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Post by doctorzero on Nov 26, 2011 21:09:53 GMT -5
It was a full moon. Thankfully, the village had a complete lack of werewolves (as far as Wilhelm knew), so they didn't have to worry about that.
While he could never figure out why there was a Japanese village of all places in an interdimensional void, he decided to just roll with it. He wasn't going to go make fun of them.
He and Wax strolled through the village gate. As it was nighttime, the streets were mostly devoid of villagers. Wilhelm didn't care, thought. He continued his walk, his face set with determination.
...
Dammit, he forgot where the shop was again.
Meanwhile, a GIRAFFE clad in green gazed upon them from the roof of the House of Blue Leaves with a high-class MONOGLE.
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Post by ryocker on Nov 26, 2011 21:17:16 GMT -5
Looking around, Wax tried his best to take in what was going on. It was... definately oriental. He'd seen the type... once. MAN those places were suspiciously flammable. Shaking off the old memory of his villainhood, Wax gave Wilhelm another glance, before asking, "So, you know where it is we're headed, right?"
And then it happened again. "Gaah, what the heck is wrong with my eyes?" he pointlessly asked, rubbing them.
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Post by doctorzero on Nov 26, 2011 22:57:43 GMT -5
"Go get glasses or something," Wilhelm said absentmindedly. "And yeah, I know where it is, just...just gimme a second."
WHERE THE HELL IS IT?! he thought furiously. This was just embarrassing.
MEANWHILE...
"Mistress, your Royal Stooge has arrived."
A pair of hands connected fingertips. "Excellent."
She was a natural Mr. Burns.
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Post by ryocker on Nov 26, 2011 23:05:18 GMT -5
"You're not about to tell me you don't remember where she is, are you?!" Wax yelled, teeth fully shown. "Aaah, potato skins, that's just plain stupid of you! Though I have no room to talk..." he mumbled under his breath. Well this was downright lame. "Welp, if all else fails, we do this."
With absolutely no warning at all, Wax's arm- cooled to a moderate temperature- was placed on Wilhelm's forehead. "The texture's relaxing. Use that to think about it."
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Post by doctorzero on Nov 26, 2011 23:22:43 GMT -5
Wilhelm was extremely annoyed by Wax's action. "Hey, what the hell are you--" He paused. He really DID feel relaxed. Weird. And it was right then that he DID remember. "Follow me."
Auntie Grandma's
Nooks and Crannies It was a massive neon sign affixed to the roof of the shop. Wilhelm wondered if anyone had complained of the extreme gaudiness of it. Without bothering to turn to look at Wax, he said, "When I look at a sign like that, I think one thing." He paused. "I don't get nearly paid enough for this shit." |
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Post by ryocker on Nov 26, 2011 23:39:58 GMT -5
Wax crossed his arms at the Gaudy display. "... huh. I severely doubt an old woman would have enough spunk to think up something that fancy," Burning eyes turning toward Wilhelm, he continued: "You sure she's that old?"
Thinking about it just made him think back to what he thought in the cemetary- Old Woman, mysterious herbs, and a shop set up in an old timey village- it all just Screamed "potion brewer." "Well whatever the case, let's just get this over with. After you, Mister Will." he bowed, having a somewhat jerkish smile on it.
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Post by doctorzero on Nov 27, 2011 0:30:09 GMT -5
"She looked like she was in her eighties or something."
Wilhelm gave him a glare in return as he entered the shop. He was beginning to dislike this guy.
The shop itself was filled with overpowering perfumes and smoke, with incense candles everywhere. Gigantic pots lined the walls, filled to the top with seeds.
In short, it looked like a stereotypical perfume shop. No one was at the register. Wilhelm headed right to the desk and started ringing the bell repeatedly.
"Yes, yes, one moment, my dearies!" rasped the voice of someone who was clearly in their nineties. Wilhelm's eyes narrowed as the hunched-over crone in question shuffled into sight, a ghastly woman who was practically buried under a pile of shawls and scarves, with stringy hair and wrinkled, bony hands.
She looked over the desk at the two of them, blinking repeatedly. "Oh, you're that ever so polite boy from this morning! Did you bring what Auntie asked?"
Wilhelm's eye twitched, but he simply reached into his pocket and dumped the wedlock onto the counter. "Is THIS what you wanted? Next time you need to be more specific."
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Post by ryocker on Nov 27, 2011 0:46:05 GMT -5
Wax's burning eyes started to twitch when he saw her- it was... weird. It was possibly his heritage as a monster, but there was something just... not... right at all with this Woman. Wax started shaking- and before long, smoke began to emit from the craters on his shoulders.
Still trying to remain calm, Wax got really close to Wilhelm, noticably shaken up beyond recognition. "Call it a moster's intuition," he began, eyeing her fiercely, even as the small herb was placed in front of her. "but there's something seriously messed up about this sister- too messed up." Deciding to stop whispering, he backed up a little and looked away, seemingly regaining his composure.
"I hope you're happy with what you got, young lady," Wax spat a little, looking away from her. He wasn't doing it to be nice- chances are he was older than her (though he didn't realize he wasn't), so it was common curtesy. "but just make sure Wil gets his bucks worth, alright?"
Bad move again, mister Waxevius.
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Post by doctorzero on Nov 29, 2011 22:19:18 GMT -5
Some time afterward, the two of them would reflect on what had occurred back then and agree that it had been the entirely wrong thing to say.
The old wizened Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Queen reject cackled. "Oh, don't worry, sonny, I am a crone of my word!" She reached under the table.
If Wilhelm had Spider Senses, they would've tingled like mad at that moment.
But he didn't. It would've been incredibly stupid if he did anyway, I mean, come on.
Wilhelm drew his handgun and pointed it at the hag at the same instant that she produced a shotgun and pointed it at HIM.
"HERE'S YOUR BUCKSHOT'S WORTH, B*TCHES!"
BLAM!!!
Wilhelm and the woman fired at the same time, Wilhelm ducking as the buckshot went over his head.
He stood back up and looked over the counter, gun ready, only to see that the woman had disappeared. "Old crazy grandma with a gun. Must be Tuesday already."
And then things got worse. How, you may ask? Simple, really.
Several secret compartments opened on the walls, revealing deadly heat-seeking missiles aimed at the two of them.
"Okay, that's just ridiculous."
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Post by ryocker on Nov 29, 2011 22:36:34 GMT -5
"Okay, uh... I have no idea what to say to that."
Skipping the gunshots and sudden disappearance, They were faced with a huge amount of missiles.
None of them went after Wilhelm.
"SWEET HOLY CANDLE DRIPPINGS, HEEEELP!!" Wax roared, darting around the store like a maniac. Before long he just ran outside- and unseen from Wil, there was a large explosion soo afterward. Smoke was definately in the air- His laptop was unscathed because he had set it in the shop before running off- and all that seemed left of Wax was a small puddle of black ooze... and a candle wick.
bubbles came out of the goop, before a small toothy mouthed appeared. "Why is it that I always seem to say the wrong thing around someone, then almost die because of it?!" he screamed, voice small and squeaky compared to normal. It took a few minutes, but he had reshaped back into himself- same size, same heat sacks on the shoulders. "...please tell me you grabbed my laptop when you came to check on me. I am NOT going back in there."
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Post by doctorzero on Nov 30, 2011 1:32:31 GMT -5
Wilhelm gave puddle-Wax what's best described as a 'deadpan stare'. "...I think I should just give up on wondering how you aliens work." He held up the laptop. "Got it right here. Don't know WHY you have one, but--"
CHINK.
He didn't bother turning around. He knew that there was a 1-ton Gatling gun pointed at him. "Oh for Pete's sake."
"Surprise, motherf*cker."
Wilhelm rolled his eyes. "You need to be more creative with your insults."
Princess shook the minigun threateningly. "Watch it. It costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire this thing for TWELVE GODDAMN SECONDS. I only have TWENTY."
Oh, sure, that changes everything. "I thought you got kicked off the side of the island. On fire. With a spear in your abdomen. Immortality aside, I doubt you climbed your way up."
"I got better," she snarled.
"You fell into an interdimensional void!"
"I. GOT. BETTER."
Wilhelm turned to Wax and raised an eyebrow. "She's borderline insane." He turned to face her and her minigun. "Okay, what I want to know is, what's the deal? You dress up as someone's angry grandmother in law so you can get me to go and grab you some plant that most likely doesn't exist. What's the point?"
Princess poked him with the barrel of the minigun. "Oh, no, I'm not falling for that damn trick. You think I'll just reveal ALLLLLL the plans, ALL of them, just 'cause you ask, super magic robot bounty hunter x zombie pirate."
Wilhelm chose not to respond to that last bit. "Okay, question."
"Huh?"
"Are you drunk this time?"
"Swear to drunk I'm not God--wait."
Drunk. Knew it. He drew his shotgun. "Even with your big gun, there's one of you going up against ME. Not fair odds for you."
The sound of dozens of firearms echoing around the street informed them that about thirty GIRAFFES situated on the rooftops had their guns primed and aimed at Wilhelm's head.
"Cheat."
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Post by ryocker on Nov 30, 2011 7:40:44 GMT -5
Wax cringed at Princess's revealed true form. "...okay, I knew i was twitching for a reason."
Watching the small exchange between the two, he quickly stated, "Wait, you mean she's-?" then the conversation resumed. Immortal, huh. I should've known I wasn't the only one on this island that was immortal. When Wilhelm stated she was Borderline insane, Wax crossed his arms. "Figures."
When being drunk was thrown out there, Wax glanced to the side. "yyyeaah, immortality and immune to alcohal is not the same th-"
And just like that they were outnumbered. "Alright, that just ticks me off! Wil, get down!" Putting his laptop back up, he stood in the way of practically every bullet being fired- then shaped one of his craters into his hand and made an arm cannon, slowly gaining heat before he fired a massive fireball at one of the Girrafes- Engulfing it in flames, then sending it skyward where it proceeded to become a living fireworks display.
"Alright, lady-!" Wax roared, slapping his arm onto her gun and more or less crippling the firing mechanism with his sludge. "I reccomend you calm down. STAT."
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Post by doctorzero on Dec 2, 2011 2:20:39 GMT -5
Wilhelm ducked as Wax worked his magic. And here I thought the marshmallow guy was bad.
Princess was not at all deterred by Wax assaulting her gun. "I'll show you calm YOU PILE OF--"
She pulled the trigger.
Now, let us note that the barrels of the gun have been filled with candle wax.
And thus, the thing exploded in Princess's face.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
She was sent flying into the air into one of the nearby buildings, somewhat covered in fire.
Wilhelm sweatdropped. "Okay..."
At the same instant, one of the Giraffes dropped down onto the street and approached him with a battleax with his back turned.
Without missing a beat Wilhelm aimed his shotgun at the offender and blasted him without turning around.
"Princess, you seriously need better henchmen."
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Post by ryocker on Dec 2, 2011 7:30:05 GMT -5
Crossing his arms- after regenerating what he lost in the backfire- Wax smiled a mile over. "See, THIS is why I quit being on the bad team-"
And then Wilhelm shot a Girrafe dead. "Yeah, no kidding," he answered back, grinning.
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Post by doctorzero on Dec 8, 2011 0:28:45 GMT -5
Wilhelm raised an eyebrow. "Mmhm." He cracked open the shotgun and began to reload it. "Now, what was that about being on the bad team--?"
"ASSHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLES!!!"
They both turned to see Princess emerge from the hole in the building, looking highly reminiscent of a being of death what with the fire and soot and whatnot. They both groaned in annoyance.
"For crying out loud, woman!" Wilhelm complained, aiming his gun at her. "Can't you just stay down for--"
He trailed off as Princess lifted up a rocket launcher. "Where the hell do you PUT those things?!"
"YOUR ASS!"
PFWOOOOOOOOOOM!
Princess does not have good aim when it comes to rockets.
However, seeing the missile zoom around everywhere and crash into a cabbage cart--which was in the OPPOSITE DIRECTION of where she was aiming--struck them as a little much.
Princess swore loudly, ignoring the shriek of "MY CABBAGES!" as she whipped out a machine gun. "ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"
The giraffes began to leap off the rooftops to surround the two. Wilhelm brought out a handgun as he began to count. "Okay, one, two...twenty nine. Think we could deal with them all in, what, twenty minutes?"
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