Spear of Hope (Rei no Kaado)

[Firebreath Fishslap]

Souji had gotten out of the hospital only an hour previously. Upon being discharged, they had returned his belongings, including Souji's clothes. His jacket still had a long ragged rip in it from when Izanagi had forced him to cut his arm open, something he would have to ask Kanji to fix later. Through the rip, one could see the large bandage that had been put around Souji's arm to cover up the stitches. Most of all, though, Souji was glad to be wearing real pants again.

He'd been lucky. After paying his hospital bill, he'd had just enough cash to take the bus to Bonsai. He'd been worried he'd have to walk, or worse yet, head back to the apartments to get that mirror Izanami had left him the previous day. He knew the others had to be worried about him, but he couldn't head back without getting answers.

He was also aware of Izanagi's presence hovering over him. He couldn't sense the god, but before he had left the hospital, Shikome had informed him the god was following him again in her roundabout way of glaring at him constantly. Shikome wasn't following him now, to Souji's knowledge, if only because he'd told her to not follow him.

The bus dropped Souji off in front of the shrine. He looked up the stairs at the torii and sighed.

"You think Persona are as simple as manifestations of your psyche, but they are manifestations of your soul. You don't pick the Persona, they. pick. you! Mull that over your head for a while, but do it somewhere else. Get the fuck out of my shrine, Izanagi!"

Izanami had yelled that at him once before. Souji had thought he'd found out why, but after his conversation with Shikome and that encounter with Lucius, he wasn't sure anymore. He sighed once more and climbed the stairs into the shrine. He already knew wherever Izanami was, she'd feel his presence entering the shrine's boundaries.

[mugenginga]

Shikome hadn't listened to Souji. She had simply muted her aura to the point that neither Izanagi nor his avatar would likely be able to sense her at the reduced power levels caused by whatever was occurring. She was aware it was possible Izanagi knew of her presence, but he hadn't deemed to tell Souji. It was for the better, as far as she was concerned. Souji was not yet used to the idea of spirit guardians constantly around himself.

She was forced to stop at the torii. She would be considered a rogue spirit by it, and she was not a guardian of the land. The spiritual barrier around such places prevented the access of a "hag woman" such as herself. Izanami could summon her within as both the goddess and maiden of the shrine, but she could not enter under her own power.

The woman "Sayuri", cousin of the deceased Mana, had felt the ripple in energy as Souji had predicted. She had contacted the hospital on when she could expect the body to be released and spent much of yesterday after leaving the hospital setting up the necessary arrangements. Despite her knowledge of the body, she was seen as a Shinto priestess. She'd need to follow things by the letter. When Souji had passed through the gate, she had come out of the living quarters of the shrine. She was just reaching the main area as Souji reached the top of the stairs.

"I didn't expect to see you," she said.

[Firebreath Fishslap]

Souji looked up at the sound of an all too familiar voice. It differed only very slightly, but it was similar enough that he couldn't miss it. However, he jumped at the woman's appearance. He had expected a similar appearance. He hadn't expected the braids. It was like some sort of fucked up cosmic irony.

"I'm glad to see you're alright," Souji said. "I came because I've got a couple things to ask you." He paused. How should he word this...?

"How exactly does the avatar system work?" Souji finally decided to ask. That was a good starting point. It would determine just how much Izanagi was telling the truth about.

[mugenginga]

Izanami seemed surprised at his words. She had expected him to be upset at her. For any number of things, really. She looked down as he said he had questions to ask, not looking up when he continued. She crossed her arms and looked up, as if trying to figure out if he was serious. He seemed to be.

"Differently then what I'm seeing happen with you," she stated. She looked away and seemed pained. It quickly faded to a scowl, and she looked back at Souji. It softened a bit just before she spoke again, "An avatar is merely... a location of a god. Vessel is not the right word. A form of reincarnation, if you will. One can have a presence seperate from their avatar, but they are linked. Two places at once, as it were."

Izanami had quite a bit of experience on that front. She was constantly split, part of herself trapped within Yomi for eternity. She'd seen other gods do similar for various reasons. What was occuring with her brother, however... it was a form she'd never seen before. A god could have amnesia, could not know the were a god until the proper time, but... Worst of all, there was a chance she knew why. She didn't particularly feel like sharing that, though.

[Firebreath Fishslap]

So his situation was different. Shikome had said right out she'd never seen a situation like his before, but this was confirmation from someone who was a god themselves. What Izanami was saying was a lot different from what Izanagi had been saying for the longest time, too... A thought occurred to Souji then. Izanagi wasn't sure what was going on either. He was making things up.

"So why am I different?" Souji asked. "If I'm Izanagi's avatar, I shouldn't even be... sentient, I guess the word would be. Izanagi and I are separate, but we're separate beings at the same time. It doesn't make sense with how things are supposed to work."

[mugenginga]

Izanami frowned at Souji's question. She seemed annoyed by it, but she also seemed... pained? She looked up with a flat expression after a few moments and shook her head. It was her fault in more ways then one if she thought about it. She hadn't realized... and she'd caused this. But with how many ways it had gone, she couldn't be positive of the answer.

"There's been a schism. As far as I can tell, it's a split personality. It's seen in mortals fairly often."

She was definitely dodging the question.

[Firebreath Fishslap]

Souji's face blanched. "Split personality...? What the hell is that supposed to mean!? D-Does that mean I'm some kind of split personality to Izanagi?! How does something like that even happen to a god?!"

Souji had known that if he got an answer, he wasn't going to like it. He'd known, but somehow preparing himself for that fact didn't change how shocked he was when Izanami finally said it.

Izanagi had remained silent for most of this conversation. The only reason he hadn't said anything was because he hadn't seen a need to. But now with what Izanami had just said, he saw a need to interject.

"This failed avatar is not a part of me!" Izanagi yelled. "Izanami, what did you do to cause this!?"

Souji flinched at the sudden words in his mind. He'd known Izanagi was following him, and that had confirmed it... Not only that, but Izanagi was panicking more than Souji himself was...

[mugenginga]

Izanami looked to the side as Souji began yelling at her. How does that happen to a god? How the hell did anything happen to gods? When Izanagi began to lay into her, she gave a glare in response. Sure it was her fault, but why the hell did it always have to be her fault!? She opened her mouth to say something along the lines of the latter when she realized Souji had flinched.

"That... gods can't have Persona," Izanami stated. She gave a flat look towards Izanagi before he could respond. Odds are that side was going to figure things out just from that statement. And to think, she'd been happy Souji had shown up today.

[Firebreath Fishslap]

Gods couldn't have Persona. Souji was replaying those words in his head, but Izanagi figured it out first.

"You broke me." Izanagi's spirit figure was painfully visible next to Souji. "You tried to grant a Persona to a god, and the Persona that represented that god, too. You broke me and made me no better than a normal human! That's what caused this! That's why I've been going through this hell! You goddamn bitch!"

"My Persona..." The blue card appeared in Souji's hand and he stared at it. "Back then, when you shook my hand... I felt sick, and I thought it was from you transferring that Persona to me but it was my very being breaking and... oh my god."

He took another step back. He couldn't believe it, and somehow it made sense. If he was the body, then Izanagi was the memory. He should have realized he was Izanagi back during that festival, after those encounters with Mana and that close encounter with Ryoji. That alone should have been enough to awaken those memories. But he didn't even have the memories to awaken, and instead the part of him that did appeared. And they hadn't even known what was going on either. So they'd filled in the blanks... and caused all of this... He felt sick. He felt sick with himself. This couldn't be true.

[mugenginga]

Izanami glared at the spirit presence. Everything she hated about her brother, everything she loved. In two seperate places. Did he think this was easy on her!? She was the one having to see what he'd once been standing beside what he'd become. The very idea that those two things were aspects of the same person infuriated her. Because what he had become was what he didn't have to be! How many lives had she spent with Izanagi, the two of them able to work past the issues of the past? Sure, she couldn't be fully with him, but at least it was him!

She had taken a step forward and lifted her finger to yell at Izanagi when Souji summoned his card. She paused and her eyes widened, looking towards Souji as he seemed to almost space out on the card. She'd seen that look before. Twice in the clearest parts of her memories, and both times had given way to anger. She glanced at Izanagi's spirit presence. There stood the anger, but here? He was the older one, he was the stronger one... she returned her gaze to Souji. And the part of him that she could never hate still looked broken. She closed the distance betwen them and pulled him into a tight embrace as if she were preventing him from running while simultaneously protecting him from the world.

_{"Izanagi, please forgive me..."}

[Firebreath Fishslap]

Souji's broken expression didn't change any as Izanami closed the distance between them. His grip on the card was slipping and he was starting to shake a bit. It was Izanami's sudden embrace that caused him to come back into awareness of things. Her words shocked him, and he looked down at her with a sad expression.

"I..." Souji breathed. "....I don't know what to do..." And for the second time in two days, he felt like crying.

"GET OFF OF MY BODY!" Izanagi screamed, and Souji suddenly felt himself slipping again. He realized with horror Izanagi was trying to take control of his body, likely to attack Izanami. Maybe even try to kill her again. And then... what? Try to beat him out of existence again even though they were part of the same person?

He squeezed his eyes shut and put all of his concentration into keeping Izanagi out. He couldn't nor did he want to push Izanami away from him. The thought wasn't even really occurring to him. He felt safe right now in her arms.

[mugenginga]

Izanami looked up at Souji's expression. He eyes pretty solidly reflected his own expression wise. She opened her mouth to try to say something, anything, when Izanagi shouted at her and Souji tensed up. For a split second she loosened her grip, but then she saw Souji squeeze his eyes shut. Could she fix this? She didn't know how. She tightened he grip more than before, it was possible it would be a bit stifling. She closed her eyes as well and spoke. The position of her head meant Souji would hear it very well, and being that the spirit presence there was him... but it was meant for the Souji aspect.

"That's right, it's your body..."

[Firebreath Fishslap]

Souji could hear her. He could hear her very well, even with all of the concentrating he was doing. This body was... his. It was Izanagi's, even with his name being Souji now. They were the same person, he was going to have to accept that, wasn't he. If he couldn't accept it, neither could Izanagi...

I'm you. And you are me, Souji called out to Izanagi. We can't keep fighting each other... Not now that we know this. I'm not going to fade away in a year, and you can't stay the way you are... We can't stay the way we are.

I can't accept this! I can't... Souji felt Izanagi hold back a bit. The god wasn't trying to push him out anymore...

....I don't want to change. I know I'm going to change if we become one god again... But I know we can't stay like this, too... Souji said. Why was he accepting this easier than Izanagi was? Maybe it was just because of the feeling of Izanami's arms around him.

Izanagi remained silent. How much longer could he remain a hypocrite? Hadn't he been the one to insist Seta was a part of him all of those times? Even back when things first started, after that festival? He'd been the one to try to convince Seta to accept things. And now Seta was doing the opposite for him.

...They were two parts of the same whole after all, huh? Izanagi gave a sigh.

"I... am thou... and thou art I..." Izanagi said in a tired voice. "...that is all it boils down to. Two parts of the same whole... At least we can finally share a body like your Pharaoh friend wanted us to before..."

At that moment, the spirit presence of Izanagi would begin to fade from both Souji and Izanami's vision. At the same time, Izanami would feel the presence of Izanagi grow inside Souji's form. Souji's eyes finally opened... and his knees finally collapsed under him. It was likely he'd pull Izanami down with him due to their general height difference and how tightly she was embracing him. Because at that very moment, he remembered.

The blue card slipped from Souji's hands and fell to the ground, where it burned into blue embers. It didn't belong to Izanagi, and that Persona had no owner anymore. Souji didn't seem to notice, and instead embraced Izanami back.

"I forgive you."

[mugenginga]

Izanami was actually only aware of the merge due to the feeling. Her face was pretty much buried in Souji's shoulder. She'd been thinking she didn't know how to fix it, had been running through ways to put the person she had broken back together, when the presence to the side began to fade. Her eyes widened and she was about to pull back to get a visual confirmation of things when Souji collapsed. The attempt to catch him went predictably poor and both their knees hit.

The card hit the paved ground with a barely audible "click" noise before the blue flames began to eat at the edges, going inward before leaving a pile of dark blue ash. A slight breeze picked up the ash and blew out of the torii. Shikome turned as a blue butterfly took to the air, riding the breeze that took it and the last vestiges of ash out of sight. She would stare at the spot the butterfly had come up from for a solid minute before turning towards the intrance of the shrine. Something had happened, she could tell that much...

Izanami had grimaced as her knees hit the ground, a bit of a scrape occurring despite the hakama skirt covering her legs. She'd been about to pull back once again when Souji grip... when Souji embraced her. This time she managed to lift the head and angle to the side and up to see Souji's face just as he spoke. Her expression was fairly hard to read, some mix of pain, fright, relief, and gladness. And then she returned it, their combined body heat chasing away any chance of chill. She squeezed the eyes buried in his shoulder due to height difference shut to block tears. Her low voice was further muffled by the fabric of his shirt.

_{"It was so long this time, Izanagi-sama..."}

(OOC: Read the PM I sent you. It's too long to include here. XD)

[Firebreath Fishslap]

Souji only squeezed Izanami's body tighter to him at her words. He gave a small nod before he spoke himself. His voice was as low as Izanami's was, and he didn't have the benefit of a shirt muffling his voice.

"I know... I'm sorry."

Now that Souji had gained his memories, he knew why it had been so long, too. There had been no need for him to manifest another avatar. There hadn't been any major threats or anything similar for a very long time. It was only when two major forces began interfering and Philemon began giving out Personas willy nilly that he'd realized he'd needed to manifest one again. And Philemon had ended up having a role in his breaking before, too... at least, Souji theorized he did. Izanami had granted him a Persona, but Souji had a feeling without the Wild Card Igor had granted him on the way to Inaba, he would have ended up subconsciously rejecting the Persona. Gods couldn't have Persona, after all.

Right now, though, Souji didn't feel like thinking more about that. He really just wanted to sit there in the snow, embracing Izanami. Was now really the time to think about Philemon and his troubles with Nyarlathotep? He'd just become one person--one god-- again. He could think about those things later...

Of course, a sudden loud burst of music from Souji's jacket pocket ended up interrupting things anyways. Souji pulled away and sighed as he pulled his phone out.

"Talk about a moment killer..." Souji flicked the phone open. "Hello?"

"Souji? Where the hell are you? I thought you were getting out of the hospital today!"

Minato. Somehow Souji had expected that. "Is Teddie over there freaking out?"

"Yes. Where are you?"

"Sorry, I had some things to take care of," Souji said with a glance and a smile back toward Izanami. "I'll be back soon, don't worry."