage of Matthew in the New Testament. It seemed to be one big listing of family members in Christ's generation up until Joseph, at which point Joseph would take Mary in and she, despite being virgin, would have our savior as her first born child. We were expected to explain the second half of the story with our own interpretation on it. Thankfully he did not expect us to keep a record on all the people that were "begotton." If he had expected that, I think I would've had to have been exorcised. The amount of screaming that would've receeded itsself from my throat may have given me the visage of a possessed or lost soul.
The other classes were... actually quite boring. I may have to skip some days if nothing eventful happens on those days. I would hope to be able to at least write about some interesting things and not just about how Dickinson was one of the greatest mystery writers of all time or how we learned about the Pythagorean Theorem in mathematics. Well I guess it's a good thing we haven't gotten that far just yet. I don't think I'd be able to take the pressure. Honestly, diary, I didn't come in thinking it would be a piece of cake, but I never imagined that the teachers would be so tough... or crazy, in Sister Garnet's case. If anybody needs to be exorcised, it's her. I never suspected anyone could scare so many people so easily, but when I saw her look towards me while I was writing inside you, she just had this sadistic look in her eye. Luckily my work was done satisfactory enough to her, so she didn't take you again, nor did she attack me. I was afraid, with the look she had, that she really would shove a pike through my chest.
Jason called me during the weekend. I was actually quite surprised that he did so, figuring he'd be too afraid to call considering the strictness of my parents. My father had answered the phone before me and, according to Jason, had scared the other boy shitless with his loud, strict voice. Pops is a cop, you see... I did not mean to make that rhyme, looking at now. Either way, he's a very strong man and I'd hate to be the lawbreaker that fucks with him. There's no way I'd ever be that stupid, which is why I'm doing as well as I am now. My mother's no slouch either actually. She's a lawyer, but her business is with civil cases, not criminal cases. She says she can't stand the idea of being a lawyer for criminal cases as it would mean trying to defend criminals even if they were guilty of charge. After all, that's what she'd be getting paid for, and she would never want to go against her duties, but at the same time, she wouldn't want to go in favor of the law being skewed. Lawful Neutrality can bite me sometimes, but that's why I prefer a Neutral Good standpoint.
I had friends who played Dungeons & Dragons back in Elementary School.
Anyway, Sister Garnet did mention to me, even though she didn't take you, Diary, that if I brought you tomorrow, she'd confiscate you again, so I'll have to wait until Wednesday. I'm really sorry that I have to leave you behind yet again, but I fear the things that woman might put me through.
Day 5
September 10, 2008
Wednesday
Something actually happened today. Sister Garnet saw me writing in my diary, but she didn't yell at me. I know I gave her satisfactory work and what not, but I figured she just had it out for me. However, she just grinned. For some reason, that freaks me out more then just if she had been in her usual mood. To be fair, though, I think she got a sadistic kink from Sister Margeret's irritation. Apparantly, something bad happened to the poor redhead because she was nearly in tears during all of Spelling Class. I asked her about it, but she just told me to sit down and write in you like I always do after I'm done with my work. I'm making a note of all of this as of right now because I need to understand how Sister Garnet and Sister Margeret are connected before I say that Sister Garnet is just the incarnation of evil. Anything is possible, after all, and the possibilities are endless. Nevertheless, I must be on guard.
Brother Kelly was also on edge today, though in a more subtle way then Sister Margeret. He wasn't near tears, but I could tell he was sad by the tone of his voice when he spoke. It didn't sound as calm as it usually did. His voice almost sounded strained, as if he was trying to speak. I told Brother Paul about this, but he said that the problems of the staff were not mine to worry about and that I had more pressing issues to worry about. I did mention Sister Garnet's smug attitude, however, and he told me he'd ask her about it, but it was none of my business and I would not need to know unless Sister Garnet herself told me. Though what they say makes absolute sense, it still irks me to no end. My curiosity cannot just be tossed aside, after all, and I do want to find out.
I ran into Jason again. He mentioned that, on the 22th of September, we would be choosing clubs to place ourselves in. It was supposedly going to be a very high stress day, but with the conversations we've been having, I have found myself learning more and more towards the choir. I did like to sing, after all, and it would be nice to be in a club with an actual friend and not just somebody I have no idea about. So I told him I'd probably join and he nodded and said he'd be happy to have me, thanking me for considering it. Then he left, said something about being in a hurry to gather all the preparations. What a weird guy.
Day 6
September 15, 2008
Monday
My mother kept my diary on lockdown until today. My mother told me it was not good to write about people in such a thing after she went snooping through it. Doesn't she have any idea about the meaning of privacy? After she read the letter Sister Garnet wrote, she chewed my ass out. Then there were the profanities, my bored attitude through the classes, my perverted thoughts about the schoolgirls with their extremely short skirts... hehehe, in a way, it's irritating. At the same time, I found her reactions hilarious. Her eyes nearly popped out of her skull when she read the first passage involving the girls. My dad also read the diary thanks to Mom, but he never mentioned the girls and, when he pulled me away for a private chat, he mentioned that he was the same when he was a kid. Nevertheless, though, Mom was pissed, so I have a lot of information to cover. Back at Thursday, I made a new friend, a female friend of sorts. Her name was Naomi LeGaulle and she was one of the female students there. Let me tell you, she is one of the greatest beauties ever. She's also interested in the choir and saw me getting close to Jason, so she wanted to know how choir might be. I had no idea, but I invited her to join it with me and she was happy to do so.
I have a chance with this girl and I don't intend to blow it, but at the same time, I have to watch myself carefully. So far, she's only shown interest in being just friends. I have to pace myself accordingly, so as to come off with just the right amount of forwardness at the right timing. If all else fails, maybe she has a couple of lady friends that are interested in me. I'll have to check that out later, but until then, I'll just see how close I can get to Naomi.
The only class that has remotely interesting material is Bible Studies class, but that's only because Brother Hector has some interesting qualities about him. As I said before, he speaks with enjoyment in his voice. He's not just teaching the Bible, but he seems to live it... well, not every single passage in it, of course. We started a new little thing. Apparantly the first of Matthew had been to show us how Jesus would come to the world, born from the virgin Mary. But he seemed to do a sudden jump and moved on to speak about a random couple of verses from a different story during our review. Kings 18 was brought up and the story of Baal, how Baal worship used to involve hookers and whore until Elijah showed them the power of God and had them slain. Apparantly God had a bit of a temper because Baal isn't worshiped today, as far as I know. Still, whores are dirty creatures. Any woman that chooses to be one deserves whatever's coming to her. At least that's my opinion. Watch somebody call me sexist over it, men who partake in whores deserve karmic payback as well.
Jason and I kept up communications, of course, and rather well considering how my parents were taking him. My father, for some reason, said something seemed off in his voice. I didn't understand what he was saying, so I didn't question it. My father often liked to say weird things to make it sound like he knew somebody when he really had no clue what someone was like. Even if he didn't like it, I'd probably still be visiting Jason at school. Maybe even at his house if we really got close. On the other hand, he was happy to hear that I was taking an interest in Naomi. He had been worried I would turn out to be gay. I'm glad I'm not gay because, if I was, I'd never hear the end of it from them. I don't have any major opinion on it myself, but I know that it's a touchy subject when it comes to any domination of Christianity due to the words against it in Leviticus, which we're actually supposed to study one of these months. Well... if God says it's a sin, then I suppose I'll have to try and turn as many homosexuals as I can back to God's path when I'm able to.
Still, that's neither here nor there. I'm sorry, Diary, it's just that I feel more comfortable about writing about things inside you then just... thinking about them too much. We'll get to that issue if it ever springs up, but I doubt we'll ever find gay people inside St. Peter and Paul's. Either way, Sunday was review on the differences between how things were before and after Christ. To me, it seems like God was more wrathful before Christ then he was after. As if Christ's death had calmed him down, made him realize that we humans could have more then just evil feelings, even if it seemed we did not care about him at our current states. We were always tempted, of course, and the Devil's shadow would hang over us, loom like the shadow of death, which is practically was. It was our eternal death, God giving us none of his good graces if we dared to align ourselves with the Prince of Lies. I don't know who would be foolish enough to align themselves with the incarnation of evil, but if all the criminals in the world aren't a basis to start with, then perhaps I'm just as idiotic as some of the people I've condemned.
Sadly not much has happened today. I noticed people are starting to work really hard in getting ready for Club Day on the 22th of September. One more week and I'd be able to join Jason and Naomi in singing in a heavenly choir along with many other hopefuls. Still, though, something seemed odd about all of this. But, Diary, a lot of things always seem odd. I'll always be here to document them though. Don't you worry about that.
Day 7
September 18, 2008
Thursday
Nothing interesting happened the last two days. Naomi, Jason, and I just did some socializing together. That was all. It was pretty interesting to find out, however, that Jason's father is a CEO. Unfortunately, though, his parents were divorced. His father's taking care of him while his mother had custody of his younger sister. That must've been a sad thing to go through. Neither Naomi, nor I, knew the pain of having our parents seperate. Naomi's father, on the other hand, is an architect. Her mother is a librarian. Both of them, according to Naomi, work hard. I can believe it if her grades are any indication of them working her. Straight As in all the tests she's shown me so far. I make an average of Bs and Cs myself, getting As in Bible Studies only because I like the class. Jason has straight As as well. I seem to be the odd one out. Oh well, something may give one day. Perhaps I'll learn to love school... or maybe I'll have a gun put to my head and be forced to actually study one of these days. Who knows? Anything is possible, after all.
Jason did seem weird about the whole invident though. If I were him, I'd be devestated myself. My parents divorcing, leaving each other... but I guess he moved on. He addressed the situation with a smile on his face. Naomi had brought up his mother, wondering why he hadn't told us what she did as well. If he didn't know anymore, it'd make sense that he wouldn't be able to tell us, but Naomi pressed on until Jason just chuckled and threw the metaphorical baseball out of nowhere. It was a really cunning move on his part; shut Naomi up really fast as she begged, over and over again, for his forgiveness. I don't know, it seems kind of cruel to me. I told Jason this, though, and he did appologize for causing her to worry, so maybe it's just me after all. Something doesn't seem right about how that smile looked, though, when he mentioned his mother being divorced from his father. It was almost as if he didn't mind the tragedy, as if he set it up.
Or maybe that's just more paranoia on my part. Sister Garnet has been getting to my head lately. She seems ready to attack at any moment. The month's been passing too slowly for me and the thought of having to spend all four years of High School in the same teaching class with this woman really made me want to cry. If I had went to public school, I could've only had to deal with someone like Sister Garnet for just one year, but we had to show our faith to the good Lord above and go here instead. Normally I wouldn't have any complaints, but come to think about it, here's one. Do not stick me with teachers that look like they are ready to pull switchblades out on you! It's not good for my health, it's not going to help my study ethic, but what it will do is drive me one step closer to wanting to kill myself. Actually that might not be a wise move either. When Sister Garnet was asked about the suicide in Romeo and Juliet, she said that it was because both of them were, and I quote what she said directly, "cowardly little bastards who couldn't handle the fuckups in life and decided to make their parents grieve over them because they could!!!" Something tells me I've found the source of Sister Garnet's anger.
I'll confront her about it after Club Day. Maybe me and her could come to an understanding of sorts. I'll tell you later diary. It's just something that I'd never thought I'd bring up again. For now, though-
Edward,
I see you have already angered Sister Garnet. But if you're going to confront her about her obsession against suicide, that would be a very dangerous move. I'm warning you about this for your own safety. As a close friend of Sister Garnet's, I will not break her trust in me and tell you what happened. What I will tell you, however, is that it is very tragic. Yes, she's taking it rather weirdly, turning into the cynical person that she is, but I can at least say that I understand her feelings. Brother Paul and I are doing whatever we can to help her. You ought to mind your own business and just focus on your schoolwork.
Speaking of schoolwork, since I'm writing in this already, I might as well tell you that you'll want to study up on the story of Elijah. We're gonna be getting ready to cover him and then there will be a test. Normally I wouldn't tell you this, but it seems you have a favoritism towards me in this little diary of yours, so I'll grace you with a little extra help. After all, I'm a nice guy... usually. I would like to think I am, anyway, and the spirit of the Lord is within you, so that really solidifies it.
Also, as for your entry regaring your thoughts on September 15th, relax. Homosexuality may be a sin, but it is an unavoidable one for those that find themselves in that orientation. I am sure God has a good place for those who are unable to convert into heterosexuality. I'm more worried about the bisexuals and pansexuals that choose to be homosexual though. The world needs more people to follow God. Otherwise heretics may take over and we'll find ourselves in a world without God. I don't think I need to tell you how apocalyptic that'll be like.
Still, it's good that you're straight yourself. Good luck with Naomi. She's a nice girl, so be good to her. Hurt her and God will most likely punish you very severely.
Brother Hector.
Day 8
September 19, 2008
Friday
Friday. I didn't get a chance to document a Friday before. It's always such a busy day. Everyone's looking forward to the weekend. Everyone always looks forward to the weekend. No school on Saturday and only a Bible Studies class with church on Sunday. Nobody has any qualms about that if it's for God, after all. No one should come to such a school if they want both days of the weekend off. At least, that's how I see it. Jason also sees it the same way. I questioned him about it. I questioned him about a lot of things. But it's like he was just a walking Bible. When I asked him about the whole homosexuality issue, he quoted Leviticus. I still don't understand why that's begun to bother me ever since Dad mentioned it. I guess I should just let it go sooner than later, but until then, I want answers. Maybe my inquisitive nature is going to get me into trouble one day, but until that happens, I'll just not worry about it.
Club Day is next Monday. I had agreed to join the choir, of course, but my mind kept wandering to what other kind of clubs there would be. Sports clubs, artistic clubs, literature clubs... I heard that Saint Peter and Paul's had a wide variety to choose from and, for some reason, it felt like I was being forced to join the choir. I did mention this to Jason, though, and he said I shouldn't feel forced. After all, it's not like he was putting a knife to my throat and saying I should only join the choir. That'd be heresay, after all. Something about the way he said that actually kinda creeped me out. Naomi even agreed with me. I guess we both were thinking about the same thing. The humerous tone he had saying that... there was a trace of seriousness in it, as if to say that he was offended I would even suggest he was forcing me to join the choir. It was just a speculation after all, it wasn't anything to worry about. Besides, this Monday it would be official, so he ought to be happy about that.
Day 9
September 22, 2008
Monday
I won't be documenting in you until our first choir practice. I want to be able to keep the memory fresh in my mind. However, I do have a concern I want to mention today. Jason... again. Jason seemed to pull a whole 180 when I signed up for the choir. He wasn't happy, like I expected him to be. Rather, he asked me if I felt like he was trying to push me into it. Naomi gave him some hassle over it and he acted like he normally does with her. I don't understand what his problem is. I think I should appologize, though, for I obviously struck a nerve without realizing it. Perhaps later, at choir practice, as he wouldn't come near me after that. I've gone through this whole day without seeing him once. After classes, he's just kind of drifted away from me. He'd hang around with Naomi, but leave if I came up to speak to her. She thinks he's being a childish, immature jerk.
Either way, I'm now an official member of the choir. It wouldn't do good for him to be angry at me if we're to have fun with this. Practices are every Wednesday after school. Seems like a fair time as there's usually nothing holding me back from anything on Wednesday. I can only hope that I'll be able to enjoy this alongside both my friends. Otherwise it'll all have been for nothing. Maybe I'll be able to make some new friends as well. Including Jason, Naomi, and myself of course, the choir has a good 50 members. I'll be able to find out how some of them are later, but I doubt I'll ever truely get to find out about all of them. Then again, certainly one thing is common in all of us. The love of God we have to share. This Wednesday, I'm sure that flickering light will show itsself in us all.
Day 10
September 24, 2008
Wednesday
I asked Jason to forgive me yesterday. It took him a while, longer then I would've hoped, but we're mostly friends again. Naomi seemed to have some influence on his decision however. I don't understand why he took it so personally and I asked him why, but he said it wasn't any of my business. I'd like to have told him something, but in the end, I guess it really isn't my business. What I do wonder, however, is why he was so keen to mention that his father and mother were divorced. That wasn't the business of any of us. It was between his parents, maybe him and his sister too, but me and Naomi were let in on it thanks to him. What right did he have to tell us that? I just... want to know to know. I want to know where he gets off being a hypocrit.
We had our first choir practice today. Salve Regina... It was rather heavenly, but hard to sing in the first place. Latin... of all songs he could've chosen and he decided to pull out a song that's usually sing in the old Latin of all things. A dead language... yet I'm expected to be able to speak it. I've never even learned it. I don't know a lot of what all of this means. Thankfully Jason has agreed to help me learn so that I'll be ready. Apparantly a lot of the songs the choir sings is in Latin, not just this one, so if I'm not ready, I'll be a step behind everybody, not just him. To be deathly honest, that would explain why no one else complained when he decided to choose Salve Regina, Oh Holy Mary, as our first song. In fact, they sang along greatly. I was the only one struggling. I guess there's still so much I need to know. Jason explained that priests and bishops sometimes preached in Latin, which is why it was an important language to learn. It was our holy duty. I heard a lot about holy duty, but I never knew that learning Latin was also part of that duty. How foolish of me.
The end of the month is getting closer and closer. We have off on the 4th of October only because of it being a Saturday. I might write on that day as well, even though I only wanted to write on school days. Well... I can't complain. Beggers can't be choosers and I want to document as many holidays as I can as well, so I'll be sure to do that. And that day... will be a very holy day. Hell, I hear that Mass will be held on that day instead of the usual Sunday. I guess it makes sense. We'll get there when we get there though, diary. No need to mention it so quickly.
Day 11
September 26, 2008
Friday
Diary, Jason's been teaching me a good amount of Latin. I think I'll be able to sing Salve Regina well when we have our first choir meetings. Apparantly we're going to be singing for October 4th. Salve Regina will be the big finale, but thankfully we'll be singing mostly English Gospel. I am extremely thankful for that; I don't know what we'd do if we had to sing in Latin the entirety of the Mass. However, I understand that we'll be singing for every Sunday church meeting after that, so we have to go to church even earlier then the usual worshippers. Seems like it'll be harsh, but I can live with the idea of sacrificing more of my time. I'm more worried about Naomi. She's not a morning person. Brother Kelly learned this the hard way when Naomi asked him if he was going to keep jerking her leg or teach her some actual mathematics. He made a bit of a witty comment, I must shamefully admit, but her reaction was to viciously strike hard at his image and remind him he looked like a girl. I thought for sure she'd be expelled then. Thankfully, he took the insult in stride. Apparantly he liked his long hair; it made him feel better. Naomi wasn't pleased by the lack of a negative reception, but I was personally thankful of it.
I wish I could get that kind of treatment from Sister Garnet. She pretty much asked me if I had looked up Naomi's skirt again. When I told her I hadn't, she let me know she thought it was a good thing because if I had, she would've chopped my manhood off. Honestly, why do they always threaten the balls? I know it's a man's weak point, but why not go to the eyes or the heart? For us, it's always the fucking dick. It makes me want to scream. Luckily I was able to control myself and just let her know I'd be sure not to go looking up a girl's skirt anytime soon. She called me a good boy, trying to insult me I'm sure, and then let me be. Yeesh, talk about hellish. Anyway, Diary, the end of the month is upon us. Next choir practice is the 1st of October. I'll be sure to update on you then.
Day 12
October 1, 2008
Wednesday
We didn't practice today. Rather, Jason didn't show up. I wouldn't know why if Brother Paul hadn't explained it to us himself. Someone else had to lead the choir because Jason was dropping out of the choir. Why was that, I had asked him? I soon regretted it. Apparantly Jason's father got a phone call from his mother. They apparantly kept in touch due to their children, but it usually wasn't on good terms, just to speak to the other child. However, in this case, it was about Jason's little sister. She had been murdered just Sunday, while we were at Mass and doing Bible Studies. I found it odd that on that day, we had studied the 10 Commandments. One of them had been "Thou Shalt Not Murder." Brother Hector was still going all around the place and, as unprofessional as it may seem, it gave us a lot of knowledge on many different things at once, which was really helpful.
A bullet to the head. As an only child, I couldn't even begin to fathom the pain Jason must've been going through. We had things going so well and it was all suddenly ripped apart along with what I must assume was Jason's heart. His sister was found dead, a bullet in her skull, and he's allowed to take a week off to attend the funeral. He'll be back next Wednesday. I hope he'll be ok by then. Who am I kidding though? I should pray he'll be ok at all. Losing someone you love... I couldn't even imagine what pain that entails. The only time I've faced death with my eyes is when my pet cat, Sasha, was accidentally run over in the streets. I had been distraught that day, begging God to bring her back. My parents, however, explained to me that death was permanent. I was eight-years-old back then, a foolish child. But I've grown since then. I know that death is an irreversable condition. God takes the souls he so willingly gave us back into his arms. We belong to him, so he has all rights to take us back when he feels like it. Cases where people ought not to have survived, yet did, are cases in which God decided he did not need them back at that moment.
My parents had told me I ought to have been happy that Sasha was going back to God. When I was a child, I had blindly gone along with it. But looking at death now, I've always asked myself this question. If God is taking his souls back, and those souls are going to Heaven, then why do we mourn? Why do we feel despair, sadness, and a want to join them? Is it because we are jealous that they've gone on to Heaven ahead of us, leaving us here to suffer life's torments? Or is it because, in the end, we just want to live life with them, because we love them so much that we always want them with us? Either way seems rather selfish; they have a right to be with God. But at the same time... Jason never got a chance to know who his little sister was except for the calls he had with her on the phone. He was gonna meet her one day and now... the day he meets her, she'll be laying in a coffin, unable to hug Jason or tell him how much she loves him.
What kind of mercy is that? What kind of love is that? Why didn't God let her live? I may be no one to judge his will, but even then the only question I can really ask is why.
Why did you choose to let this happen to Jason, God? Why?
Day 13
October 6, 2008
Monday
It's been nearly a week since we heard that Jason's sister died. He's supposed to come back in two days. To be honest, though, I could hardly blame him if he chose to never come back at all. I think I understand why he was so angry before. He was forced to give up his mother and sister before he could get to know them, so he must hate it when people thinks they're being forced by his hand when all he wants to do is mutually enjoy life with them. It must be frustrating to try and have your friends, only to have things backfire due to their own mentality working against you. But this just made me think of that. Jason mentioned the divorce, then got upset when I speculated that it felt like I was being forced to join the choir, even though I was obviously joining due to my own free will. It seems to be the only logical explanation, but this time I'm smarter about trying to speak my mind. Jason's reaction from me talking to him along with Brother Hector's warning about talking to Sister Garnet have stuck in my mind. This Sunday, at Mass, we all prayed for Jason's sister, that her soul may find its way back to our Father's arms.
Brother Paul decided to put Naomi in charge of the choir. She had experience back then as well and thus made a good fit for it. I was relieved to see that Naomi willingly took the role; I'd hate to have joined the choir just to see it fall, making my efforts all for naught. After all, there were plenty of other clubs I was interested in, but unfortunately I had already set my sight for the club my friends were joining, thus I couldn't have been bothered to join the other clubs. It wasn't anything personal to the other students; it's just the way I am. I've always been that way, ever since Middle School. I tried joining another club once. Not only did my friends decide I was no longer their friend, but I discovered that I hated the other atmosphere. It just didn't suit me. Nothing other then the company of the friends I already made suited me, and since I had lost them then, I hope not to lose them now.
I'm sure Naomi will do a good job running the choir. I just know she will. I can't explain how I know; just call it God telling me if you must.
Day 14
October 8, 2008
Wednesday
Jason didn't come back to school today. It's a shame as I was hoping to talk to him, but I guess it's for the best. An inquistive soul such as myself would've only hurt him. Now Brother Kelly sees me writing and he's coming here. Great, more unneeded extras in my
Unneeded extras? That's a bit rude, don't you think?
I guess this is your diary though, so I probably have no business adding my two-cents to it. However, if you would focus on your mathematics as much as you focus on your worries and thoughts, you might actually pass the class. Sadly, that doesn't seem to be the case at the moment, so I'm just going to take a moment of the time that you're now working to explain something to you, since I'm writing this down anyway and nobody can hear me.
Jason is going through a pain that you cannot understand unless you have lost someone close to you first-hand. It is a pain that cuts deep into the heart, blinding you to reason and logic at times. Jason really ought to be in school, but I don't hold any anger against him for being away. As his teacher, I am dutifully required to understand his pain. However, I understand it not as his teacher, but rather as a person. I have lost my own family before as well. But when someone loses their family to illness, who can you blame?
Jason will most likely go through hatred, wanting the person who killed his sister dead. He has that luxery, though it may not seem like a luxery. I spent a good portion of my childhood blaming God for my misfortune. I thought He had it in for me, wanting to make me suffer for some unknown sin I had committed. I was foolish back then; many can argue I am still foolish today, but at least I have come to understand that it is not the fault of anyone or anything that my family died.
Their time had come. It had been my time to learn to survive on my own. No one can live forever after all. The Creator decides when we ought to return to him, after all, and it is His right to make that decision. No one can tell Him otherwise, after all, and those that try to are rather... brash. Bold would be more of a compliment.
You were also curious about Sister Garnet, am I correct? She too knows the pain of death. I'm certain you'll notice that she did not laugh at Jason's misfortune. Brother Hector is a kind man, but I think someone ought to confront the poor girl about her ludicrous behavior. You and I should do just that. Tomorrow, I will ask you to accompany me to Sister Garnet's house. The truth will come out there and perhaps we can stop her from being such a bitch, blunt as it may be to say such a thing. Sister Margeret will need some help as well, but I guess she's mellowed down in your eyes as you hardly right about her.
Actually, Sister Margeret is quite the shocker. See, she used to be a Pagan.
Oh, there was the bell. We'll talk more about Sister Margeret later.
Brother Kelly.
Day 15
October 10, 2008
Friday
I was not allowed to bring my diary yesterday due to the intervention Brother Kelly and I had regarding Sister Garnet. We ended up going to her house after school. Sister Garnet and Brother Kelly sat down to talk about things. Brother Kelly tried to convince Sister Garnet that she needed to stop acting the way she did in school because it wasn't kind, it wasn't the way God intended her to act. Naturally, Sister Garnet had told him he could not judge what God wanted of her. I, meanwhile, had stirred on what Brother Kelly had written in my diary when he had said that Sister Garnet knew the pain of death. Eventually I had come out with it, realizing what it was, and asked Sister Garnet if someone close to her had committed suicide. By her hasty response and anger in telling me that it was none of my business, I realized that that was what pained her so much. Brother Kelly urged her on and she got it all out in one sitting.
She didn't like being cynical, apparantly, but she also didn't want to get close to anyone else. Her own sister had committed suicide. Sister Garnet blames her sister's lack of faith in our Lord and Savior, but when Brother Kelly asked the more exact reason for it, Sister Garnet just said that her sister killed herself over depression. A simple negative emotion such as depression can make someone want to die, after all. I knew that from firsthand experience myself, but what teenager didn't? However, Sister Garnet's sister decided to press on into the dark abyss and chose to actually take her own life, thus turning Sister Garnet into a spiteful woman who did not want to befriend anyone else.
I asked her about why she was happy the day Sister Margeret had been extremely upset. She revealed to me that Sister Margeret and herself used to be great friends until Sister Garnet became zealous in her faith as a Catholic, condemning Sister Margeret's faith. Naturally the two split apart, but eventually Sister Margeret had converted to Catholicism. Sister Garnet had thought they'd become close again, but it turned out that the man Sister Margeret had become married to was an enemy to Sister Garnet, thus the two were still at odds. However, Sister Garnet had been happy that day because it was the day Sister Margeret and her husband got a divorce. It seemed too perfect for the crazy English teacher; her best friend loses the husband she hates and yet stays the same faith that she had chosen... her former best friend anyway.
I think it was at this point that Sister Garnet realized the foolishness in her judgements and actions. Her eyes had just widened and her body shook. Brother Kelly said it was time for us to leave and took me home. The lie to my parents was that we had been doing some math tutoring. To my shock, my mother and father, who were usually expert at detecting lies, believed him completely. I didn't know if it was because he was a teacher and they were more likely to trust him or if he had actually lied in some way that had made them believe he was telling the truth. I actually asked him today about it. To my shock, he gave me a solid answer. He told me that, when lying, you had to be able to speak as if you had lived the lie, or were living it in the case of trying to fake sick from school. You had to have the right tone, the right emotions, the right look, the right movements, and more. It was an artform, so if you weren't talented in it, it'd be harder to do. However, and Brother Kelly stressed this the most, only lie if you have to. Brother Kelly wanted to protect Sister Garnet's secret, either that or not make her seem like a creepy couger of sorts, and thus felt he had to lie. I understood his motive truely enough that I figured that even He would let him off the hook.
Jason still hadn't returned. I hope he didn't end up like Sister Garnet's sister. I'm truely worried, diary. I hope everything will be ok.
Day 16
October 13, 2008
Monday
Today was the second Monday of October, henceforth it was Columbus Day, the day we celebrate the founding of our country by Christopher Columbus himself. Oh, but then again, there were Native Americans here before us, but we drove them off as if they were nothing more then swine. All of my bloodline runs back to Europe myself, unfortunately, but Naomi's told me that she doesn't celebrate Columbus Day because she has some Native American blood in her. The only thing that keeps me from believing her wholely is that she is unable to tell me from tribe she has blood from. There were many different tribes, after all, and not knowing your own heritage is pretty sad. As for me, I'm part French, German, and Irish. Supposedly I might have Sweedish, British, and Dutch in me as well, but we never got that far. I doubt the British part would be true anyway, what we me having French AND Irish blood; if blood doesn't dictate that I have unnatural racism towards the English, then I'll be highly lucky indeed.
Of course, as if fate was laughing in my face, this would also be the day that Jason returned. We talked a lot. He had plenty of questions to ask God, but he knew that none of them could be answered wholely. All he could do was accept that there was nothing he could do about it. His sister was dead. Nothing could change that; no amount of praying, crying, or sulking could bring her back to life. It was time to move on. I didn't know what to say to that. It had been a while, though, so maybe he got it all off his chest. Plus it's much better to just let it all go and move on then dwell on the past. I think it's a good thing he managed to move on and didn't just stay in depression, but the way he said he moved on just made it seem to me like he didn't care for a moment there. Either way, he offered me luck with Naomi and the choir and then went about his business. I wondered what was going on with him. He didn't seem like his usual self.
Speaking of people not being their usual selves, Sister Garnet's changed a lot too. Brother Hector was displeased, on one hand, to see that I had not heeded his advice about her. His displeasure was rather short-lived, however, as he had taken Brother Kelly and myself to a nice place to celebrate Sister Garnet's change. She's not a cynical witch anymore. She's stopped threatening student's lives and is actually starting to smile a bit more in class. That being said, she still doesn't act as nice as Brother Hector, but all improvements help. Three cheers for helping someone get closer to the light. Now all I have to do is find out about Sister Margeret. Brother Kelly had told me about Sister Margeret's previous life as a Pagan. Apparantly it ran in the family, but she had a change of heart one day after losing Sister Garnet and began to follow the path of God. Quite a story to hear, even in my opinion; it is always good to hear that the enemy can be conquered in the name of our heavenly Father.
Now the question is... can Jason conquer his demons?
Day 17
October 16, 2008
Thursday
Dear Edward
I bet you're wondering what happened to your diary as I'm writing this. It must be funny to imagine the look on your face. Just be glad I'm not a thief when I return this to you tomorrow. You better read every word I'm writing because these last three days have been weird, which is why I decided to take your diary in the first place. I see you were too shocked by the news Wednesday to write in it that day. As for Tuesday, you must've been bored or something. However, I have some gaps to fill in and I think you'll be shocked about what I have to say, so here it goes. Please don't hate me if your view on Jason is skewed forever.
I will admit that, for your thoughts on Tuesday, not much did happen at school. Jason was his normal self to a certain degree. He didn't seem happy like he used to, but I just blamed that on the loss of his sister. Any normal person would be sad by that. I know he said he moved on, but he's still young like the rest of us. He's obviously hurting more then he wants to believe. So we talked a little, right? Well after I got home, Jason called me. That's where things got a little eerie. Our conversation started off normal enough, but about halfway in, he began to speak of blemishes in the school, imperfect stains that were making it look bad. He was saying that some people just didn't seem to fit in and that God ought to do away with them. He really scared me, Edward, and I told him that. He told me not to worry; he said I fit in. That just made me even more scared, so I told him I had to hang up and did so.
Then Wednesday came, of course, and we found out that poor Sister Margeret was dead. Jason was as torn apart as the rest of us, but Brother Paul mentioned at the funeral that Sister Margeret had been a Pagan in her life before she converted to Catholicism. I guess Brother Kelly and Sister Garnet helped you learn about this, but it brings back to mind what Jason said about "some people" who "just didn't seem to fit in." A Pagan wouldn't fit in a Catholic school after all, right? Could this mean something bad is happening? Did Jason do something wicked? Sure, he acted like he was sad at the funeral, but something tells me he knew about this.
Finally, Jason and I talked today. He said that the loss of Sister Margeret was regrettable, but to think that she had been a Pagan all this time was just shocking. He said that all human life must be treasured and mourned, but now the school could have someone purer teaching there. There's no evidence to prove that it was him; you and I both saw that Sister Margeret seemed to just die of a heart attack and the school won't let anyone perform an autopsy on her due to "spiritual tradition," so there's no way to tell if she was poisoned or not once the body is burned. We're kinda screwed right now, Edward. Jason could come after us next and we wouldn't have anyway of knowing it. At this point, I find his name ironic. Jason is the name of the killer in the Friday the 13th series after all. I wonder if his parents knew just how he'd turn out with a name like that.
I also have bad news for your front that makes me worried as well. You know that mental discussion you had with yourself concerning homosexuality? Also know how you have a crush on me? Well I'm sorry Edward, but I unfortunately don't pitch for your team. I'm a lesbian, to put it bluntly, and I'm not interested in guys sexually speaking. I know this means that I'm technically an abomination against God, I deserve to go to Hell, yada yada blah blah blah. If I knew how to be attracted to guys, I would've chosen to be the minute my mother told me to die in a fire. But I can't switch it, Ed, so I'm sorry, but I can't return your feelings.
I hope you won't be angry at me. But I don't blame you if you are. Just please, for your sake more then mine, be wary of Jason.
Naomi.
