As Yet Nameless Nepeta Fiction

[shiftyPotentate]

-Chapter One-

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] --
GA: Nepeta I Seek To Inform You Of Something I Believe You Will Find Somewhat Troubling
AC: :33 < *ac slowly rouses herself from sl33p, purring as she sees ga! she twitches her tail and walks up to her furriend*
GA: GA Pets AC If Only To Serve To Soften The Especially Grim News She Bears
GA: Please Nepeta This Is Not The Best Time For This Roleplay Nonsense
AC: :33 < aww all right kanaya. what did you want to tell me?
GA: I Have Learned That The Imperial Drones Have Been Dispatched
GA: I Am Not Supposed To Tell Anyone But I Believe It To Be Vital To Inform My Friends Despite The Risk I Am Taking
AC: :33 < ... wait... they are?
AC: :(( < when did this happen? oh no kanaya!
GA: It Is Of Little Importance When
GA: What Matters Now Is That Every One Of Us Locate Their Concupiscent Quadrant Choices
GA: Did You Ever Happen To Find One By The Way
AC: :(( < ... no... karkitty is with terezi and i couldnt happen upawn a hissmesis!
AC: :(( < what should i do kanaya??
GA: Oh Nepeta I Am Afraid The Only Thing I Can Think Of Is Too Difficult Even For One As Experienced In The Wild As You
GA: You Would Have To Abscond Into The Forests
AC: :OO < i can do that! that’s no purroblem!
GA: Yes But It Also Would Involve Leaving Your Friends Behind
GA: That I Would See As Far Too Heartbreaking For You To Even Consider
AC: :(( < ... kanaya i have to
AC: :(( < its the only way but i dont want to have to abandon my furriends!
AC: :(( < ugh thats such a stupid rule!!! i hate it!
GA: Nepeta I Believe We Have Run Out Of Time
GA: I Will Tell Our Friends About This But You Really Must Leave At Once
GA: Im So Sorry Nepeta

-- arsenicCatnip ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix –

Nepeta: Say Good-bye to your lusus.

You stare blankly at your tablet screen. Olive dots adorn parts of it, and you realize that you have started to cry. A horrible emptiness fills your chest.
Kanaya was right. Every one of your friends, including you, had reached that critical age where matesprits and kismeses were required by law. You had been so devoted to Karkat you decided you didn’t want to even consider anyone else as a matesprit! And you just weren’t kismesis material either. You couldn’t bring yourself to be anyone’s rival that way!
Ugh! These rules are so stupid! Whoever thought of them should have their eyes scratched out!
You look to your lusus, Pounce de Leon. She had been watching you for the last few minutes and began to walk over to you, seeing you crying. You try to put on a reassuring smile for her, but you fail miserably. Your expression betrays your emotions to her. She seems visibly upset by this, and offers the most loving, caring hugrub she can. You give up trying to fight it and accept it.
“Pounce, I’m...” You try to explain why you’re so upset but it would only make it worse, you feel. And she might not let you go, or try something drastic!
But she looks at you, her soft eyes piercing into your soul. The lusus naturae closes her eyes and seems to bow in understanding, rubbing up against you again. Though she can’t actually talk, you like to imagine you can feel what she feels. And usually you can. She doesn’t want to see you go, but she understands that you do not have a choice.
She turns toward your personal belongings, indicating that you should take some with you. Your tablet would be mostly useless, since you would be unable to connect to the internet in the forest. That was probably the worst part! You’d be unable to contact your friends. And if you stayed at someone else’s hive, the drones would simply find you there.
You turn back to Pounce and shake your head. You won’t need anything for this trip. You turn toward the door, and slowly walk toward it. You turn back to wave at Pounce, and start at the door.
Your tablet chimes at you to get your attention. One of your friends is trying to contact you, but you’re already out of earshot. With a heaving sigh, you start away from your hive. You’ve been out countless times before. That much wasn’t a problem.
But this was a one way trip.

Pounce: Check the tablet.

What even is this thing. Your charge sure seems to like drawing on it! The screen is pretty bright too. Because she liked it so much you’re sad to see her have to leave without it but sometimes you had to leave things behind.
You look at the screen. It’s hard to make out, but there’s some gray lines of stuff appearing in one of the white boxes. It’s too bad you’re a cat and don’t know how to read.
But if you could read, this is what it would say.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] –

CG: LEIJON WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY MARYAM TOLD ME
CG: OKAY SO THE IMPERIAL DRONES ARE COMING I KNOW THAT MUCH BUT SHE SAID YOU WERE LEAVING YOUR HIVE
CG: YOU BETTER NOT HAVE FUCKING DONE IT. IF YOU NEED A MATESPRIT SO BAD THEN I GUESS I CAN GET CAPTOR OR EVEN PEIXES TO HELP YOU
CG: OR HELL I WOULD DO IT TOO I GUESS
CG: GOD DAMN IT LEIJON ANSWER ME
AC: ~~~/-i ----^
CG: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT
CG: LEIJON WHAT HAPPENED, SAY SOMETHING FOR FUCK’S SAKE
CG: OH FUCK THAT WAS YOUR LUSUS WASN’T IT
CG: POUNCE, GO FIND YOUR FREAKING CAT TROLL BEFORE SHE DOES SOMETHING STUPID
CG: OH WHO AM I TRYING TO KID, I’M TALKING TO A FUCKING CAT
CG: LEIJON I SWEAR IF I FIND YOU YOU’LL REGRET
CG: MAKING ME
CG: WORRY LIKE TIHS
CG: FUCK I CAN’T EVEN TYPE STRAIGHT ANYMORE
CG: JESUS
-- carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling arsenicCatnip --

[shiftyPotentate]

-Chapter Two-

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] –
CG: PYROPE WE HAVE A SERIOUS SITUATION ON OUR HANDS
CG: I’M JUST GOING TO SKIP RIGHT TO THE NITTY FUCKING GRITTY. THE IMPERIAL DRONES ARE FLYING ON DOWN FROM ON FUCKING HIGH FOR US
GC: SO? >:?
GC: YOU 4ND 1 4R3 M4T3SPR1TS
GC: OR D1D YOU FORG3T?
GC: H3H3H3
CG: NO I DIDN’T FORGET, HOW COULD I, YOU KEEP REMINDING ME WITH YOUR WEIRD COLOR FETISH LIKE AN ASSHOLE
CG: I STILL SOMETIMES THINK YOU ONLY FUCKING LIKE ME FOR MY BLOOD BUT WHO CARES THAT’S NOT THE ISSUE
CG: WE’RE NOT THE ONES WAIST DEEP IN SHIT RIGHT NOW
CG: REMEMBER HOW SOME OF US WERE ALL RELAXED ABOUT QUADRANTS BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY CARE? THERE WERE STILL SWEEPS TO FIGURE THAT SHIT OUT
CG: WELL SWEEPS PASSED AND NOW IT’S TIME
GC: G444SP, K4RKL3S YOU DON’T M34N 3R1D4N DO YOU?
CG: WELL HE’S A DIFFERENT STORY, HE GOT MAKARA TO FUCKING FAKE A KISMESISSITUDE
CG: WHICH IS PRETTY FUCKING LAME BUT WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO I GUESS
GC: H3H3H3 I 4GR33 TH4T 1S PR3TTY L4M3
GC: BUT 1F YOU D1DN’T M34N 3R1D4N TH3N WHO >:?
CG: LEIJON.
CG: MARYAM TOLD HER THE BULGESUCKING DRONES WERE GOING OUT AND NOW LEIJON GOT IT IN HER RETARDED THINKPAN THAT SHE HAD TO FUCKING TURN TAIL AND RUN
CG: SHE’S NOT RESPONDING TO HER TROLLIAN ANYMORE EITHER SO SHE’S ALREADY GONE
CG: WELL HER FUCKING CAT LUSUS MIGHT BUT THAT DUMB ANIMAL DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO WRITE SO FUCK HER
GC: WH4T?
GC: N3P3T4 1S M1SS1NG?
CG: YEAH. AND I THINK I HAVE A WAY TO HELP HER.
CG: BUT I DON’T THINK YOU’RE GOING TO LIKE IT.
GC: T3LL M3 4NYW4Y.[/tt][/b]

Karkat: Tell Terezi.

You tell Terezi of your plan. She doesn’t like it at first, but she admits it might be necessary to help your friend.
You make a note to her that yeah, it’s pretty fucking outlandish, but you’re not about to let that retarded cat troll get herself killed, or lost forever.
You stop yourself. Nepeta isn’t retarded, you remind yourself, mildly upset with yourself for even thinking that. Just different.
At any rate, now is as good a time as any to start enacting your plan. You pick up and put your husktop in a carrying satchel, because fuck your shitstain of a fetch modus.

JUST HANG ON, LEIJON.
WE’RE NOT GIVING UP ON YOU YET.

-----

--- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC] ---
GC: H3Y F3F3R1 >:]
CC: )(-EY, Terezi! 38D
GC: 1’D LOV3 TO T4LK 4BOUT FUN 4ND 3XC1T1NG TH1NGS
GC: 4S 1 KNOW YOU 3NJOY DO1NG
GC: BUT W3 H4V3 4 R4TH3R 4NNOY1NG PROBL3M 4T OUR H4NDS
GC: ON3 3V3N TH1S M1GHTY L3G1SL4C3R4TOR N33DS H3LP W1TH
CC: 38O T)(is sounds R-E-ELY important! I’m all oars![/b]

Terezi: Explain the situation.

You inform Feferi of what precisely is going on, as well as formally request her assistance. Feferi was the closest to the ruling class of Alternia, so if anyone could try to convince the empress to make an exception, it was her. Still, you suspect she would not be swayed, so you also discuss the backup plan with her.
Surprisingly, she actually starts to suggest a similar course of action! Seems great minds do think alike!
The deposed empress-to-be was surprisingly devious for someone so carefree. You know well enough, as does she, apparently, that there are loopholes to every law. And a skilled legislacerator such as yourself knows how to sniff out even the tiniest of them.
You munch on some red chalk to celebrate your brilliant success. All you had to do now was let more people in on the plan. Hopefully they would all help out.

-----

Nepeta: Enter the trees.

You feel mixed feelings as you enter the treeline. On the one hand, the forest is a familiar place to you. You’ve spent countless hours, probably a combined total of at least eight perigrees in here, if not more. You know these woods almost as well as you know your hive.
But at the same time, you feel almost... unwelcome. Unwanted. As if the whole of Alternia had turned its back on you, and were seeking your demise.
It’s an awful feeling.
No friends to cheer you up. Nothing cute and soft to squeeze with love. Just empty, desolate trees.
You sit down and try to imagine a conversation with one of your friends.

-- arseniccatnip [ac] began trolling centaurstesticle [ct] --
ac: :33 < hi equius!
ct: D --> hello nepeta
ct: D --> i pray you are in e%cellent condition
ct: D --> i would feel STRONGly f001ish if anything were to ever happen to you
ac: :33 < well actually i had to go out on my own!
ct: D --> what
ct: D --> nepeta that is ridiculous ridic001ous (h33 h33 thats a good one) to hear
ct: D --> you will come to my hive at once so we may discuss this
ac: :33 < sorry equius i cant! if i come to your hive bad stuff will happen to both of us
ac: :33 < but dont worry ill be all right out here!
ct: D --> nepeta
ct: D --> please be careful. i dont want to 100se you furever
ct: D --> fiddlesticks i mean forever
ac: :33 < h33 h33, thanks equius... i miss you already. i cant imagine how long i even have to be out here... i... i should have b33n more smart about my quadrants! im a shippurr, i should have known! but efurryone has a matesprit or hissmesis but me now beclaws of my own stupid silly dumb furbrained gaaaaahhh!

In frustration you slash in the air frantically in front of you. You manage to scar up a tree pretty badly, cutting deep rivets into the wood.
Your imaginary conversation with your moirail escapes from your mind. You don’t even feel like thinking about that. You just sigh tiredly and collapse on the ground. Within minutes, you drift off to sleep...