State of the Jes (7/14/16)

[jessie]

(5/4/16)

Well, like, shit, guys.

So everything's cool now, more or less. The coin flipped and it came up heads. Basically, the skinny goes so: On Monday night, I was having a lot of battery troubles, it died on me like 3 times. But I continuously kept turning it on and using it, because I'm a horrible electronics owner. By the time I went to bed that night, it was still dead, but on the charger. Tuesday morning, I woke up and it just wasn't turning on. I'd slept for, like probably, 8 hours? How long do humans sleep? So I assumed I had just mistreated it enough for it have finally sung its swan song. I moved it to a different outlet and let it charge and didn't touch it all day, just praying to every deity in their turn to not do me like this. I checked it this morning and it was like, 70% charged! And now it's 100%. So we cool!

That being said, guys. I am so sick of my situation. I'm just over all of this, so, so much. This Mobile Device is 5 years old and previously owned by my mother, AKA my "gets 10 viruses every time she uses the computer, damn it how did you do that, you were only looking up a crock pot recipe, please" mother. It charges like crap and has 4 gigs of memory, which, for those not in the know, is not very much at all. I've had to delete art for it to not chug like Mike Mulligan and Mike Mulligan's steam shovel.

So, what do we do about that? Nothing, really. Not yet. In approximately 2 months, it's my birthday, and I plan on using all my tactics of coersion to get my (pretty much loaded) grandma to get me/help me get/just give me a lot of money that I can use to get a real bonafide laptop. But until then, I mean. Gonna have to live with it. I'm going to take evasive action to make sure no shit like this happens again, which means, and I'm gonna bold this part so if your eyes glaze over all this text y'all'll(jeee-sus I'm so Texan) see it: which means, I'm not gonna be on as much. Just to let the ol' boy rest, and at MOST, I'll be here once per day. And only to check my participateds.

It sucks, but it's where we're at! Uh, on Friday, we're going to the store, maybe we'll get me a new charger. Maybe not. I mean, at this point I pretty much know for sure the problem is internal. The charging is coming from inside the tablet, and all that. This is also like the worst timing, I know, with all the everything, happening, but like. Out of my hands.

"Wait a second," you finally start to wonder. "If this is a 'hey I'm back' post, why's it in Away?" Glad you asked! Well, I did that entirely on purpose, actually. It just seems like, I dunno, kinda clunky to me to have a bunch of seperate "ah god my tablet committed seppuku again" threads. So I'm just gonna have one. This one. I'll post again in this same thread when shit goes awry, as I know for a fact it will based on my previous performance. And besides, I guess this isn't like, really an 'I'm back' thread, its more of an 'update on my situation and also I'll be here less', thread. Whatever. If you're wondering how I'm doing, come on down to this thread, and the latest post will be your guiding star to that answer.

anyways now I'm off to screw up the posting order in Duadi so, definitely contributing quality work to this community

[jessie]

BIG JUNE SITUATION (5/30/16)

Alright, so, after that first debacle, I've had it handled pretty well! Like, surprisingly well. I really thought I'd have another breakdown before now. But now the tsunami known as June is rising upon us, swelling on the horizon, ready to bring the deluge of salt and garbage. I'm just gonna tell y'all about everything I expect to happen in June in one shot, so I dont have to deal with this nonsense down the road.

June has always been a problem month for me. For the past 7 years(counting this one), my parents have made me do this program which causes me to just be entirely unreachable for like, half the month. And my birthday is at the end of it, and we usually go down to see my granny for that, because she just gets so lonely that if she doesn't see us at least twice a year she'll just drop dead like the evil queen in Snow White. Luckily, this is the last year I'll have to deal with at least half of that shit.

Anyways, I have dates for those things now, and it's close enough to June to tell you those dates! So here we go! Boot Camp is the thing where I'm actually just entirely gone, not at home, at another place, with no technology, for ~5 days. The dates aren't nebulous, I'm just stupid! So I'll be there from June 6-10, possibly the morning of the 11th. Then BYBC happens, 20-24, with extra mandatory stuff on the 25th. And my birthday is the 29th, and sometime around then is the Vague Family Vacation which my dearest father refuses to tell me the dates of!

That's a lot of dates to visualize, and I know I'm real bad at that, so I got a handy calendar for y'all!


Much better, right? Also, this birthday? It's my 18th! So! That's good, I guess? But, yeah. Also, the second week, I'm still at home, I'm just busy all day. I go out at 8 AM and come back around 9 PM, Monday through Thursday. So I might, emphasis on might, be able to do some replies in that time. But in all honesty, the day work is so exhausting that it wouldn't be surprising if I didn't. So lower your standards, and be pleasantly surprised if they're met.

I also have other news, but I don't know if I'm free to share it yet. Details aren't concrete, dates aren't set, walls are listening. The only reason I'm even saying that there's something to be said, is because if I don't, I just won't ever even say it. So, keep me accountable? If I don't update y'all again by July 16th, just kick my ass about it. Just yell right in my face. Push my mattress out onto the lake, whatever, just make sure I tell y'all. I should have info before then, but I'm saying right now, that's my deadline.

Anyways, that's June! I'll update this thread again the next time some dumb nonsense interrupts my life! See ya then!

[jessie]

THE UPDATE (7/14/16)

Oh, geez, I promised to update y'all, didn't I. Well, here's the update, and the update is that there is no update.

Dates got flipped, schedules got mangled, things got pushed back. So all I can tell you is that I still can't tell you anything. Of course, I've known this for a while, I've just been putting off writing this cause it was so disappointing. Wish I could. Can't. That's about all, right?

Oh, wait, no it's not! I do have more news. I'll be gone from the 17th to the 22nd, this month. Sort of. I don't know if I'll be able to get online during that time. I'd like to say I will be able to, but since I don't know, better to prepare! I will be bringing my laptop, though. Oh, hm? I didn't mention I have a laptop now? Well, let me just say, hell yes I do. In addition, I also have a Skype, so if someone could add me to the group chat, that would be aces. PM me, or something.

Anyways, I'll let this uninterrupted tranquil pond of stagnancy lie still again. I'll update again sometime in August. No specific date because I don't want to be disappointed again.

[jessie]

THE END (9/21/16)



So, I saw Evan's thread, and, I was gonna post this as a reply to it, but then I remembered 'I have a whole thread all to myself just for this'. Though, it's not like that was the catalyst for this, I've been meaning to do this for a little while now, I just... hadn't. It just, didn't happen.



I'm bored. No, that's not the correct term for my feelings. I feel snubbed. Benumbed, secluded, stultified, unacknowledged, fractious, let me just thumb through my thesaurus some more.



As I may have made known, I was on this site for a very, VERY short run a couple years ago. It's obvious this place doesn't even have half the charm it had back then. Not that that's even a flaw, but it no longer has any of the qualities that made it stick in my mind, made me remember and come back. But I'm sure that if I'd stayed back then - outside of the fact that I was literally unable to - I'd be staying now, awash in nostalgia.

But I'm not. I'm going.



The idea for this site is so good. Like, an island where characters from any infinite number of dimensions can gather and interact? SO GOOD. But I just have no feelings. There's nothing for me here. I can't work with any of this.

And, it seems, none of you can work with me. At first, I get it, CBox is difficult. But then I got a Skype and? No one talks to me. No one values my ideas. No one plots with me. No one seeks my input. You practically ignore me. (And, by the way, y'all do the same shit to Ryo. Just saying.)



Which, like, I'm new, I guess. As new as 7 months is, which in my opinion is not very new at all. Wow, that's perspective - y'all had 7 months to make me feel welcomed and valued and you dropped the ball.
I had so many plans, so many ideas, if anyone would have just talked to me ever. Maybe some threads would even be happening right now! Maybe this place would be a little more alive. Not that the inactivity is even a fraction of why I'm going, oh no, I have the patience of a boulder.
It's just... so tedious, trying to get people to care about what you make. I'm not going through it, it's too tiring, I don't care.



Which doesn't mean we can't be friends after this, but like... yikes, based on my experiences, I don't feel like any of you want to be my friend? So.



Also, it doesn't help that I just got a job, and am apartment searching. That's absolutely not the full reason why I'm going - I'd just take a hiatus - but it sure doesn't help.
Y'all don't need me. That's what it comes down to. I'm not needed here, or at least you don't make me feel needed. And there's no fixing it, I'm not going to let any of you backpedal on this. The damage has been done, this is goodbye.



Anyways. Why am I putting all this in a post? Why not just slowly fade into the aether until, 5 years down the line, you remember me and vaguely wonder if I died? Don't mistake this as some kind of closure, some attempt to make you guys understand. No, I'm making this post so I am never able to come back again. Last time, I just slid away, lost to the sands. This time, I'm here, and I'm saying, I don't want to be back here. Don't let me come back.



So, let's get to personal messages, shall we?



Evan: You, most likely, really really probably, have a mental illness. I dunno with what, I won't get into real diagnoses since I'm technically not a psychologist. But you should see one. I dunno if you've already looked into this, but it really seems like you haven't considered it at all, just observationally. But for real, you're suffering for no reason. At the least, please read up on it. Feel free to talk to me about anything, and I'd love to remain friends. You really are a great writer, and I do believe one day I'll see your name in a store.



Everyone else: Stop being an asshole to Evan. Read up on mindfulness or something, for fuck's sake.
When you do that, message me whenever.



Yeah, that's about all I had to get off my chest. Maybe I didn't need to make this a category if I only had something to directly say to like, 1 1/2 people. Whoops. And you know what the thing is? I was kinda excited for Fright Island but, I already knew I just can't do it.



Anyways, this is goodbye. Thanks for still being around, it was real nice to remember my childhood for a while. Talk to me if you want, I guess, I still use Skype. But you won't see me back here.