Live Like You Were Dying (Rei no Kaado)

[mugenginga]

The Arcade had an average amount of traffic. A lot of machines were empty. The place wasn't empty, but it wasn't crowded. Most people seemed more interested in using the place as a hang out than actually playing the systems. There was a new dancing machine in one corner, which seemed to have been replaced due to one all but exploding a while back.

Ryoji Mochizuki and Minato Arisato walked had come in a few minutes earlier. Ryoji was getting his butt handed to him in a fighting game, and anyone that knew him would realize he wasn't focusing well. He also seemed to be holding himself back a bit, as if he were afraid to put his full energy into any kind of fight. He was attempting to make a show at being in a good mood, but the success he'd had about an hour earlier at the apartments was slipping fast.

For everything Minato had said, for how much he wanted to stay, he knew the easier route. Just let the selfish (who was he to talk?) goddess have her way and discard his humanity. He couldn't go all the way with that until tonight, though, but he could make the decision now... for the third time, he lost the match. Due to the sets of three, it meant he was one down on his second yen coin. If Minato looked at him, he'd flash a smile. It would only be partially fooling, it was more than a bit clear his mind was elsewhere.

[Firebreath Fishslap]

Minato had thought it was odd that Ryoji was losing so many matches. The guy had been all but a master at these kind of games before. He'd beaten Junpei, who Minato had always had difficulties beating at these kind of games. And Minato was winning against Ryoji. Something was on Ryoji's mind.

Well, no shit something was on Ryoji's mind. It was on all of their minds. Ryoji's most of all because he was the one who had to start the damn thing himself. Minato sighed and looked up at the game screen again before leaning to the side and looking at Ryoji.

"You wanna go another few rounds or you wanna play something else?" Minato asked. They needed to do what they could now. It wasn't that long now. Minato could practically see Ryoji slipping now, no matter how much he deluded himself. That conversation with Nyx in the shower, how Ryoji had been acting since then... even more proof of the inevitable that Minato didn't want to accept was inevitable.

[mugenginga]

Ryoji had leaned over when Minato did. That forced grin was still on his face. Minato kept thinking he was an idiot, but the real idiot among them was him. He'd never really known why sticking around after nearly killing Aigis would have been a bad idea. Now he knew. Because his friends were forced to watch him slowly lose it. He shook his head.

"More is fine. Sorry, I'm a little spacy," he gave a better grin, "Maybe I'm just out of practice? Let's go again, I think I've got it under control."

Ryoji leaned back before Minato could object. He was holding himself back because he was afraid what even animated violence would do. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as the vocal announcement that the fight had begun issued from the speakers. He was just making Minato worry more by practically letting himself lose. So he wouldn't do that.

Of course, that created a different problem. Because as soon as the announcement happened, as soon as Ryoji had convinced himself to stop losing, Minato was getting his virtual ass handed to him. More than a bit, this was far worse than how well Ryoji could defeat Junpei. It wasn't impossible for Minato to win, but a quarter of his life bar had already gone down. If he chose to focus on Ryoji rather than the screen, he'd realize the teenager's eyes were in the process of glazing over. Even Ryoji wasn't aware of the fact that the more he entertained the idea of doing what he was supposed to, the harder it was becoming for him to fight it... right now Ryoji was fighting, not playing... or someone was.

[Firebreath Fishslap]

Almost immediately after the next match started, Minato noticed a definite change in playing styles. Looked like Ryoji was taking things seriously again. So seriously that Minato was getting beat worse than Junpei ever was. Ryoji was good, that was true, but he didn't even seem to be treating this like a game.

"Geez, Ryoji! You can go a little easy on me, can't you?" Minato called over the machines.

No response...

"Ryoji?" Minato asked, more hesitantly this time. He leaned a bit to the side to get a better look at Ryoji. Ryoji seemed completely focused on the game. But that wasn't all. His eyes had glazed over, like he wasn't all there. It didn't even seem like Ryoji playing that game. Minato's eyes widened and he jumped out of his seat before running over to Ryoji's side and starting to shake him by the shoulders. Minato's chair had clattered over on its side from how he had knocked it over, but he didn't notice it.

"Hey, Ryoji!" Minato yelled. As he had run over there, the "Victory!" announcement played over the speakers.

[mugenginga]

Ryoji's hand had lifted from the machine as Minato's hands were first placed on his shoulders. It looked threatening, and he did have it drawn back when his eyes refocused just as Minato yelled. He blinked several times in surprise and turned towards Minato and his expression fell. He looked at his raised hand and dropped it, both shoulders falling with the hand. He looked away to try and hide the pained expression. Would he have hit Minato? His eyes shut as he realized that would have been the result had they been lucky.

"I'm sorry, Minato..."

It had been a bad idea to do that seriously. It really was getting close. Had it gotten worse in just the time today? Maybe. He didn't think he was dreaming, either. This was why he hadn't stayed behind before. As if the pain his friends would have knowing the end of the world was coming wasn't bad enough, watching him collapse...?

_{"I'm sorry..."}

No one was stopping, but a few people were slowing down. Even if odd things were commonplace on the Island, it was only those with a death wish that stayed when odd things occurred. When the chair had hit the ground, almost everyone there had looked up in surprise. Things seemed in control. The teenager with the scarf seemed depressed, but he wasn't crying...

[Firebreath Fishslap]

Minato had almost drawn back from Ryoji as the hand lifted and drew back. Almost being the key word as he had yelled before Ryoji had gotten a chance to strike him. He looked pained as Ryoji's eyes came back into focus and he started to apologize. That had been... Minato had a feeling that had Ryoji not regained control of himself then, there was a possibility that he wouldn't be alive anymore.

"...I'm the one who should be apologizing," Minato said. "Come on. Let's go."

They didn't need to do this anymore. Ryoji really was starting to slip. Minato had been thinking it to himself a few minutes ago, he knew that was the case, but he hadn't really accepted it until just now. When Ryoji had tried to attack him.

[mugenginga]

Minato had drawn his hands back from Ryoji's shoulders as they suggested they go. He looked at Minato with a sad expression for a moment before standing. He tried to find the words to say, but all he could think was that he was sorry. He gave a nod and turned towards the doors. He needed to stay in the Apartments for what time he had left. Whether Minato would agree to that or not didn't matter.

The odds were he'd leave without even being able to say goodbye at the rate he was holding on... was it better to fight it this long? That question was not one he'd yet been able to answer. He realized he had words as he took a step foward. He stopped and turned to Minato.

"You don't have to apologize for anything. It's not your fault. I just..." Ryoji looked away and hung his head. He just shouldn't be here. He just shouldn't be fighting it. He just shouldn't be putting Minato through this. He hesitated for a moment. Minato wouldn't like this, but he had to try, "You can... still kill me, you know..."

[Firebreath Fishslap]

Minato's eyes widened at the suggestion. He immediately looked away, closed his eyes, and then looked back toward Ryoji again. He looked broken. In fact, the expression on his face was the same one he'd had the last time Ryoji suggested he'd kill him. One of depressed shock.

"Ryoji... you know I'm not going to do that," Minato said. "Killing you's not an option to me."

Minato had a feeling that Ryoji was going to try offering that option up to him again. Ryoji had been so depressed lately, so close to breaking. So unable to keep control of his own body. Ryoji had never wanted any of them to suffer like this. Of course he was offering up that option. But at the same time, Minato wasn't going to listen to that option. For one, he still genuinely believed there was a way to stop the Fall again. There had to be. And for another... he wanted to listen to his selfish desires to keep Ryoji here, to keep him alive. To stay with Ryoji as long as possible.

[mugenginga]

Ryoji had looked back up at the moment of silence. He saw Minato’s expression and his own fell. No, of course not. He’d thought that maybe with how he was collapsing, Minato would consider it. At least he didn’t have to shift forms, he knew the result would be the same and they didn’t need to cause a panic. If he shifted forms, he probably wouldn’t stay here anyhow. Before he’d already made his “decision”, it was to make a point. Now...

Ryoji looked away and lifted his hands, staring at them with almost hollow eyes, “I don’t want to hurt you, Minato. If... if you chase me, I’ll have to. Even,” Ryoji’s voice broke a bit, it was like when he’d apologized that night after almost killing Aigis, “Even if you beat me when I’m like that, nothing will change...”

His eyes closed and a few tears fell. He wouldn’t hurt Minato, he’d try to kill him. Him and anyone the blue haired teenager brought with him. Minato’s group had made it so his form as Nyx’ avatar couldn’t continue the fight before, but it had stopped nothing.

He’d go tonight. Maybe it made him weak, but he couldn’t bear this constant pain. It would be better for everyone. Minato would stop clinging to some false hope, and it wasn’t like a few more days would convince Minato killing him was better. He’d be able to shed himself of these emotions as much as was possible. Just that decision gave a tortured relief. The few tears stopped and he hung his head. He wouldn’t tell Minato, he’d let the other teenager think he’d just lost the fight, but he’d go tonight. It was better... right? His head hung with the stopped tears and the made decision. Ryoji’s entire body language had shifted to the kind a tortured individual had when they finally made the choice to kill themselves... an almost resigned peace.

[Firebreath Fishslap]

Minato's expression had become even more pained as Ryoji continued on. He didn't like this any more than Ryoji did. Ryoji didn't want to hurt him, but he'd have no choice if he tried to press things once things started really getting bad. Which Minato, being as stubborn as he was, would end up doing. Minato knew he'd end up chasing after Ryoji.

And if it was even possible, Minato's expression fell as he recognized the stance that Ryoji had fallen into. He'd recognized it because it had been the kind of stance and expression he'd carried not too long ago. The difference between himself and Ryoji was that Minato had been a little better at hiding it, at least until he'd had to stop sleeping, because Thanatos had tried to strangle him in his sleep the night after they had returned from their trip.

Tonight. Minato had a feeling it was going to be tonight. Ryoji had finally broken. He looked away from Ryoji.

"Let's go, Ryoji," Minato said softly. They didn't need to stay here any more. Minato sighed. He never should have suggested they leave like this. He felt like such an idiot... like usual.

[mugenginga]

Ryoji looked up at Minato's volume level. It sounded pained, and the pain hit Ryoji like a hammer to his chest. The softness wasn't just in the volume, the other teenager really did care. Of course he did, they both did. He opened his mouth, but turned away and closed it. One didn't always get what they wanted in this world. When a deity wanted something, their wants over-rode your own. Especially as an avatar. He had no rights at the end of the day, not when they differed from Nyx'.

Ryoji noticed Minato wasn't even looking at him. Well, it wasn't that he blamed him but if Minato missed him leaving he might just stand there. He walked over to Minato and crouched down so he could catch the teenager's eyes despite the hanging head. He gently grabbed Minato's wrists and pulled up a bit as if pulling them up would lift Minato's head. The place Minato's wrists had settled after being lift up was parallel with the middle of Ryoji's chest.

"I'm not gone yet, Minato..."

But I will be tonight... Dammit, don't think like that....

Ryoji's expression of pain was being outweighed by worry. It wasn't Minato who had to end the world, and he was there now. Like he said, he wasn't gone yet. He waited for a response from Minato.

[Firebreath Fishslap]

Minato looked up as Ryoji crouched down to look him in the eye. Dammit, now he was worrying Ryoji. He gave a pained smile as Ryoji lifted his wrists up, and laughed.

"Geez, Ryoji. We're out in public, you know?" Minato chided. He tried to give a more genuine smile. "...I'm sorry. I'm being stupid as usual." At least he wasn't crying like Ryoji had. They were still standing in the middle of a not-so-crowded arcade shortly after having made a bit of fuss, and probably were still making a bit of fuss. At least most people on the island didn't have problems with these kind of relationships. No one was really paying attention.

"...We really should go, Ryoji. Come on, I'll buy you a burger on the way out. I think they've got Wild Duck here," Minato said, now trying to put on a show of a bit more happier emotion. Ryoji was right; he wasn't gone yet. And they needed to make the most of this time while they could.

[mugenginga]

Ryoji gave a genuine smile as Minato laughed. Some of the tension seemed to drop and then Minato spoke. He blinked and looked at how he was holding Minato's hands. He dropped them and had a kind of silly nervous expression. Okay, he hadn't intended on it coming across quite like that. Well... not in public anyhow. He pulled a bit at his scarf and seemed surprise as Minato spoke.

"Really? Wow, I wouldn't have expected that. Too bad we can't con Junpei-kun into a game, right?"

He found he really had relaxed now that Minato had. That's what all of it was about. He didn't want any of his friends to suffer. He didn't want Minato to suffer... his mind was making a specific distinction in that regard. He nodded and fell into step beside Minato as they left the complex. Maybe he'd be leaving tonight, but they had the day... and half the night, he didn't plan on going until the Dark Hour. He just hoped he could slip out without disturbing Minato.

[Firebreath Fishslap]

Minato relaxed a fair bit more as Ryoji gave an actually genuine smile, not the ones he had been faking practically all day. They'd both been faking. Neither of them had really been giving each other genuinely happy looks, what with the giant dark cloud that was the Fall always hanging over their heads.

"Yeah. I really wanted a peta-wac burger today, too. I'm starving," Minato said. He sighed. "Oh well."

The two of them had approached the food court by this point. Most of the restaurants Minato only recognized because he had been here on the island for so long. That and one of them was McDonalds. And right across from McDonalds was Wild Duck Burger. That couldn't be good for business. Then again, neither seemed to be busy. Actually, whoever was working the register at Wild Duck was positively asleep on their feet.

Minato stepped up to the corner. "I would like to order two Duckburgers," he asked. The employee snorted awake, and blinked several times at the two people who had suddenly appeared at the counter.

"Oh. Ah, geez. Sure, alright. Coming right up," the employee said. Minato didn't visibly react to this comment. "Geez, kid, anyone ever tell you you've got a kinda blank face?"

[mugenginga]

Ryoji chuckled to himself as Minato spoke again. It didn't take long for them to reach the food court. He found himself being surprised againt that Minato was right. He supposed he shouldn't have been. The reality he had appeared in couldn't be the only one with the franchise, but it was still a bit surprising. When they went inside, the clerk was asleep. Ryoji almost facepalmed but Minato spoke up first. He glanced at the clerk as he told them it would be right there and then commented on Minato's expression.

Well, yeah, he kind of did. Minato seemed downright stoic to a lot of people until they got to know him. The clerk shrugged at the lack of response and punched the price into the machine. It was lower than what Minato would have payed in Japan, and if he questioned it he'd realize that the Island didn't have a sales tax, unlike the entire country of Japan. The clerk handed him a ticket with a number on it despite it being pointless for the low crowd.

"We'll call you when its ready."

Ryoji watched as the man went back to he was doing before turning to Minato. His tone wasn't upset, just puzzled, "I thought you were getting it to go?"