Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

[DM: Dersite Merchant]

Yep, I'm actually working on this one first. This is part of a long project I'm working on involving novelizing the Paper Mario games, and possibly others. I figured I'd post it here first.

Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door
A fan novelization of the Game Cube game

Intro: Peach and the Mysterious Map

An awfully long time ago in a strange and far-off land, a big, bustling town thrived. It was a town where all people lived very happy lives, and it was said that the town was very prosperous. But one day... tragedy befell this blessed place. A great cataclysm struck the town and its people. Darkness filled the skies, and the earth roared and shook; it was as if the very world had come to a violent end. And in but a single night... the town sank into the depths of the earth...

Many moons rose and set... Stories of the town passed into the pages of fairy tales... And when the town's site no longer held relics of its past, people gathered at that spot and built a new town. But word soon spread among the people who moved in that an ancient city lay deep underground and that a magnificent treasure rested there. Indeed, this is the tale of the fabled treasure of Rogueport. The tale of the quest for the legendary treasure and the Thousand-Year Door starts in this seedy sea side town...

This seedy sea side town happened to be where the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom and her steward stopped on their summer cruise when their ship ran low on fuel. Toadsworth managed to book the two of them into the local inn where they'd stay while the crew refueled the ship and prepared her for the trip back home. Curious of the old seaport, Peach wanted to explore. But Toadsworth, not trusting the locals any more than he could throw them, kept her by his side at all times.

However, the princess did eventually find an opening to escape when her steward wound up in a lengthy discussion with the barkeeper below the inn. And with Toadsworth distracted, Peach finally slipped out into the main square of Rogueport.

"Finally! I have a minute without Toadsworth watching over me! He's so paranoid!" she thought aloud to herself, once out in the cobble streets of the plaza. "Once in a while, I'd like the chance to look around on my own and see what I want." She stared around at the shoddy brick buildings and shady-looking filthy characters that wandered amongst them, and she tried not to wrinkle her nose in disgust as she mused, "But... now that I'm doing it, all I see as that this town has a very... umm... distinct flavor..." she finished, trying to be as tactful as possible. The princess continued to stare around wondering what she should do next when she heard an elderly woman's voice call out.

"Oh, Missy... Missy..."

Peach turned around in surprise. "Do you mean... me?!?" she asked, a startled tone betraying her. She seemed to be the only 'Missy' around, but she couldn't be sure.

"Yes, you, Missy!" The speaker was an old cloaked merchant who was tending to a display of various objects spread out across a green rug. "Won't you buy something? I have a wide assortment of knickknacks and doodads."

"Oh! Well..." Peach slowly approached the display and carefully looked over the merchant's wares. She supposed a souvenir would be nice to take home from this place, but nothing she had really spoke to her. That's when her eyes fell on one box. It was red with gold lining, and it had the lovely appearance of a jewelry box; maybe she could store her jewels in it back home. "Well, that's a pretty box!" she said, pointing it out. As the merchant picked it up, she wondered aloud, "What's inside it?"

As the merchant held the box up, she told the princess, "It is said that this box holds a map that shows where a legendary treasure sleeps... But the box has a magic lock on it that will only open for a pure and noble heart." She tugged at the lid, but it remained sealed. "As you can see, it won't so much as budge if one such as myself touches it..."

Peach had to admit, the merchant's story was very intriguing. Although something seemed rather odd about the whole deal, it only made her interest in the box grow.

"I know. If the box will open for you, Missy, then you may have whatever is inside. I am sure that whatever is in there would be of no use to someone like me," said the merchant as she held the box out for her. "So, Missy... Take this box in your hands and see what happens..."

Despite the sinking suspicion in the back of her mind, the princess's curiosity got the better of her as she took hold of the box. "Um... All right..." she said hesitantly as she looked it over. "What's the harm?"

And as she placed her hand on the lid, she felt a warm sensation as the box reacted positively to her touch. She then began to tilt the lid open...

---

Prologue: A Rogue's Welcome

In a quiet clearing in the woods not far from Toad Town, two brothers lived in a small cottage home with the sign 'MARIO BROS. PLUMBING' above the front door. As Luigi, the usually green-clad younger brother, poured his morning coffee, he peered over at the calendar. "When is the princess supposed to be back from her cruise?" he called into his and his brother's bedroom.

"Should be any day now," his usually red-clad older brother called back.

Taking his mug to the refrigerator, Luigi pulled out a carton of cream and added some to his cup. He had just stirred his brew and was taking a sip when he heard a voice outside yell, "Mail call!"

His coffee could wait a minute or so, he figured. Setting his mug down on the table, he stepped outside in time to spot Parakarry--a former Koopa Troop Paratroopa turned ally and postman--gliding back towards town. Luigi reached into their mailbox and pulled out letters the parakoopa left, and then he strolled right back into the house and back to his coffee.

Now, let's see... he thought as he took another sip and began perusing through the envelopes. Fan letter for Mario... magazine subscription notice... electric bill... another annoying threat letter for Mario from that Jr. Troopa kid... gas bill...

Just as his big brother Mario dragged himself into the kitchen strapping his overalls on, Luigi came across an envelope that raised some interest... it had the royal Toadstool seal on it. He looked around at Mario as he prepared his own coffee and waved the envelope in the air. "Hey, Bro, check it out. A letter from Princess Peach arrived for you."

"Hmm?" Mario took a swig of coffee before taking the letter from Luigi. "Hope her cruise hasn't run into any trouble," he mused as he slit the envelope open with a kitchen knife. Pulling Peach's usual stationary from inside, he set the envelope down on the table and began to read...

Hello there, Mario!

I am now on holiday, traveling in the Mushroom Kingdom. In my travels, I came into possession of a mystical map... a treasure map, actually. It was inside a box I got from an old merchant in a town called Rogueport. But since it would be too difficult for me to try to go and find the treasure all by myself, I thought you could help me hunt for it! You will, of course, won't you?

I've included the map with this letter, so please bring it with you when you come. I'll meet you at Rogueport. (That means you MUST come!)

Peach

Mario had to give her one thing: she sure was a stubborn young lady. At the very least, he was glad she didn't just try looking for this 'treasure' herself. As Mario finished reading the letter, Luigi fished a browned parchment from the envelope. "What do you know? it's true!" he said as he held the parchment up. "There's a weathered old map in here with the letter. Check it out!"

It was definitely a map, Mario concluded as he examined it, but not like any map he'd ever seen. In all honesty, it looked like an old broad landscape drawn from bird's eye view. However, it did have some of the usual features of a map including legend and compass. In the center of the map sat the image of a seaport with the sea and an island below. To the right of the seaport was a fancy looking town and a humbler village above that. To the west of the village was a large cottonwood forest while a snowy region rested in the northwest corner of the map. Below that was a gloomy looking woods.

Luigi asked as Mario lowered the map, "So, how soon do you plan on leaving?"

With a yawn, Mario replied, "Once I'm more awake at least..."

---

Late that afternoon, Mario was able to rent the services of a young man from the currently expanding Goomba Village (at least now, they could actually call themselves one) with a small steamboat. The boat's captain seemed rather wary when Mario told him his destination, but he agreed to transport him there nonetheless. Before leaving, Mario assured Luigi that he'd contact him should he ever need his help. He was carrying with him a prototype portable e-mail tool--the Mailbox SP--which Professor Elvin Gadd had requested he test out.

Mario rode the steamboat over the night and over the course of the next day with occasional stops for food and fuel. The boat hit a heavy storm later that day that lasted into the night, but the plumber managed to find some sleep.

The next thing Mario knew, he was being slowly prodded awake. "Excuse me... Sir?" Mario half-consciously brushed away the intrusion, but the captain persisted. "Please wake up, Sir! The town you'd been speaking of has come into view. Look! That's Rogueport!"

Mario groggily opened his eyelids as bright sunlight pierced them. And sure enough, a ratty looking seaport town lied just ahead of the boat. "You see? We'll arrive shortly," said the goomba captain. "Please prepare to disembark."

With a yawn and a stretch, Mario pulled himself out of his cot and stared out the window at the sea around him. By the position of the sun, it appeared to be rather late in the morning, going on noon. Mario straightened out his clothes and slipped on his shoes before grabbing the dark red duffel bag he left in the corner of the cabin. Within minutes, the steamboat pulled up to the docks of the town but kept its engine running.

The captain came to see Mario off as he stepped out of the boat. "I must apologize, sir. Our arrival was delayed just a bit by rough weather..." Mario turned and met the captain's concerned gaze. "Are you quite sure you want to disembark here?" he asked. "I... did tell you all the sordid tales about Rogueport on our way here, did I not?"

As a matter of fact, he did. And if this place was as bad as his stories made it out to be, it had to be one of the most corrupt and crime-ridden towns in the kingdom. But that was all the more reason to come and find Peach as soon as possible. "I appreciate your concern, captain," he kindly replied, "but there's a princess waiting for me here, and I don't want to keep her hanging in a place like this."

The captain raised his eyebrows at the plumber's odd claim. "Is that so? Er... Of course, sir," he awkwardly replied. "Well, if that's what you think, then I won't stop you." He drew back into the cabin with his foot to the door, clearly eager to get far away as soon as possible. "Buh, uh... You be careful, sir," he said nervously. "Don't say I didn't warn you!"

With that, the captain shut the door and quickly turned his boat around. It chugged back out into the open sea, leaving Mario where he was. Now alone, Mario took the time to observe the locals. It was a mixed community including mushroom people, goombas, bob-ombs, and more. None were particularly pleasant to talk to.

"What do you want, pal?" shot a dirty mushroom boy when he tried asking about Peach. "Huh? A princess in a pink dress? I ain't seen nothing like that, no. I'd remember a princess, probably. Why do you want this chick, anyway, pal?" he teased. "Owe her money? Or is she yer girlfriend?"

Mario opened his mouth to retort when a distressed cry hit his ears. "Hey! What do you want?!? Get away from me, freak!!!"

Turning his gaze to the stairway up to the square, he saw a blonde-haired goomba girl in explorer clothes being cornered by a horned, bulky thug in wearing a purple bandana and black, X-marked shirt. Two small minions in red, X-marked shirts stood behind him.

"Oh, come off it, you airhead. I know it's tough for you, but don't play dumb with me!" the thug jeered. "I've seen you walking around town asking for information about the Crystal Stars. Well, now I'm doing the asking, so be a good girl and tell us what you know! Right. Now!"

He pointed a finger aggressively at her, but she drew back in disgust. "Never! I don't have anything to say to you creeps! Eww!" she spat. The goomba girl tried to slip away, but the thug and his minions had her surrounded.

The thug leaned over her menacingly. "I suppose it wouldn't be right if a sassy little lass like you met with an untimely demise... Buh! Buh! Buh huh huh!" He let off an irritating laugh before addressing his minions. "Boys, we're taking this firebrand to our fortress!"

The two minions saluted as one replied professionally, "As you command, Lord Crump! We're on it!"

"N-No!" The goomba girl drew back frightened, but found she could back away no more. "Stop right there, you weirdos!" she squealed as the minions advanced on her. "I'll scream! Really!"

Mario had seen enough. "Hey, why don't you pick on someone your own size?" he proclaimed as he charged into the scene, making the two minions scatter and hide behind their Lord Crump. This gave the goomba girl the opening she needed, and she quickly slipped behind Mario's back.

The goomba girl seemed a bit more confident with backup on her side. "Like I'd go anywhere with smelly lunatics like you!" she snorted. "Hmph! Not likely!"

"Whuh?" Needless to say, Crump was not pleased by Mario's intervention. "What do you think you're doing, chump? You think you can screw up my plans?!?"

Mario stared oddly between Crump and the goomba. "What plans? Picking on goomba girls?" he quipped.

Crump smacked his face. "Gah! It's always something..." he grumbled. "Looks like I'm going to have to give you a little taste of the old Crump-A-Bomb!"

Upon that declaration, Crump charged at Mario and leapt into the air to cannonball him; he dodged with barely a split second to spare. As Crump got up to attack again, Mario jumped into the air himself and dropkicked the thug a few times. On the attempted last kick, Crump was able to knock him to the ground, and this time he was able to successfully ground pound the plumber. But just as he was about to finish him off, the wooden mallet that originally belonged to Goombario's Goompa swung through the air and met his face. Crump stumbled and fell backwards; the fight was over. Mario sighed as he dragged himself to his feet and stowed the hammer away in his tool loop.

Crump pulled himself up with a chuckle. "Buh! Buh! Buh huh huh! OK, so you got a couple of decent shots in, I'll give you that," he snorted. "But... unfortunately for you, that means... IT'S GO TIME!"

Mario blanched when an entire army of identical minions appeared on cue. He couldn't possibly fight this many enemies at once!

As Crump ordered, "PUNISH HIM!" all of the minions jumped him at once and what followed was utter chaos. In the midst of the confusion, the goomba girl quickly slipped out of the free-for-all and called back for Mario, "Quick! This way!" The man and goomba were able to sneak away from the fight and made it into the main square before anyone realized they were gone.

The army continued unwittingly fighting each other until Crump yelled "STOPPP!!!" Within seconds, the fighting came to a halt. And when the dust cleared, the goomba girl and her rescuer were nowhere to be seen.

Crump looked wildly around; they couldn't have just vanished! "Where'd they go?!? Huh?" he demanded. He singled one minion out. "You! Johnson! Did you see them?" The minion identified as Johnson merely shrugged and shook his head. "Did anyone?" The minions mumbled awkwardly amongst each other; none of them had seen the two escape. Crump couldn't believe they'd lost the portly punk and little brat so easily! "...Crud! They bolted!"

---

Not far from where they left their pursuers bewildered, Mario and the goomba stopped to catch their breaths. The goomba smiled up at him. "Wow, Mister! You... totally saved me! Thanks! I have just got to give you a little reward!" she said. That said, she leaned up and gave the startled Mario a peck on the check. As he tried not to appear too awkward, she told him, "My name's Goombella. I'm a student at the University of Goom. Nice to meet ya! So, uh... Who are you?" she asked.

"My name's Mario," he introduced himself. "I'm a plumber at Toad Town."

Goombella's eyes grew as wide as saucers when she heard his name. "...Mario? Wait, you mean, like, that famous guy? Wow! I can't believe I met you here! Cool..." she gaped. Calming down, she said, "Anyway, no offense, but it looks like you just rolled into town yourself, am I right?"

The plumber shrugged admittedly. "Pretty much... I'm supposed to meet someone here, but personally, I don't think this is the best town for her to be, really."

A quick look around the square, and Mario was beginning to understand why his steamboat captain wasn't too keen on this place. Most of the structures appeared to be a strip of crumbling brick buildings in front of the worn cobblestone squares, and each square was separated by a brick wall. Trash littered the streets here and there, and to Mario's shock and disgust, he even caught sight of a few wooden stakes in a corner somewhere topped with what he could've sworn were human skulls. Filthy, suspicious looking types wandered this way and that in the port squares, always keeping an eye over their shoulder, and... sweet fettuccini, was that really a noose built in the center of the main square?

With a nod, Goombella replied, "Me, I already hate it here! There are freaks and weirdos everywhere! It's nasty! I mean, I know the place is Rogueport, so I should have expected it, but sheesh!" she rambled. "I'd never come to a place like this if there weren't some legendary treasure here."

Mario raised his eyebrows on that last note. "Legendary treasure?" he repeated. "Wait a minute... I was supposed to meet up with my friend to look for some treasure here!"

"What?" Goombella stared back at him. "You're looking for the legendary treasure, too? Seriously?"

Mario nodded and pulled the map out of his pocket. "My friend found this here in Rogueport and sent it to me though the mail," he said as he unfolded it.

Seeing it made Goombella very excited, "Omigosh! Is... Isn't that a treasure map?" she cried.

"Yep," Mario said with another nod. "Princess Peach said in her letter that she got it from a box an old merch..."

"...Princess Peach? What?" cried Goombella, too excited to refrain from interrupting.

Before she could question him further, a familiar British accent rang through the air. "Great hoogly-boogly! If it isn't Master Mario!"

"Mr. Toadsworth!" he addressed him back as the princess's steward entered the scene.

"Bit of a coincidence, bumping into one another in this sort of place, hm? Ho ho!" quipped the old mushroom man as he approached the pair. "So tell me, Master Mario, what in the world brings you to this wretched little burg?"

"Peach sent me a letter and a treasure map, and she asked me to come meet her here with it," he explained.

"Intriguing..." said the steward with a look that clearly told Mario he knew nothing of the map.

"Where is she right now?" he asked. "The sooner I meet up with her, the better."

He got a bad taste in his gut when Toadsworth's face fell. "Erm... I was about to ask you that," he replied.

Mario suddenly felt lightheaded, and Goombella saw the color drain from his face. "Y-You l-lost her???" He was barely in Rogueport for several minutes, and he already knew this was the worst place to lose Princess Peach, save for Castle Koopa. He was so focused on Toadsworth that he failed to notice two piantas ganging up on a craw near the inn.

"We stopped in this town to acquire a spot of fuel for our ship, don't you know... I only took my eye off her for a moment, but as soon as I did, she vanished."

Mario waved his arms like crazy, crying out, "You know how headstrong she is! Of course, she would've snuck off to explore!"

Toadsworth sighed. "Indeed, I know.... But I just assumed she'd be back momentarily... But at this point, I fear we must embrace the possibility that she might never return." He paced back and forth going on anxiously, "I've been at a loss to what to do. I've been fraught with worry, I tell you!"

Mario took a deep breath to calm his own nerves and clenched his fists. "I'll find her, Mr. Toadsworth..." he vowed. "Somehow..."

Smiling a little at the plumber's words, Toadsworth replied, "I'm feeling better with you here, Master Mario. Surely you'll find her! Surely!" He went on to say, "I believe I will recline in the inn right over there and enjoy a spot of tea, perhaps. In fact, I highly recommend it, particularly if you find yourself a spot tired," he added. "Just drop on inn! Ho ho!" He cleared his throat after dropping in a little 'humor'. "...Yes, anyway, a little rest there is the perfect way to refresh yourself after a long day's work."

Toadsworth looked around at the denizens of Rogueport and noted, "I must say, though, the rest of this town is a bit... rough. Yes, rough, indeed..." With that, he trotted back to the inn, muttering to himself, "Huff, I say..."

Goombella stared as Toadsworth retreated before returning to interrogating Mario. "Um, Princess Peach? Like, Peach, the Mushroom Kingdom princess?!?" she said. "The princess who always gets nabbed by Bowser, the Koopa king? The one you rescue?" The goomba girl appeared mindblown. "Wait a sec'! This is crazy! Princess... Peach sent you that treasure map?" she cried.

"Whoa. This is really intense," she continued when Mario nodded. Now the Mushroom princess was once again missing, and it would be the great Super Mario's job to rescue her. "Well, where could she have gone, then, do you think?"

Mario thought back on the circumstances and tried to put together some possibilities. "Well... My boat was late thanks to weather conditions, and the princess can be rather headstrong at times," he mused. "It... is possible she grew impatient waiting for me and started off on the treasure hunt alone..." He sighed as he looked the map over. "If only I knew how tell where I'm even supposed to go on this..."

Goombella frowned for a moment, and then she perked up as an idea came to her. "Oooh! Oooh! I know, Mario! Come with me!" she chirped, skipping off. "One of my professors is here researching that treasure. We'll show him your map! If we start looking for the treasure, then maybe we'll catch up to Princess Peach!"

With a shrug, he followed her, stating, "I guess it's the best lead we have..."

But the moment he began following her under an arch to another square, a blue bandit brushed passed him, nearly knocking him over. "Oops! Pardon me sucker!" the culprit laughed as he dashed out of sight.

"Hey! What's your beef, pal?" Goombella shouted after the bandit. "YEAH, I'M TALKING TO YOU!" But the bandit was already gone. She frowned at Mario as he regained his balance and said, "Mario! You gotta wake up! That guy just stole half of your coins!"

"What??" he yelped. He pulled out his money pouch, and sure enough, he was down by half of what he had when he arrived. How did that punk even do it that fast?!? "...I hate this town," he growled as he stuffed his pouch into his lower buttoned pocket.

Goombella rolled her eyes. "Pal, I've been hating it."

---

An elderly goomba with large glasses and curly silver hair poured over his books in his small shack completely lined with them. But his attention darted to the door when two individuals entered through it, one of them addressing him, "Professor Frankly?"

"Whuzzuh??? Who's there? Who wants me?" he demanded. His eyes fell on Goombella as she approached him. "Ah. Yes. You. Now, you, uh... I've seen your face before, Yes, that face..." He furrowed his eyebrows in concentration. "Wait for it... Just a moment..." He shooed off any attempts to speak. "Don't tell me, now! Silence! I'll get it right!" He thought deeply for awhile, juggling names. "Umm... It's not Goombriel... Errr... It's not Elizagoom... A-HAAA! I've got it!!!" He smiled as she said to her, "You're Goombella, aren't you? You were in my archaeology class last year, am I right?"

She grinned and nodded. "Wow, yes, sir! That's me! I'm Goombella, a junior at U Goom! Goooo GOOMBAS!"

Frankly puffed up proudly, boasting, "Of course I remember you. Not to toot my horn, but I'm pretty good at remembering." Smiling upon her, she said, "You, though... You stick out in my mind because you were such an exceptional student." Goombella beamed. "And that guy behind you is..."

Mario smiled as the professor's attention went to him. As well known as he was around the world, he had to have recognized him easily.

"WHO?!?"

Mario fell down incredulously. Seriously??? "Uh, Mario?" he said. "The one who saves the Mushroom Kingdom princess on a semi-regular basis?"

"He's world famous, Professor!" Goombella seemed just as surprised.

Frankly waved his little slip-up off. "Oh! My apologies," he said. "I'm such a bookworm, I haven't a clue about what's 'hip' right now." The famous one side-glanced the goomba girl who shrugged apologetically. "In any case, what sort of errand brings you two all the way to a place like this?"

"We were hoping you'd tell us about the legendary treasure said to be below Rogueport!" Goombella blurted, clearly eager to get onto business. "I thought that if anyone knew anything about it, you would, Professor Frankly..."

"Of course I know about it. The reason I came here was to study that very subject," insisted the old professor. "But why do you tykes want to learn about the legendary treasure?" he asked, looking them over curiously. "You know that most say it's little more than a fairy tale, don't you?"

"Archaeologists and historians have to search for the truth in those fairy tales, though!" his former student reminded him. "Me, I believe the legendary treasure truly does exist! And I really want to find it!"

Frankly couldn't help but smile; she was ever still the clever young girl he recalled from his class. "Good point! And well made!" he said. "In that case, I'll cooperate with you however I can."

He then went into a lecture on everything he knew: "First of all, about the treasure... There are many mysteries surrounding it. Some say it's an infinitely vast treasure hoard, while others say it's a magical item. Some books say it's actually a monster, while still others claim it's an empty chest... So many different theories..." he mused. "Obviously, it's impossible to divine the truth among them... But all agree on one point: to find the treasure, one must have the Crystal Stars!"

"Hang on," Mario piped up, turning to the younger goomba. "When I found you getting jumped by that Crump guy, I remember he was asking you something about Crystal Stars!"

"That's right," she said. She then recited what sounded like an old passage:

"To find the treasure of yore,
Take the seven Crystal Stars to the Thousand-Year Door."

"It's an ancient verse passed down for generations," she explained. "I'd recently heard rumors that one of the seven were somewhere in Rogueport, so I was asking around for possible clues to find it. That's when big ugly ambushed me."

"As the saying goes," Frankly continued on with his lecture, "if you want to find the legendary treasure, you must first collect the seven Crystal Stars."

Goombella then recited another verse:

"Hold the Magical Map aloft before
The entrance to the Thousand-Year Door.
Then the stars will light the way
That leads to the stones of yesterday."

"Yeah... a lot of the lore I've read says that if this Magical Map is taken to the doorway, then it will show you where to find the Crystal Stars!"

"Correct!" the old professor smiled, clearly proud of his former pupil. "And the Thousand-Year Door is supposedly here, deep beneath this town. Yet, the critical piece of the puzzle--the Magical Map--is lost." With a sigh, he mused, "If only we had that map!"

"Oh?" Mario fished a piece of parchment out of his pocket. "You mean... this map?" he asked, unfolding it.

"WHAAAT???" Mario jumped back a bit, startled by Frankly's loud outcry. "You... You actually have it?" he stammered incredulously. A look of sheer eagerness gleamed though his glass lenses as he eyed the map and asked, "Could I... just take a quick look at it, if you don't mind?"

With a nod, Mario laid the map down on Frankly's desk. The elderly goomba scanned the map corner to corner, hardly believing what had just been laid before him. But there was no denying it. "Astounding! This is it!" he cried jubilantly. "The real thing! The one and only Magical Map!"

Picking the map back up, Mario asked him, "Does this mean we'll be able to find those Crystal Star things?"

Frankly was beaming, "Indeed it does, son. All we will have to do is hold that aloft before the legendary door!"

"Right on, Professor!" cheered Goombella.

Leaping to his feet, the professor cried, "Good golly, what are we doing just sitting here, then?!? Goombella! Mario!" He trotted past them to his front door. "Off we must go this instant! Let's take the Magical Map to the legendary door!"

---

As the three of them popped out of a warp pipe underground, Mario gaped at the vast stone walls, floors, and arches all around him. "This... is a sewer?!?"

"Legend has it that these sewers were built through the remains of an ancient underground city," explained Frankly as if teaching in the classroom. "Some communities that have established themselves down here still remain even today."

Goombella skipped on ahead as she chimed in on the lesson, "According to the legends, the Thousand-Year Door was part of a palace that was built in that underground city. It should be just down another level..."

"So we're nearly there then?" Mario followed her down a flight of stairs into a short landing but was stopped by an obnoxious voice up ahead.

"Hey! Hey, man! What's up?" said a goomba at the top of the stairwell on the other side. "Who's the hottie you got there with you?" His two companions, a spiked goomba and paragoomba, greeted Goombella's presence with wolf whistles and other rude calls.

"Wassup, baby? Why don't you hang with us for a while?" cooed the paragoomba, floating down to lean up suggestively beside her. She backed away in disgust. "We play reeeal nice..."

The goomba girl leered at the three goomba pigs as they continued hitting on her.

Hopping down the stairs as his winged friend made his move, the spiked goomba slid up on her other side and asked with a chuckle, "Man, what's a fine-lookin' goomba doin' with a tubby mustache man like that?!?"

Feigning a sweet expression, Goombella chirped, "Oh, it is, like, so sweet that you boys think I'm cute! Seriously!" The three grinned at each other, clearly with one word in mind: Score! "Yeah, guys like you make me feel like TOTALLY BARFING!" She dropped the act and rounded on the spiked goomba, "Now get lost!" kicking him in the nether region.

Hopping down to meet the rest of them, the regular goomba cringed for his friend as he fell on his side in pain. "Ouch... That was cold," he said.

The paragoomba flew to his side and stared Goombella down. "What, you're too good for us? Come off it, sister!" he cat called. "Nobody zings us like that! Nobody!"

And with that, he dive-bombed Goombella, but she hopped out of the way and headbonked him in the wings. He yelped and fell to the ground. The last goomba standing charged her in retaliation, but she quickly leapt into the air and bonked him into the ground. Pulling themselves up, the three boys ran away crying.

Goombella jeered after them, "HA! Later on, losers!" She grinned as she turned back to her two companions. "That felt awesome!"

Raising his hands, Mario said to her, "Remind me never to get on your bad side."

"I'll keep that in mind..." she sang as she hopped up the steps to the next warp pipe.

The trek through the sewer was relatively uneventful save for the occasional scuffle with the ruffians down below. Mario caught sight of some bizarre gray insectoid the size of a large rodent with a lantern on its head, but it scurried away in fright. It probably wasn't important anyway. They had just passed by a large staircase when Goombella spotted a lone black key on the nearby ledge. "Hmm? What's that doing there?" she asked, climbing up the stairs to reach the ledge.

Mario and Frankly turned in surprise when she ran off. "What's what doing there?" They followed her up the stairs just as she came back with the key.

"What do you think it goes to?" asked the goomba girl examining it.

Mario took the key and stared at it. "I don't know, but there's something fishy about it just lying around like that..."

"Hello? Is someone out there?" A canned voice had just then reached their ears from the nearby room. The three looked at each other in surprise. And coming to a silent agreement, they cautiously entered the next room and looked around.

But there was no one to be found. In fact, the room was completely empty save for a large, old looking black chest. Mario walked up to look at the chest, and then he stood straight and looked around the room again. "That's odd..." he said, "I could've sworn I heard someone in here..."

"Whoa!" Mario jumped when the same voice from before spoke up again, clearly from the black chest which shook at the voice spoke. "Hey! You! Can you hear me?"

The plumber glanced anxiously to the goomba professor and college student then returned his gaze to the odd talking chest. "Y-yes..."

"You can?!?" The chest, or whatever was inside it, suddenly became very excited. "That must mean you're the hero of legend! Only the great hero of legend can hear my voice. Yeah! Everyone else... nothing."

"Who are you? What are you doing in there?" Mario asked the chest. He probably looked strange to his companions, talking to nothing, but he felt he needed to know.

"See, long ago, an evil spirit cast a curse on me, locking me in this box. I was bummed," it explained. "I've been here ever since, waiting a long, long time for the hero to come by! ... So yeah, anyway, big guy... what brings a hero like you to a place like this?"

Goombella didn't like this one bit. She already knew one thing the black chest said was a lie: she could hear it just as loud and clearly as Mario could. And apparently, so could her old professor. "Er, Mario... a word with you?" he piped up suspiciously, making Mario turn to look at him. "I'm not exactly confident we can trust this... box," he said. "I think it may be best not to mention we are looking for the Crystal Stars." Frankly mentally kicked himself when those words escaped his lips. "Well, drat! I just said it out loud!" cried out the old goomba. "What's wrong with me?"

The black chest definitely sounded interested now. "Oh, yeah? Searching for the Crystal Stars, are you, now? So you really are a hero. Well, you're definitely gonna need my help if you hope to get those bad boys."

Mario raised an eyebrow at the chest's claim. "What...? How could you possibly help us?" he asked it warily.

"Well, first you should look for the key to this box," said the chest. "Then use it to let me out. Definitely."

The spaghetti-slurping hero stared again at the key in his hands wondering, "Could that be what this black key's for?" realizing only too late he had done so out loud.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You have the key? Yes!" cheered the chest. "Oh, man, I owe you big!"

"Mario, you can't seriously be considering doing this..." hissed Goombella.

Frankly seemed to agree. "It does seem a little too suspicious, young man..."

"But what if it is just an innocent soul trapped by an evil spirit? I couldn't just leave them to such an awful fate," the plumber counterargued. "I might as well give it a shot and see what happens. What have I got to lose?"

And so, Mario grasped the key by its handle and took a deep breath to steady himself. Taking a small step forward, he hesitantly pushed the key forward and into the chest.

And now for the moment of truth. In one swift motion, Mario turned the key. And with a loud, rusty click, the lock decoupled. Whatever soul was inside that chest was now free to go.

"YESSSSSSSSS!" A great jubilant cry came from the chest as Mario stepped back. "Thank... Ha! Thank NOTHING!"

Mario and his travel companions doubled back as the chest lid flew open and a black mist filled the room. "Whee hee! Foooooools!"

A sinister looking disembodied face hovered over the opened chest, leering at Mario. "Oh, BOY, did you fall for it! I burned you! What, you think I was gonna help you?!?"

Mario felt like a complete idiot. Of course, helping some strange chest he knew nothing about would end badly. With an exasperated sigh, he glanced towards the goombas and asked of them dryly, "Just tell me you told me so and get it over with." But the archeology teacher and his former student were too stunned by the presence of the black chest demon to speak.

"Instead, I'm gonna spread a little of the suffering I've endured in that stupid box!" the demon jeered. "Yeah! Sorry, but those are the breaks! I'm gonna cast an evil, terrible curse on you! Buggly-wuggly-WOOOOOOO! You're cursed!"

Mario doubled over, feeling as if his entire insides had been lit on fire. Though the sensation was brief and then immediately over, it left him completely out of breath. He was left there gasping on the floor as the demon continued to taunt him.

"Whee hee hee hee hee! Enjoy that curse, sucker! You got what you deserved!!!" mocked the demon. The fact that it heard no arguments on Mario's side wasn't just due to his exhaustion. "You wanna hear all about the sweet curse I just dropped? Then listen well?" Its victim stared up at it somewhat confused. What, a tutorial? "From now on, when you think hard about paper airplanes on top of high ledges, you will turn into one!" Paper what?!? The plumber's body suddenly felt numb all over as it stretched and flattened itself out like dough being kneaded by a rolling pin. And then, when he was stretched out considerably and reduced to the thickness of a printer sheet, his body contorted, as if folded by the hands of a professional origami artist, into the shape of a man-sized paper airplane. Then an invisible force thrust him forward.

Though he couldn't feel his body at all, he was well aware of what he was doing. And he knew he was headed straight for a wall! Mario desperately willed himself to turn... and he did. It seemed Mario still had some control over his body And when he managed to get a hang of steering, he guided himself back to the spot in front of the chest before he came to a stop on the ground. Mario wished desperately to return to normal, and his body quickly unfolded and 'reinflated' back to normal. He was once again terribly out of breath.

"Whee hee! Trembling yet? Suffer the rest of your days under my terrible curse!" The demon was starting to deviate from frightening and more towards annoying at that point. "Whee hee hee hee hee hee! Oh, I can't help but chortle! You're DOOMED!!!" The demon laughed, continuing to ham it up before asking, "So, be honest. Isn't this curse just about the worst thing that's ever happened to you?"

"I can think of worse things," he murmured to himself.

"What was that?"

He might as well tell it what it wants to hear so it will shut up. "Yes. I get it. It's terrible," he replied in a borderline monotone.

"Whee hee hee hee hee hee!" the demon laughed again. "If you wish hard enough, you might return to normal! Maybe! Farewell, you foolish fool! Whee hee hee hee!"

With that, the demon vanished, and the mist cleared away.

After a moment or so of awkward silence, Goombella finally found her voice again. "So, uh... Wow. Just wow. What was that guy's beef?"

Sighing and stretching his sore muscles as he left, Mario said, "Let's just never speak of this again."

So the three of them left the room and climbed down the stairs. Returning to ground level, the continued along across the sewer room.

But when they came to the other end, Frankly stopped and frowned. "Odd... There should be some stairway, or ramp, or... trampoline... something to reach the ledge that leads to the chamber of the Thousand-Year Door..."

"But there's nothing!" said Goombella, gazing up at the rock platform high above them. "And I don't think even Mario can jump that high!"

"There is one person who could probably clear that height," Mario mused, also staring up at the platform. He'd figured he might have to call on him at some point. "I'll just e-mail my bro Luigi to come over," he said, checking his watch. "He usually checks his inbox about five minutes from now." He shrugged, admitting, "Sure, we'll have to delay ourselves for a bit, but I guess we'll just have to speed up our efforts after we get our bearings from that door."

As soon as he finished speaking, the Super Mario Bros. 2 overworld theme could be heard playing from his pocket. Mario raised his eyebrows in surprise as he pulled the Mailbox SP out. "Well, speak of the devil," he said as he flipped it open and saw a message from Luigi listed at the top. His face fell, however, when he opened it and read it.

Ciao, Bro!

I know you said you might be contacting me, but the prime minister of a neighboring kingdom came to ask for my assistance. Well, technically, he wanted your assistance, but since you're off treasure hunting with the princess, he had to settle with me. I just thought you should know, just in case you ever tried contacting me. I'm sorry, and I hope you can fare without me on this one.

Yours truly, Luigi

Mario snapped the e-mail device shut with a moan. "Of all the rotten luck!" he cried. "Now how are we supposed to get up there? Fly?!?"

When he caught Goombella and Frankly staring slyly up at him, he felt his stomach sink Oh... no... They couldn't be serious! "Oh, no... Ohhh no! Nuh-uh!" he declared, waving his arms in opposition. "There is no way I am doing that!"

But in mere minutes, Mario found himself up on the ledge where the Goombella found that accursed black key. And moments later, the goombas rode a paper airplane shaped Mario across to the ledge on the other side.

Upon returning to normal in an awkward sitting position, the faucet fixer moaned, "I can't believe I just did that..."

The professor ignored Mario's complaints and passed through the next door. "This way, youngsters," he said. "If the stories are true, our legendary door should be right..." But he trailed off and went silent at this point.

Pulling himself up, Mario exchanged a wary glance with Goombella before the two followed Frankly through the doorway. On the other side was a massive room with columns scattered throughout and a large platform surrounding a pedestal in the center. And in the middle of the wall to the right was the biggest arched double door Mario had seen in his life. The door was dark red with gold trimmings and decorations; these included points along the edges like sunshine and star outlines in a circle around the surface, three on each door and one at the top where the door would split. The dull brown semicircle the door was built into was decorated with two arches of stone decoration within one another, and it took up nearly the entire wall.

Frankly stared in wonder at the spectacle. "Oh! Mario! Goombella! Look... at... that!" he cried out in amazement as the two joined him. "It's the Thousand-Year Door spoken of in the legends! I can't believe it's real!" Spellbound, the old professor stepped out towards the center of the large room and stared up at the legendary door. He closed his eyes and shook his head, as if making sure he wasn't imagining it, and looked again. A chill ran down his spine. "So the legends are all true! There it is, big as life!"

Mario pulled the map once again from his pocket and stared at it then at the Thousand-Year Door. So the door was real... Then perhaps there was some legendary treasure. And the only way to find them was the map in his hands and those Crystal Stars he kept hearing about. Mario suddenly felt his insides sink a little after staring at the door; something about it gave him a serious case of the heebie-jeebies.

Goombella stepped out onto the platform and towards the middle of it, wondering, "Hey, what's the deal with this weird pedestal, huh?" She glanced back at Mario as he joined her. "What could it be, you think?"

"Dunno," he said, stepping up onto it. "I'll try getting a better look at it from..."

But he was cut off mid sentence when a quick burst of light shone forth from the pedestal beneath him, startling the plumber. As a star of blue light formed at his feet, rings of the same blue light snaked around the midway diameter and outer diameter of the platform. The man and two goombas stared around in wonderment as the platform lit up, and the light began to form even patterns around the pedestal with a chain of seven rings looped around the outer edge.

Goombella stumbled back in shock as the ground beneath her lit up. "Professor!" she gasped. "What's going on?"

Before Frankly could even consider an answer to give her, the Magical Map jiggled free from Mario's grasp and floated high into the air in an aura of light. That's when Frankly remembered the verse and understood.

"Hold the Magical Map aloft before
The entrance to the Thousand-Year Door..."

A great field of energy burst forth and swooped down over the map; it seemed to suck the energy in until a massive ripple of light and smoke burst out of it. After that spectacular show, the map fluttered back down and into Mario's hands.

After a second or two to collect his wits, Mario peered over the newly returned Magical Map with the goombas peering over his shoulder.

"Professor! The map!!!" cried Goombella, indicating the top right corner. She then continued the verse where Frankly left off...

"Then the stars will light the way
That leads to the stones of yesterday."

The image of the meadows near the small village changed, now including a large, imposing castle. A star-shaped diamond could be seen overtop the picture of the castle.

"Hrmmm..." Frankly noted the change on the map. "It appears that information related to the locations of the Crystal Stars appeared... We should return to my place and study the map closely." Mario nodded in agreement. With that, the professor hopped off the pedestal and left towards the doorway out with Mario and Goombella following.

"So then it's all true," said Mario in amazement as they made their way back to the surface. "The map, the door, the stars, and the treasure."

Goombella grinned. "And once the professor deciphers the map, the treasure hunt can begin!"

Patting his belly, the faucet fixer declared, "And while he's doing that, let's stop by the inn for a bite to eat! I missed breakfast during my boat ride, and mama mia, am I starving!"

---

A half hour later, Frankly looked up from the Magical Map and his charts on his desk to see Mario and Goombella enter.

"I'm telling ya, I've never seen anyone put away that much spaghetti!" Goombella was just saying.

Mario rubbed his tummy looking quite satisfied. "Goombella, if there's one thing I'll always have room for, it's pasta. Especially spaghetti!"

"Ah, there you are," he said as they approached his desk and sat down on the other side. "This map has radar-like functions; it now shows the location of a Crystal Star. This first crystal star is to be found in a place called the Petal Meadows." He used a pointer tool to indicate the top right corner of the map.

"Pedal Meadows?" said Goombella, peering over its visual representation on the map. It was a place she'd heard of, but just vaguely.

Frankly nodded. "Yes. The area is a vast meadow that lies far to the east of Rogueport," he explained. "To tell you the truth... I've always thought that place was a tad suspicious. The name 'Petal Meadows' did come up from time to time in my research."

"OK, fine. So we'll go there." Goombella stared around at her old teacher's charts. "Does anybody know how to get there or what?"

Frankly smiled and assured his old student, "I'm fairly certain that somewhere beneath the city is a pipe to Petal Meadows. If you could just find that, you'd get there instantly. Pipe travel's efficient!"

Mario chuckled. "Don't I know it!" he said.

"Say, by the way, Mario..." Frankly then turned his attention to him. "I'm curious. Where did you get that map, anyway?"

"Well... from Princess Peach," he admitted, scratching the back of his head.

"From Princess Peach? Really? Her Highness sent this to you, Mario?" Frankly raised his eyebrows. "This Princess Peach... she wouldn't happen to have flowing blonde hair, a fancy pink dress with a blue brooch, white gloves, and a golden crown, would she?"

He nodded. "That's her."

"So it is her!" Both Mario and Goombella jumped in their seats when Frankly shouted this out. "Your princess came to see me a few days back. She wanted to learn about the treasure... I told her about the Crystal Stars and my suspicions about Petal Meadows... It doesn't seem likely, but perhaps she tried to go to Petal Meadows on her own..."

Goombella turned to Mario. "So then she did head off to try finding the treasure herself!" Recalling her run in with that Lord Crump jerk earlier, she told Frankly, "Y'know, Professor, there was another suspicious group asking about the same thing... They ambushed me on the pier, but Mario saved me. That's how we met."

Mario joined in, explaining, "They were oddly dressed and had big white Xs on their shirts. They called their leader Lord Crump."

The professor seemed somewhat perplexed by their tale. "Hrmm... I can't imagine Princess Peach getting involved with them..."

"All the same, I'd say it means we should get moving and catch up to Peach as soon as possible," said Mario. "With that Crump guy still out there, I don't like risking her running into him."

Goombella nodded. "Ditto."

"All right! It's settled! Off to Petal Meadows you two go!" Frankly affirmed. "If Princess Peach indeed went there, your first priority must be to catch up to her. Collecting the Crystal Stars is a means to an end... and that end is Princess Peach!"

Mario and Goombella stood up and nodded. "Right!" they said.

With their mission in mind, Mario took the Magical Map from Frankly's desk, folded it back up, and put it back in his pocket. As Frankly saw them off, he informed them, "I'll stay in town and ask around about Princess Peach and that suspicious gang."

"Just be careful, Professor," Goombella asked of him. "Those creeps fight dirty."

"I will. Don't worry, child," he assured her.

With that, she and Mario headed out into the street. "OK then. Let's go, Mario! Next stop, Petal Meadows and the first Crystal Star."

And so, the pair took off on the start of their adventure. Neither of them noticed the old koopa witch spying on them from afar.

Next... Chapter 1: Castle and Dragon

As you can tell already, I won't quite be starting and ending chapters where the game's chapter markers are. Oh, and give me at least a week's time before you start nagging me about the next chapter, OK? Oh, wow, I still have characters remaining in the character limit: 7445.

[DM: Dersite Merchant]

Here's a sneak peek to Chapter 1: Castle and Dragon. I'll delete this when I post up the full chapter, which will be some time from now.

"FREEZE!!!" Mario froze in his tracks while passing by a building labeled 'Zess T.'s Kitchen House' when an elderly mushroom woman (presumably Zess T. herself) barked the order. "You two! Not another step! Don't come this way!!!"

"Geez, Lady!" Goombella shot back. "What's your beef?!?"

"Some complete jerk just bumped into me and made me lose a contact lens!" she said, darting her gaze this way and that along the street around her. "I'm looking for it right now, so don't you dare move!!!"

Mario's day was definately not going very well by this point, considering all that had already happened. And he could tell getting on her bad side would probably only make it worse. Mario slowly stepped backwards away from the scene as quietly and cautiously as he could. Perhaps he could get out of there and back to Rogueport sewers before--_Squitch! He cringed as his shoe made the tiny sound. ...Oh cazzo...

Practically every soul in the main plaza jumped at Zess T.'s shrill scream. "IDIOT!" she shrieked. "You stepped on it!!! My poor contact lens!!!" She charged at Mario in fury, and he stumbled backwards. "I told you not to move!!!! Don't your stupid ears work? What were you thinking?!?"

Mario was too stunned to try defending himself and was pulled to his feet when Zess T. grabbed him by the overall straps. "This is your fault!" she spat at him. "Now I have to buy a new contact lens! But you're gonna pay for it! Compensate me, Mr. Clumsy!"

Mr. Clumsy struggled to find his voice. "Wh-what, n-now? B-but, uh, I, th-there's this th-thing I..."

"Fine!" Zess T. threw him back onto the ground and ran over to the west side gate. "If that's your plan, then here's mine, you oaf! I'm gonna bloack the gate to the west side until you bring me a new contact lens!" With that, she threw a few crates in front of the gate and plopped herself down on a chair next to them.

Mario staggered to his feet. "What... But I..." But he just gave up with a deflating sigh. "Oh, mama mia..." he moaned.